Deux Amours
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: Brendan leaves prison life behind and starts to re-build his life. Still in love with Stephen and Ray, Brendan finds himself torn between the two of them. Sequel to 'Faded Photographs'.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks! (Except for Ray, he's mine)

Summary: Brendan leaves prison life behind and starts to re-build his life. Still in love with Stephen and Ray, Brendan finds himself torn between the two of them.

A/N: Sequel to 'Faded Photographs'. It's going to be a love triangle with Brendan/Ste/Ray. Also 'Deux Amours' is French for 'Two Loves'.

Deux Amours

Chapter One

_Two weeks after Brendan's release from prison…_

Brendan walked up the steps to Chez Chez tentatively. Since he had been released from prison he had gone straight to Ireland with Cheryl to visit his kids. He had felt that he needed to see them, reassure himself that he was never going to lose them, or them him.

Now he was back in Chester and prepared to settle back into everyday life. He felt oddly nervous walking through the Chez Chez doors even though it was his own club. It was quiet when he walked in; Warren was lounging on one of the sofas as usual not doing any work. He grinned at Brendan when he saw him and stood up, holding out his hand for Brendan to shake. Brendan took it, putting his best game face on.

"Foxy" he greeted him with a nod, releasing his hand quickly.

"Nice to see you again, Brady. How did prison treat you?" Warren asked, smirking.

"Oh wonderfully, thanks for asking" Brendan replied dryly walking towards the office. Warren followed him.

"I hope you didn't drop the soap or anything mate" Warren teased. Brendan turned his head to glare at him. Warren smiled in what he thought was an innocent manner. "Ah my mistake, you'd probably like that wouldn't ya?"

"Do you want something?" Brendan asked, a thinly veiled threat bubbling underneath the surface.

"Just came to say hello, that's all" Warren said, falsely affronted.

"Well if that's all I'd like to take a look at the state the books are in" Brendan said, gesturing towards the door.

Warren nodded and stepped backwards towards the door. "As you wish. Let me know if you need anything"

"Will do" Brendan replied sarcastically, his eyes already on the paperwork. He heard the door close.

Brendan threw the papers onto the desk and took a seat behind it, putting his feet up on the table. He took his phone out of his pocket and flipped it over his fingers. Now that he was here he didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't feel like looking over the books really. He wasn't even sure why he had decided to come in today; Cheryl had told him to take it easy. As usual he hadn't listened.

Brendan made a quick decision, jolting himself out of his chair and leaving the office, taking the steps two at a time in his haste to get out of the club. He was walking so swiftly he didn't notice when he bumped right into someone.

"Sorry" he mumbled without looking. But then his nose detected a familiar scent. _Stephen. _

"Oh, Bren. Wasn't expecting you to be back so soon…" Stephen said awkwardly, his eyes downcast.

"Ye…couldn't keep away" Brendan murmured, looking Stephen up and down. He looked a lot better than when Brendan had last seen him. He seemed to be gaining the weight he had lost previously.

"Where are you off to?" Stephen said, finally looking up. Brendan was startled looking into those bright blue eyes once more. He couldn't help thinking of Ray's brown ones.

"Uh, I don't know really" Brendan admitted, at a loss. He hadn't seen Stephen since that night at the hospital.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Stephen asked quietly, looking shifty but expectant.

Brendan hesitated a moment, wondering if this was such a good idea. "Um, ye, sure why not?"

Stephen smiled with relief, turning around to walk beside Brendan.

Brendan looked over Stephen's attire. "Aren't ye meant to be going to work?" He asked, somewhat amused.

Stephen looked uncomfortable. "You're here now… I'll be okay"

Brendan couldn't help but notice the odd way Stephen said this. He opened his mouth to question it but Stephen cut him off.

"How was Ireland? Nice seeing the kids I bet"

Stephen seemed to be nervous; he was talking in a rush. Brendan placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping to calm him down. Stephen flinched away from him, making Brendan frown. He withdrew his hand.

"Ye… it was lovely, thank ye"

Stephen smiled weakly at him, his eyes flickering everywhere but at Brendan's face.

Brendan stopped walking abruptly, making Stephen pull up short as well.

"What is it?" Stephen asked.

"Why are ye so jittery, Stephen?" Brendan stared him down. Stephen fidgeted uncomfortably.

"It doesn't matter" He murmured, attempting to walk off again. Brendan grabbed his arm to prevent him.

"Tell me"

Stephen looked into Brendan's face, his eyes wide. "Okay, not here though" Stephen whispered, pulling Brendan's arm as he walked.

Stephen led him to a closed off quarter of the skate park. He sat on the edge of the low wall, Brendan following suit. Brendan sat that little bit closer to him to determine if he was the problem. Stephen didn't flinch away. Well, that answered his question.

"Spit it out then, Stephen" Brendan said after several moments of silence. He was already losing his patience; he needed to curb that. Remember what Ray had taught him.

Stephen's hands wrung together nervously. "Things haven't been exactly…great while you've been away"

"These two weeks?" Brendan asked in confusion.

"No. In prison I mean"

"How do ye mean?" Brendan asked, deeply curious now.

"Well, Cheryl's been doing her best…" Stephen began awkwardly. "But she only owns two percent of the club now and well…"

"Well what?" Brendan prompted, his temper rising in building realisation.

"Warren's been throwing his weight around a bit…" Stephen answered, glancing at Brendan's face for his reaction.

Brendan's jaw tightened. "In what way?"

"Messing up the books, taking some of the profits home for himself… terrorising the staff" Stephen laughed without humour.

"What are ye talking about?" Brendan asked, gripping Stephen's shoulder tightly. Stephen winced again and Brendan suddenly understood. He pulled at Stephen's hoodie and the shirt underneath, much to Stephen's alarm.

"Brendan! Get off me!" Stephen struggled but Brendan was stronger. He exposed several dark bruises on Stephen's upper back, just below his shoulder.

"Who did this?" Brendan asked angrily, standing up.

"Bren…" Stephen breathed weakly, attempting to grab Brendan's hand. "It's nothing; I can take care of myself"

"Clearly not!" Brendan protested, pacing in front of Stephen. "It was Foxy wasn't it?"

Stephen said nothing. It was all the confirmation Brendan needed. He strode away from Stephen back in the direction of the club.

"Wait!" Stephen said, grabbing Brendan's arm. "Leave it!"

"No I will not fucking leave it" Brendan said, aggravated.

"It's not how it looks; he just shoved me against the wall"

"And that's okay?" Brendan roared.

"You've done it" Stephen said quietly. Brendan stopped and turned around slowly. He thought of what Ray would say to him in this situation and took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

"Stephen, I'm sorry" Brendan ran a hand over his face. "Why did he shove ye against the wall?"

"He's been trying to get me involved in his dodgy deals, I keep saying no. I've got kids, me"

Brendan nodded absently. "Has he been doing this in the club?"

Stephen bit his lip. "Afraid so. I told him you would be furious"

Brendan laughed darkly. "That son of a bitch won't know what's hit him" Brendan stalked back in the direction of the club. Stephen jogged to keep up.

"Don't think that I've just sat back and let this happen! I've tried to stop him, I really have"

"Ye should have told me!" Brendan said angrily.

"What could you have done?" Stephen protested. "Besides, you aren't exactly innocent in dealing in the club"

Brendan whirled around, pointing his finger at Stephen's face. "That isn't the same. I am subtle; I only do it in the office"

"How is that better?" Stephen asked, his brows furrowed.

"It doesn't matter! I'm not risking drugs in the club now, not after-" Brendan cut off, surprised at himself.

"You're worried about going back inside" Stephen said quietly in sudden understanding.

Brendan's defences dropped a little. "Maybe…" he admitted.

"Was it really that bad?" Stephen asked. "Young offenders were bad enough but having Callum there…" Stephen trailed off. "You had Ray, right? Surely that helped"

"Of course it did" Brendan said absently. "I need to talk to ye about that actually"

Stephen cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"I asked Ray to work for me when he's released"

Stephen looked momentarily stunned but quickly recovered. He smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "That's good, I'm sure he needs the work, can't be easy… I should know" Stephen laughed weakly.

"Hey, it doesn't mean…" Brendan said softly, his hand reaching out. He didn't quite know what he was doing so he dropped his hand once more. "Ye don't mind?"

"Course not" Stephen said, shaking his head. "Me and you we're…well, I don't know really"

Brendan looked at the floor uncomfortably. "I should have spoken to ye before I left…"

Stephen waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine, honestly"

"I got yer text" Brendan said quietly. "I appreciate it"

Stephen looked at Brendan, his expression soft. "I just wanted you to know that somewhere down the line, when we're a bit more… sorted I guess, I'll still be here"

"What made ye decide?" Brendan asked curiously. "I've told ye enough times I'm no good"

Stephen laughed and kicked the floor lightly with his toe. "I guess I can't kid myself anymore, couldn't forget you if I tried"

Brendan found himself smiling. "Glad to hear it"

"But if we do eventually… you know" Stephen began. "It has to be on our own terms, things need to be… brought out into the open, and other things need to change…"

"I understand" Brendan nodded. "And in the meantime? Where do we stand?"

"We're friends" Stephen smiled.

"Friends" Brendan agreed, it was almost an alien concept to him.

"And when Ray gets out?" Stephen asked, attempting to disguise the jealousy evident on his face.

"I don't know" Brendan admitted. "It's…complicated"

Stephen nodded, looking a little forlorn but he hid it well.

"But ye know I'm not ready for a relationship, but if I was…"

"I know" Stephen said softly. "You don't have to explain"

"It would be you" Brendan said calmly. "I care for Ray a lot… more than I expected to actually"

"But?" Stephen pressed.

Brendan opened his mouth but once again the words stuck in his throat. "I can't explain. Not yet anyway"

"It's fine. Look, let's just get to work, okay?"

"Okay" Brendan agreed, walking alongside Stephen. "I'm still going to have words with Foxy, ye know"

"I know. I didn't expect anything less" Stephen smirked. "I tried to hide it…"

"Ye don't need to hide anything from me" Brendan told him. "I'm still going to be there for ye, regardless of where we're at"

"Thanks. It's nice to have you back"

Brendan chuckled. "Never thought I'd hear ye say that about me"

Stephen grinned. "Never thought I'd say it"


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

"Foxy!" Brendan yelled into the empty club. Warren came out of the office, smirking.

"What's the problem, Brady?" He asked, crossing his arms. He looked behind Brendan to see Stephen. "And your precious Stephen is with you, how lovely"

Brendan grinned menacingly and stepped forwards. "I hear ye have been a bad boy, Foxy"

"Oh really? Who's telling tales then, hm?" Warren's eyes darted to Stephen, who straightened his back in response.

"I told him" He said confidently, moving to stand beside Brendan.

"I'll handle this" Brendan muttered quietly to him.

"Don't be dense" Stephen whispered back, looking Warren in the eye.

Warren laughed openly, looking between the two men. "Ooh the gay boys are after me, I'm shivering"

"Ye should be" Brendan told him, stepping even closer. "I hear ye have been dealing in my club"

"_Your_ club? I think you'll find it's _our_ club" Warren corrected him.

"On paper maybe" Brendan agreed, taking off his suit jacket. "But we all know who calls the shots around here"

"Well, not you obviously. You haven't been here"

"And how exactly is that my fault?" Brendan asked.

"Should have gotten yourself an alibi, mate" Warren told him, smiling at Stephen.

"Well it all worked out for the best, didn't it? And now I'm back, things are gonna change"

"Is that so? I'm not buying it, mate"

"Oh really?" Brendan questioned, smirking slightly.

"You're too preoccupied with your male lovers"

"Oh ye? And who would they be?" Brendan arched an eyebrow.

Warren tapped his nose and winked. "I have inside information, classified"

"Really?" Brendan asked sceptically.

"Oh yes" Warren said triumphantly. "Ray is it?"

Brendan's face remained immovable. He felt Stephen's hand on his hip.

"So where does he fit into all this?" Warren gestured between Brendan and Stephen.

"I don't really think that's any of yer business, Foxy"

"No? In my own club?"

"If ye mean because Ray will be working for us then yes, I suppose so"

Warren didn't look surprised. "You like to keep your lovers close, hm? Stop them roaming? Didn't work with this one did it?" Warren nodded at Stephen. "Seen him with that bloke from the gym, and another bloke not so long ago"

"I'm well aware of that" Brendan said evenly.

"Oh and I bet it eats you up inside" Warren teased, now directly in front of Brendan. "Knowing that someone else has been inside him…"

"The way yer talking ye make it sound like it was ye"

Warren's face reddened angrily but then he relaxed and laughed. "No thanks mate. That's your repertoire. I like my lovers smoother"

"Naturally" Brendan said dryly. "Now can we move on from my ever exciting love life and get back to the crux of the matter?"

"Which is?"

"Ye dealing in the club, trying to force Stephen here into helping ye. Messing around with the books and the profits, that's not on, Foxy"

"Well what can I say? Didn't expect you to get released, did I?"

"No thanks to ye" Brendan said darkly. "Now, how are we going to settle this?"

"Well a punch up didn't work so well last time" Warren theorised. "And considering I'm about to go meet Mitzeee in a few minutes I'd say we can settle this later, alright?"

"Sure. Run scared, feel free" Brendan gestured towards the stairs. "We aren't done talking though"

"Something to look forward to" Warren agreed, walking past Brendan and Stephen.

Warren turned back to say something else. "Sorry about the rough handling of your boy by the way. I didn't think you would mind, he must be used to it by now" Warren's eyes twinkled dangerously.

Brendan stiffened, his eyes wide and angry. "Later, Foxy"

"Can't wait!" Warren called out from behind him. When the last of his footsteps died away, Brendan relaxed.

"Well that was…" Stephen began, seemingly at a loss for words.

"Ye" Brendan said, moving behind the bar to pour himself a whiskey. It had been a while. He downed it in one.

"Take it easy" Stephen warned him, moving to sit on the other side of the bar.

Brendan simply gave him a look and poured himself another.

"Well at least let me have one" Stephen said, looking at Brendan pointedly. Brendan sighed and poured him one. "How did he know about Ray?" Stephen asked curiously, swirling his whiskey in his glass.

"Insiders, ye heard him. Same way Ray heard about him I expect"

"Ray knows about him?"

"Ye, news travels, apparently" Brendan replied, distracted.

"Do you miss him?" Stephen asked out of the blue. Brendan stared at him uncomprehendingly. "Ray" he added.

Brendan looked down at his whiskey. "I do" he said, taking another long swig. "Can't do much about it though"

"Go visit him" Stephen suggested. "He's out in what, six weeks? You might as well see him a few times before then"

Brendan considered this. "I don't know, Stephen…"

"Come on, you clearly need to see him. Your heads a mess and Warren's taking advantage. At least go and see who's been talking about you both inside"

"That would be everyone" Brendan sighed. "But ye are right, I should go see him"

Stephen nodded and smiled, apparently very pleased that Brendan had actually listened to him.

"Maybe I'll come along with you, sometime"

Brendan looked at Stephen suspiciously. "And why would ye do that?"

Stephen shrugged. "Better to keeps things friendly. I have nothing against the guy, can't blame him for liking you, can I?"

"I can't say the same about Noah" Brendan said, laughing shortly.

"No… that was a mistake" Stephen agreed.

Brendan looked at Stephen curiously. "And this other guy Foxy mentioned?"

"Oh that was nothing really" Stephen said dismissively. "Me and Doug went out for a few drinks and we got chatting to this bloke, seems nice enough. He's local too, works at that other bar in town, the Pink Flamingo"

"Gar bar then?" Brendan said with some distaste.

"Yeah. Didn't meet him in one though, didn't want to expose Doug to all that" Stephen laughed.

Brendan quirked an eyebrow. "Ye and Dougie been hanging around together a lot then?"

Stephen smiled fondly. "Yeah. He's been through a tough time lately; I wanted to help him out"

"And did ye?"

"I think so"

"I meant to say… thanks for saying that stuff to him about me" Brendan coughed uncomfortably.

"That's alright; I was pleased he went to settle things with you"

"Me too" Brendan agreed. "So this other bloke, ye seeing him again?" Brendan couldn't help but feel displeased by the thought of it.

Stephen looked thoughtful. "I dunno really…he seemed nice enough and all"

"But?" Brendan cocked his head to the side questioningly.

"He's no you" Stephen laughed, looking down into his whiskey glass. "A few months ago that would have been a good thing, now I just don't know anymore"

Brendan sighed and drained the rest of his whiskey glass. "Take the rest of the day off, Stephen. Be with yer kids or something. I'm closing for the afternoon" Brendan moved around the bar.

"What about Warren?"

"He's swanning off so why can't I?"

"Are you going to see Ray?" Stephen asked, hopping off of the bar stool.

"If I can" Brendan admitted.

"Well if you do, give him my best" Stephen said, walking towards the stairs.

"Thanks, will do" Brendan said, looking at Stephen in bemusement. Stephen nodded at him, smiled, and left.

Brendan brought his phone out of his pocket and set about calling the prison. It would be good to see Ray, see how he was doing.

XXX

He was lucky to get a visiting order that day. It felt strange sitting on the other side of the table, being the visitor and not the visited. As the men started to file in, Brendan couldn't help rising slightly in his chair to look for Ray. He spotted him walking in behind Jamie and as their eyes met across the room, Brendan couldn't contain the massive grin which spread across his face.

He stood up to greet him as Ray walked towards him, smiling in that easy way he does.

"Hey" Ray said, clasping Brendan to him briefly.

"Nice to see ye" Brendan said as they both sat down. "How ye been?"

"Oh you know, not bad" Ray grinned, looking Brendan over. "You look well"

"Thanks"

"You been eating?"

"Are ye trying to say I've gained weight?"

Ray laughed. "Course not! You just look, better I guess. It's nice"

Brendan inclined his head. "Ye look…the same" Brendan finished lamely. He felt more relaxed in Ray's presence. Ray smiled at him and placed his hand over Brendan's across the table.

"It's been boring in here without you"

"I bet" Brendan smirked. "So what have ye been doing then?"

"Well I've had to just exercise all the time, get rid of some of that tension…" Ray's eyes sparkled seductively.

"Is that right?" Brendan smirked.

"Yep, it's a worthwhile distraction, a bit unsatisfying truth be told…"

"Did ye get a new cellmate?" Brendan asked tersely. Ray winked at him. "Don't wink at me, did ye?"

Ray laughed. "Yes, I did. He's alright"

"Alright? In what way 'alright'?"

"As in _friendly" _Ray rolled his eyes.

"Does he keep ye up at night tossing and turning on that top bunk like I did? When I wasn't in yer bed that is"

Ray looked embarrassed all of a sudden. "Actually… I swapped beds, I'm in yours now" He looked away awkwardly.

"Why?" Brendan asked curiously.

"It, um, smells like you still" Ray muttered, looking anywhere but at Brendan's face.

Brendan couldn't contain the laugh which escaped his lips.

"Hey, don't laugh!" Ray protested, looking up.

"Sorry, mate. Just I've turned ye all soft"

"Shut up, I'm nice to my boyfriends, I am"

"Oh we're boyfriends now are we?" Brendan teased, raising his eyebrows.

Ray sighed deeply and buried his face in his arms. "Oh shh, please, I'm getting embarrassed"

Brendan patted the top of Ray's head. "It's alright, ye can't resist me, I get it"

Ray sat up and gave Brendan a sceptical look. "So, what you been doing since you left here?"

"Changing the subject…" Brendan murmured, smirking. But he answered all the same. "I went to Ireland to see my kids, just got back really"

"Oh yeah? You been home yet then?"

"Ye, saw Foxy, fucking arsehole… taking advantage while I've been away"

"Yeah? Tell me about it"

Brendan related the story, including Stephen's bruises and the confrontation back at the club, where Ray's name was mentioned.

Ray chuckled. "That doesn't surprise me. He's probably got spies everywhere in here"

"Why bother?" Brendan asked, leaning back in his chair.

"To get to you. He wants to know all of your weaknesses, use them against you. I'm sure he has before, what's your biggest weakness?" Ray tilted his head to the side.

"The people I love" Brendan answered, looking to the ceiling. "But my kids aren't here, and he doesn't seem to mess with Cheryl…"

"So Stephen then?" Ray asked, not sounding surprised.

"Ye, pretty much"

"Well that explains the manhandling of Stephen then"

"Foxy said he didn't expect me to get out"

"Of course he did! He set it all up so you'd come out, see Stephen was hurt and go mad. Putting you right back into his hands"

Brendan contemplated this. "How are ye so smart, Ray?"

"It's a gift" Ray said, shrugging. "Just don't let him get the better of you, okay?"

"He knows things…" Brendan said cagily. "I have to keep him on side"

Ray looked thoughtful for a moment. "In that case, all I can suggest is to play him at his own game. Keep it light and casual, act indifferent. He won't be able to mess with you if you're unbothered"

"I've tried that…" Brendan sighed. "I tired to make him think that I didn't care about Stephen anymore but he didn't buy it"

Ray laughed again. "Well of course not!"

"How can I convince him to leave him alone then? He'll keep using him as a pawn in our power games…" Brendan chewed on his lip.

"Brendan… I'm sure Stephen can take care of himself"

Brendan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I don't like it"

Ray sighed. "Well, you'll have to keep an eye on him then. Make sure he does his shifts with you there, or Cheryl. Or me when I start"

"That's not a bad idea…" Brendan said thoughtfully.

"I'm sure he doesn't need it though"

"He doesn't"

"But you like protecting him?"

"Maybe… couldn't protect him from me though, could I?"

"Things are never simple" Ray clasped Brendan's fingers tightly. "I have to go back in a minute"

Brendan felt distinctly disappointed. "I'll come again soon; I should have come sooner…"

"It's fine, don't worry about me. I'm used to this" Ray gestured to the prison around him.

Brendan nodded, looking Ray in the eye. "I miss ye" he said quietly.

"I miss you too" Ray gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll see you next time, yeah?"

"Ye…" Brendan gave him a half-hearted smile back. Ray kissed Brendan's knuckles and rose from his seat, giving Brendan a final nod before he was led back to his cell.

Brendan leaned back once more on his chair, his hands over his face. Even outside of prison things were still very complicated.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Brendan threw the covers off of himself as he heard a tap at his bedroom door. He groggily got out of bed, clad in his black boxers and nothing else and stumbled to the door to open it. Cheryl stood there with a big grin on her face, some toast and black coffee in her hands.

Brendan stepped aside to allow her entrance and then plopped himself back onto the bed, his arms across his face.

"Rough night?" Cheryl asked, taking a bite of one of the pieces of toast; she handed the other slice to Brendan.

"Ye could say that" Brendan replied groggily.

"Where did you go yesterday afternoon? I went by the club and it was closed"

Brendan hesitated but decided honestly was the way to go if he wanted to build Cheryl's trust once more.

"I went to visit Ray"

Cheryl's eyebrows shot up high into her hair. While they had been in Ireland, Brendan had opened up about what had happened in prison with Ray. Cheryl had been shocked at first, questioning their relationship and his one with Stephen but then she had slowly understood the conflict in Brendan's mind.

"How was he? Pleased to see you I bet?"

"Ye, seemed to be" Brendan replied, munching on his toast. "Yummy by the way" he said offhand, flicking crumbs everywhere.

"Watch the bedding!" Cheryl chastised and Brendan smiled apologetically. Cheryl sighed and gave Brendan an affectionate smile; it was a lovely sight to behold.

"We're okay aren't we, Sis?" Brendan asked cautiously, reaching across to hold Cheryl's hand.

"Yeah" Cheryl sighed, her smile small and reflective. "But you need to be completely open with me from now on, Bren. No lies"

Brendan nodded, squeezing her hand. "Of course, ask me anything, I'm open to yer questions" Brendan joked, winking at Cheryl.

Cheryl grinned somewhat triumphantly. "Anything?"

Brendan's face fell. "Within reason…don't throw me into the deep end quite yet"

"I think that's what you need" Cheryl said, rising from the bed to open the curtains, allowing the sunlight to stream through.

"Ye know I do really need to get to the club…" Brendan said, standing up.

"Sit down" Cheryl ordered, placing her hand purposefully on Brendan's shoulder. Brendan did as he was told.

"Okay, so when is Ray out of prison?" Cheryl asked, sitting beside Brendan on the bed once more.

"Six weeks" Brendan replied.

"And what then? Will you see him?"

Brendan grimaced at Cheryl. "Actually, Sis I need to talk to ye about that…"

"What is it, love?" Cheryl asked, exasperated.

"I kind of offered Ray a job at the club…" Brendan awaited the onslaught.

"You did what? He's practically a stranger, Bren!"

"He isn't to me" Brendan answered. "And he has no where else to go" he added quietly.

Cheryl's eyes widened in understanding. "He isn't living here with us!"

"Hear me out, Chez" Brendan protested.

"I will not have it!" Cheryl stormed, standing up. "What was he sent down for?"

"Theft" Brendan said quietly. "But listen-"

"No you listen!" Cheryl shouted, clutching her necklace as though afraid Ray would somehow steal it. "This is my house too!"

"I get that, but-"

"No! And besides that, what will poor Ste say?"

"I've spoken to him, he's fine with it" Brendan told her, sighing.

Cheryl was taken off guard for a moment but ploughed on. "Well, he must be faking it then!"

"He isn't, Chez" Brendan rolled his eyes.

"You've hurt that boy enough" Cheryl accused, pointing at Brendan. "What does this Ray even look like anyway? I bet he isn't a patch on our Ste!"

Brendan silently withdrew the photograph of Ray. Cheryl took it from his hands and stared blankly at it. She said nothing for several moments.

"Chez?" Brendan asked tentatively.

"Well, he looks normal enough. I suppose he could stay for a little while" Cheryl said in a high voice, fluffing at her hair and blushing. "Is he coming soon?"

Brendan laughed and took the photograph back from Cheryl. "Soon enough yeah. Ye changed yer tune"

"I can tell you want him here so who am I to stand in the way?" Cheryl looked distracted, walking towards the bedroom door. "Oh and I'm not done grilling you by the way"

Brendan sighed and nodded. "Fine"

"Oh and Ste's coming for dinner tonight, Amy's taken the kids to her Dad's and he's all alone"

Brendan raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Chez! I'm trying to… do ye not understand? We need to be…" Brendan was so flustered he couldn't finish his sentences.

"If Ray's coming to stay you have to do this for me" Cheryl winked. "And I'll be here so don't panic. It'll be nice"

Brendan nodded numbly. "I guess…"

"Great! He's coming at seven, make sure to dress nice!" Cheryl swept out of the room.

Brendan groaned, collapsing backwards onto the bed.

XXX

Brendan eventually pulled himself upright to take a shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist afterwards, he retreated to his bedroom before Cheryl could bother him further with cooking ideas for their meal with Stephen. He was dripping everywhere, leaving a pool of water on his bedroom floor. Sitting on the edge of his bed and towelling his hair dry, Brendan glanced at his phone warily, making a decision. He picked it up and dialled the prison, requesting a phone conversation with Ray. They told him to be patient and Ray would get back to him.

Brendan sat impatiently on his bed, still undressed, awaiting his phone call. He needed to talk to Ray, ask his advice. By the time he received a phone call back, Brendan's body was near dry. He picked his phone up hastily after one ring.

"Hello?" He said huskily.

"Brendan? Hey" Brendan could detect the smile in Ray's voice. "How are you?"

"Ye, not too bad. Yerself?"

"Oh same old, same old" Ray paused. "So what do I owe this pleasure?"

Brendan fiddled with his bedcovers. "Just fancied a chat…"

Brendan heard Ray snort with laughter. "Really?" he asked sceptically.

Brendan huffed out a breath. "If ye must know I called to ask yer advice"

"Oh yeah? Feel free" Ray sounded annoyingly cheerful.

"Chez has invited Stephen over for dinner…" Brendan began awkwardly.

"And that's a problem?"

"Well, no. Kind of. I don't know" Brendan ran a hand through his hair.

"Are you scared something might happen?" Ray asked quietly.

"Depends what ye mean by something" Brendan replied.

"Well, from what you've told me of your relationship it often goes sex then violence, then abandonment, then sex again…"

"I get the picture, Ray"

"Alright. But I thought you were just friends now?"

"We are…"

"Than what's the problem?" Ray asked, chuckling.

"I'm scared I won't be able to…" Brendan mumbled nervously.

"Speak up, I can't hear you" Ray replied. He clearly could, the sneaky bastard.

"I'm scared I won't be able to resist…" Brendan said more clearly.

Ray was silent for a moment. "Would it be so terrible?"

"Yes! We're trying to keep it friendly, not complicate things"

"And how's that working for ya?" Ray asked, amusement evident in his tone.

"Oh brilliant, ye know, working together all the time, brushing past each other, walking into the cellar…" Brendan replied sarcastically.

"The cellar?" Ray asked curiously.

"Long story…" Brendan mumbled. "But now Chez wants him round here"

"But she'll be there" Ray reasoned. "I think you're just worrying for nothing. Just relax. What are you doing right now?"

"Sitting on me bed in a towel" Brendan replied, he was starting to get warm now that he'd dried off a bit.

"A towel you say?" Ray sounded thoughtful.

"Yes… that's what ye use when ye have a shower and need to dry off from the wet"

"And are you?"

"Am I what?" Brendan asked dubiously.

"Wet?"

Brendan spluttered slightly with a half-cough and half-laugh. "Are ye kidding me? Are we really doing this?"

"It's only a question" Ray said innocently.

Brendan considered this. "Well… okay. I'm not wet anymore; I had to wait for yer call"

"I'm sorry; I don't normally keep you waiting for me to come"

Brendan's eyes widened. He self consciously covered himself further with the towel and glanced at the door. "_Ray shut up" _he said pointedly. He could hear Ray laughing down the phone.

"Oh that's nothing, I have more than that"

"Really?" Brendan said, leaning back on his elbows. "I'd love to see ye try"

"Oh half the things I could say would get you too flustered"

"Ye reckon?"

"I'm almost certain of it"

"Hm, I'm not convinced"

"Alright then" Ray began, his voice lowering. "What if I told you I dreamt of you last night? Laid out on your back, legs wrapped around my shoulders, calling out my name?"

Brendan gulped and shifted uncomfortably. "I'd say… ye must be desperate for my love, baby" Brendan said ironically.

Ray barked out a laugh. "You haven't dreamt of me yet?"

"Um no… I don't tend to dream much"

"That's disappointing. I bet all your deepest desires would surface in dream form"

"I don't know if I have any hidden ones"

"Oh I bet you do" Ray said confidently. "There's always that little part of you that holds back, as though you're afraid of letting go of yourself…"

"Hey, hey. When did this get all serious?"

"I'm sorry, would you prefer it if I discussed your body underneath that towel?"

"I know I'm fabulous but ye don't have to tell me so every five minutes" Brendan joked, faking a camp accent.

"Oh, Brendan. You are full of shit"

"Rather be full of ye"

"Oh! Here we go" Ray said triumphantly.

"Ye will not break me"

"I think I already have"

"I'm not doing this here"

"Are you not alone?"

"Cheryl's around somewhere…"

"Ah, what a shame"

"Isn't it just" Brendan said dryly. "Not long till yer out, eh?"

"Nope. Six weeks to go"

"Have ye spoken to Donny yet?"

"A little" Ray said softly. "He seems happy enough; we haven't really discussed _us _you know?"

"Did ye tell him ye are coming here?"

"Yeah, he seemed alright with it. Almost as though he expected it"

"Perhaps ye are getting predictable"

"Perhaps he knows without him here I'm likely to go straight to you"

"Next best thing, ye?" Brendan said lightly.

"Course not" Ray said gruffly. "Just because I love two people at the same time doesn't mean I prefer one to the other"

Brendan looked down at the bed covers. "Ye, I get what ye mean actually"

"Any luck expressing things further than that?"

"With who?"

"Either"

"No"

"Fair enough" Ray didn't sound any less cheerful. Or perhaps he knew to hide it well by now. "Listen, I have to go in a minute… someone else is waiting for the phone"

"Okay, I'll call ye again soon"

"Perhaps next time we can branch out a little with the sexy talk…"

"Oh, Ray. It'd be like getting blood from a stone with me, ye know that"

"I don't see why. You're a remarkable sexual being"

"I think that's a compliment"

"It is"

"If you're feeling a little…stressed, at the prospect of resisting tonight, why not sort yourself out? And think of me of course"

"Are ye suggesting I have a w-"

"Bren! Are you nearly ready?" Cheryl called through the door, pulling on the handle.

Brendan jumped up guiltily. Ray was chortling down the phone.

"Speak soon, Brendan"

"Ye, thanks for that, bye for now"

XXX

When evening arrived, Brendan found himself unsure of what to wear. In the end he opted for dark trousers and a white, buttoned shirt. He sat downstairs on the sofa, back poised and alert. Cheryl walked in from the kitchen holding a salad bowl and gave him an odd look.

"Are you going to relax?"

Brendan glanced at her. "Eventually"

"Well if you're just going to sit there, you might as well help me set the table"

Brendan sighed and stood up, laying out three plates and three pairs of knives and forks. The doorbell rang.

"Can you answer that, love? I'm in the oven" Cheryl requested, pulling out a roast chicken from the oven.

Brendan rolled his eyes, smoothed his tashe down and pulled at his shirt. He fingered the buttons at his throat and undid several of them, allowing his chest hair to show itself. Taking a deep breath and re-arranging his features, he opened the door.

Stephen stood there dressed in a dark blue shirt with jeans. He was holding a bottle of Jameson's. He handed it to Brendan awkwardly. Brendan couldn't help but admire how nice he looked, especially in those tight jeans. Shaking his head as Stephen walked past him; Brendan regretted the fact that he hadn't taken Ray's earlier advice.

"Ste, love!" Cheryl greeted him happily. "Oh you bought whiskey, you are a love. You know we aren't so much a wine family" she winked at him. "Take a seat, you too Brendan. Dinner's almost done"

Stephen sat down on the sofa, his fingers laced together. Brendan sat beside him, not quite touching.

"Thanks for um, inviting me" Stephen said, glancing at Brendan.

"It was Cheryl really…" Brendan replied gruffly.

"Oh" Stephen looked a little disappointed.

"But thanks for coming, it's… nice having ye here" Brendan said awkwardly, not looking at Stephen.

"Thanks, I appreciate it" Stephen said, leaning back into the sofa. His shirt rose a little to expose part of his stomach. Brendan wondered how this always ended up happening to him. It was almost as though the universe _wanted _him to stare and be aroused by other men.

"Up the table you two!" Cheryl said, startling Brendan. He coughed, not quite meeting Stephen's eye and jumped up swiftly.

The dinner passed by comfortably enough, in the circumstances. Brendan wolfed down most of his dinner before Stephen and Cheryl had taken a few bites of theirs. He rose to pour them drinks, needing to keep his hands busy. As the evening drew on however, Brendan found himself beginning to relax.

"Leah's starting to get out of the toddler stage now, she's a lot less hyper than she used to be" Stephen was telling Cheryl. Brendan appreciated the little smile he wore whenever he spoke about his children. It warmed his heart and made him think of his own attachment to his boys.

"Poraic was a nightmare" Brendan said, smiling at Stephen. He saw out of the corner of his eye Cheryl smiling approvingly at him.

"Does it get any easier when they're older?" Stephen asked, his eyes shining brightly.

Brendan smiled thoughtfully. "I'm afraid not, lad. Pretty soon they'll go to proper school and all ye will hear of is this friend did this, this friend did that, my teacher told me... etc"

Stephen grinned. "I guess that's the joy of being a parent"

"Wouldn't trade it though" Brendan said more seriously.

"Me neither. Those kids are my life" Stephen agreed.

Cheryl beamed between the two of them. She glanced over at the clock. "Fancy watching a film, boys?"

Stephen glanced warily at Brendan. "I dunno, Chez. It'll get dark soon…"

"It's only nine, don't be silly!" Cheryl insisted, standing up to clear away their plates. "You two pick a film while I wash up"

"I can help…" Brendan began but Cheryl gave him a hard look. He didn't dare argue with her.

XXX

"Alright, Stephen. What do ye fancy then?" Brendan asked, bending by the TV searching through their somewhat limited film collection.

"Something action-y" Stephen said. "Can't be doing with stupid romantic comedies"

"Me neither" Brendan agreed. "Come down here and choose, ye?" Brendan said. Stephen shuffled onto the floor, kneeling beside Brendan. He was so close that Brendan could smell his aftershave. Brendan closed his eyes, remembering the way Stephen smelt after all the times they had been together. A mixture of his own aftershave and Brendan's, as well as the distinct smell of sex.

"This one" Stephen decided, handing the DVD to Brendan. His eyes locked with Brendan's. It was the first time they had made direct eye contact all night. It was exceedingly difficult to look away after that.

"Have you chosen yet? I have popcorn" Cheryl said from behind them.

Brendan stood up hastily, taking a seat in the chair beside the sofa. Stephen sat beside Cheryl.

"Bren! Come sit with us" Cheryl said, rolling her eyes at Stephen. "What's he like honestly?"

Brendan sighed and glanced at the seat beside Cheryl, who hastily pushed herself closer to the edge, looking at Brendan in feigned innocence. Brendan found himself sitting between the two of them. As the film started, Cheryl tossed the blanket from across the sofa over the three of them and munched away happily on the popcorn.

Brendan gave Stephen a look, who grinned back at him knowingly. "Fancy sharing with us, Sis?"

Cheryl glanced at them in surprise. "Oh! Of course" She handed it to Brendan who let Stephen dip his hand in first.

"Cheers" he said, chewing with his mouth open.

"Feel like closing yer gob?" Brendan asked Stephen lightly.

"Been a while since you said that to me" Stephen said, his eyes widening as he realised what he had just said. He coughed awkwardly and almost choked on his pop corn. Brendan gave him a pat on the back.

"That'll teach ye being smart with me" Brendan's eyes twinkled, making Stephen smile, his cheeks flushed pink. He looked adorable. Brendan's cock twitched hopefully.

"Oh I love this part!" Cheryl said loudly, alerting Brendan to the current situation.

The film continued. Brendan found himself becoming more relaxed. He moved his body slightly, pulling at the blanket so it covered them all better. He felt his hand brush Stephen's beneath the cover. Stephen looked at him, his expression unreadable.

Feeling oddly brave, Brendan moved his hand so it covered Stephen's, giving him a light squeeze. Stephen looked at him in some surprise and when Brendan moved his hand away, he automatically reached out to grab it back, entwining his fingers with Brendan's. It was a nice feeling. It was an intimacy they hadn't shared before. It felt almost normal, sitting together with Cheryl, like a family. Brendan felt strangely relaxed at the thought of it. A few months ago the very prospect of it would have sent him running from the room but now he remained, Stephen's hand a gentle pressure against his own.

When the film ended, Cheryl yawned sleepily and glanced at the clock.

"Oh gosh, it's late! You'd better stay with us, Ste"

"Oh, its okay I can walk home…"

"Nonsense! It's too dark for that, we won't have it, will we Brendan?"

"I can walk him home" Brendan suggested.

"No, I don't want you out there either" Cheryl said.

"I'm a big boy, Chez. I can handle myself"

Cheryl looked unconvinced. "Just stay, Ste. It'll be nice. You're already relaxed"

Stephen glanced at Brendan before nodding at Cheryl. "Alright, I might as well sleep here considering how comfortable I already am" He gave Brendan's hand another squeeze for good measure.

"Don't be soft, ye can have my bed"

"No honestly, it's fine. You won't win this argument, Bren. Trust me" Stephen grinned pushing at Brendan. "Go on, go to bed"

"You heard the lad, Brendan" Cheryl said, rising from the sofa. "Do you need a pillow, love?"

"I've got enough here, thanks" Stephen replied.

"See you in the morning then" Cheryl said, kissing his cheek. Brendan hesitated as Cheryl walked up the stairs.

"Night" he said gruffly.

"Goodnight" Stephen said, lying on his back.

Lying in his own bed, Brendan found that he couldn't' sleep for some time. He must have fallen asleep however because when he heard his door open later he felt as though a certain amount of time had passed. Stephen stood silhouetted in the doorway, shirtless.

"What's the matter?" Brendan asked groggily, raising himself in his bed. He was shirtless too, the night was warm.

"I can't sleep" Stephen said quietly, closing the door behind him.

Brendan looked at him carefully. "Do ye wanna sleep here?" He moved slightly to make room. Stephen nodded apologetically, sliding beneath the covers.

"Thanks" he murmured.

"No problem" Brendan closed his eyes, oddly reassured by Stephen's presence in the bed. He felt as though he could sleep properly now, not like the restless sleep he was having before Stephen woke him up.

"Bren?" Stephen whispered, turning his head to face him.

"Ye?"

"Is this okay?"

"Of course it is" Brendan replied. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know. It's not too weird?" Stephen sounded unsure of himself.

Brendan sighed and moved towards Stephen, who flinched before he realised what Brendan was doing. Brendan wrapped his arms securely around him, pulling him close so his back was resting against Brendan's chest.

"Still weird?" He muttered into his ear.

"No, not anymore" Stephen breathed.

"Good, now get some sleep" Brendan exhaled deeply, intoxicated by Stephen's scent. He ignored the stirrings in his groin and closed his eyes, enjoying the moment.

"Thanks, Bren. Night"

"Night" Brendan murmured, holding Stephen that little bit tighter, pleased to know he was solid and reassuring in his grasp. It relaxed him, knowing Stephen was here and safe with him. It explained why he often found himself unable to sleep, thinking of the lad, amongst over reasons. He drifted off to sleep easily, the last sounds he heard like music to his ears, Stephen's steady heartbeat and gentle breaths.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Ray was buried deep inside Brendan. Brendan felt as though he were on fire; his body was shaking and sweating, overwhelmed with desire and need. His fingernails trailed along Ray's back, leaving small, distinguished marks. Ray groaned and thrust in deeper, pulling Brendan's wrists above his head and gripping them there. It was almost animalistic in the way Ray was pushing into him, as though his control had slipped and he was simply giving in to his desire, uninhibited. It made Brendan feel incredibly aroused. His erection pushed against Ray's stomach, desperate to feel some kind of friction between them.

"Ray" Brendan moaned, almost scared that to speak would break the spell.

"Brendan" Ray answered gruffly.

Ray released Brendan's wrists, allowing Brendan to place his hands across Ray's buttocks. He gripped them tightly, feeling the firmness between his fingertips, solid and reassuring.

Ray's pace increased and Brendan closed his eyes, his head thrown back in ecstasy. He found himself crying out and reaching forwards. Ray held his hand firmly in his own, bringing it to his lips to kiss. Except his lips were softer than Brendan remembered, and he couldn't feel the familiar stubble rubbing against his skin. Brendan ignored this and bucked his hips, except now they were pushing down.

Brendan opened his eyes and saw Stephen beneath him, looking up at him with his bright blue eyes, his lips parted in desire. Brendan's eyes widened at the sight; he was now the one on top, pleasuring Stephen. Where was Ray? What was going on?

"Bren" Stephen breathed, his palm flat against Brendan's chest.

Brendan found himself distracted and resumed making love to Stephen. He was more tender than Ray had been with him, his thrusts almost shallow in their intensity. Stephen groaned and pushed himself flush against Brendan, urging him to go in deeper.

Brendan burrowed his face in Stephen's shoulder, once more intoxicated by his scent.

"I love ye" he mumbled against Stephen's throat, feeling tears spring to his eyes. He blinked them open and found himself once again looking up at Ray.

"Do you love me?" Ray asked, a gentle smile on his face.

"Yes" Brendan replied automatically, but he was torn. He felt the emptiness around himself where Stephen had once consumed him. Ray attempted to fill that void but Brendan remained distracted. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to be here, with Ray dominating him, pleasuring him, or if he wanted to be with Stephen, feel him submit to him. Why did it have to be one or the other? Why did Brendan have to be submissive with one and dominant with the other?

It shifted again. Ray and Stephen were both there now, naked. No one was inside anyone. Brendan was on his back, Ray and Stephen were staring down at him, arms crossed, both looking furiously at him.

"Wh-what?" Brendan stuttered, feeling self-conscious under the directness of their gazes.

"You know what" Stephen told him, his tone stern.

"I don't!" Brendan protested, attempting to sit up. Ray pushed him down gently with his foot.

"You aren't going anywhere until you decide" Ray told him.

"But I can't!" Brendan was becoming frantic. He was still oddly aroused, despite it all.

"Then we're both gone" Stephen told him, the air around him shimmering. He disappeared.

"Stephen!" Brendan screamed out. He looked at Ray, eyes wide and desperate but Ray was gone too.

That was when Brendan woke up.

He was sweating all over, and he was hard. Brendan felt a body move against him and he almost jumped out of bed reflexively until he realised it was Stephen, still sound asleep.

Brendan breathed out deeply and settled back down beneath the covers. Stephen's arm was thrown across his waist which wasn't helping the issue between his legs.

It would be impossible to leave the bed and not wake Stephen. And then what? Stephen would see he was aroused and he would leave, because they were just friends, right?

A voice in Brendan's head told him that friends didn't cuddle in bed all night half-naked like they just had. And friends didn't dream of having sex with their friends. Or maybe they did, Brendan had never had that problem.

And what about Ray? What was his part in all of this? Brendan had admitted his love for him in his dream, what did it all mean? And why was he suddenly having such vivid dreams? His head was a mess, that was certain. And yet he couldn't get the dream out of his head, and he certainly couldn't calm his erection down.

Stephen began to stir next to him. Brendan hastily shut his eyes, feigning sleep. He felt Stephen's arms stretch out and he felt his hand brush against him. Shit.

"Brendan?" Stephen asked questioningly. "You're awake aren't you?"

Brendan opened one eye to look at him. "Morning, Stephen. Can I help ye?" He tried to keep his voice smooth, flat. But he was cracking beneath the surface.

Stephen looked down at him, frowning. He glanced from Brendan's face, to the noticeable bulge beneath the covers, his eyebrows raised.

"Are you…?" Stephen laughed nervously.

Brendan looked blankly up at him. "Am I what, Stephen?"

Stephen coughed. "You've um…you're…" he trailed off uncomfortably. Despite his discomfort, Brendan was thrilled that he was making Stephen blush again. It fuelled more blood to his lower region.

Brendan made a quick decision. He probably should have thought it through better before he did it but he was caught in the moment. He pulled himself upright, grasped Stephen against him and crushed his lips to Stephen's. Stephen was too stunned to respond at first but it wasn't long before his mouth opened invitingly for Brendan's tongue to push inside, tasting every corner of Stephen's mouth, memorising it.

Brendan pulled Stephen down onto the bed so that he was resting on top of him, his arms wrapped securely around his waist. His kisses were fierce at times, and then gentle. Stephen pushed his groin against Brendan's, making Brendan groan in arousal. Stephen pulled away from their kiss and looked into Brendan's eyes. Brendan stared back at him, his breath catching in his throat.

"Bren, what are we doing?" Stephen spoke with great difficultly. His throat sounded raw and unlike his own. Brendan realised that he was overcome with desire but was trying to disguise it, and failing.

"What does it look like?" Brendan answered, rubbing his hands up Stephen's bare arms.

"This isn't right" Stephen said, beginning to move away from Brendan.

"What? Of course it is. Stephen, come here"

"No" Stephen climbed off of him and off of the bed. "We can't keep doing this"

"Doing what? Enjoying ourselves?" Brendan was frustrated; he crawled across the bed to trap Stephen's hand between his own.

"No. I mean sleeping together, and then you acting like it didn't happen, or me freaking out about it. I haven't got the energy for it anymore"

"It won't…it doesn't have to be…"

"No, it has to be this way" Stephen wrenched his hand carefully out of Brendan's. "I'm sorry, I have to go" Stephen moved backwards towards the door, grasping the handle.

"Stephen, please wait" Brendan said, astounded to hear himself beg.

"We'll talk later, yeah? I have to- I can't stay here" Stephen glanced down at the covers which covered Brendan's crotch. "I just can't" he whispered before rushing out of the door.

Brendan jumped out of bed, following him. "Stephen!" he hissed after him, aware that Cheryl would still be asleep at this time. Stephen was already in the living room putting his shirt back on.

Brendan moved to stand between Stephen and the door. "Just talk to me, ye?"

Stephen sighed and moved closer to the door, in the process standing nearer to Brendan. Close enough to touch. Brendan moved his hand to cup Stephen's cheek, pulling him close for another kiss. Stephen responded once more, pushing himself against Brendan's body willingly, as though wanting to be as close as possible. He pushed him against the wall, his hands stroking Brendan's chest and shoulders, his neck. Brendan closed his eyes as Stephen began kissing against his neck and jaw. Suddenly Stephen withdrew. Brendan opened his eyes to see Stephen's hand on the door handle.

"Don't" Brendan said with obvious emotion. Stephen looked startled for a moment, kissed Brendan once more, and departed. Brendan slid down the wall, his hands against his face, his hands balling up into fists as he did so. He almost punched the wall, but then remembered what Ray had once told him. He was alarmed and horrified to discover tears running down his face. He wiped them away angrily and stood up, swiftly retreating to his room to dress.

He had to visit Ray.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Brendan sat behind the table, his hands in front of him in their usual clasped posture as they were wont to do in times of anxiety. The prisoners hadn't entered the visiting room yet and Brendan was becoming impatient. He glanced towards the clock above the door. Two pm. It had been a long morning. Brendan had almost gone after Stephen again but had decided to wait things out, see what Ray thought about it all.

He had told Cheryl about it. Well, not the grisly details but a basic version of events. She had looked disappointed, told him he'd pushed things too far too fast and that Stephen probably just needed more time. She offered to speak to Stephen on his behalf but Brendan told her to leave it for now. The last thing he needed was Stephen going off on him about spreading their personal business, even if it was his sister.

The door opened and the prisoners began to file into the room. Brendan sat up straighter and spotted Ray almost immediately. He gave him an easy smile which Ray returned before sitting down opposite him.

Brendan was lost for words for a moment. He found himself distracted seeing Ray in person and remembering his earlier dream that had inevitably been imprinted on his memory.

"You alright there, Brendan?" Ray asked, his head tilted to the side and a wide grin on his face.

Brendan shook his head to clear it. "Sorry, yes. Hello by the way"

"Hello" Ray said, smirking. "What's on your mind, hm?"

"Ye are, among other things" Brendan said hesitantly.

"Am I now?" Ray shuffled forwards, his chin resting on his arms.

Brendan reached out to stroke a line down Ray's arm where the muscle tensed.

"I had a dream this morning"

"Really? What about?"

Brendan looked down at the table. He hated feeling embarrassed.

"Hey, you can tell me" Ray said softly, reaching across the table to place his hand over Brendan's.

Brendan rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "I had a sex dream about ye" he mumbled quietly.

Ray laughed loudly and then had to stuff his fist into his mouth to stifle himself. He looked at Brendan apologetically.

"Sorry, it's just quite an amusing coincidence" Ray continued to smile. "What happened in this dream then?"

Brendan, continuing to glare even after Ray's laughter had subsided, coughed and looked at the floor. "I don't wanna talk about it"

"Oh come on! You can't tell me that and then not go into details"

"Life ain't perfect, deal with it" Brendan said sarcastically, smirking.

Ray raised his eyebrows, leaning across the table to look more intently into Brendan's eyes. "Come on, give me the basics" he said gently, a small smile playing on his lips. Brendan felt his cock twitching once more.

"Fine. There was… us, we were, ye know"

"Fucking" Ray nodded. "Continue"

Brendan felt himself reddening. "Right, ye, whatever. Then Stephen was there instead, and I was…well… ye know"

"Fucking him" Ray's gaze was unflinching.

"Right"

"And then what?"

"There was some talking… some revelations" Brendan wondered if Ray had a clue what he was talking about because he was struggling to follow the conversation himself. "And then I woke up, and Stephen was there and I was…_aroused" _Brendan said the last word quietly, as though ashamed to utter it. Ray looked annoyed for a moment but it passed so quickly Brendan wondered if he had imagined it.

"You can admit you were aroused, Brendan" Ray said calmly, confirming Brendan's earlier thought.

"Ye" Brendan glanced around himself uncomfortably. "Anyway, so I kissed him"

"And then?"

"He ran away"

Ray looked thoughtful. "Did he explain why?"

"He just said he couldn't do it…"

Ray nodded, his mouth a little tense at the edges. Brendan frowned at him questioningly but Ray eventually smiled, seemingly back to himself.

"Its okay, Brendan. You didn't do anything wrong as such, Stephen's probably just a bit overwhelmed at the moment. You can do that to people you know" Ray said, grinning at him. "Just go to him when you get home, have a proper talk with him. Everything will sort itself out"

"What would I do without ye, eh?" Brendan muttered, smiling to himself. Ray's smile softened in return, his eyes looked a little sad. "Is something wrong?" Brendan immediately asked, tilting his foot underneath the table to rub gently at Ray's leg.

"Sometimes I forget that you have this whole other life on the outside, away from me" Ray said gently, his smile unwavering.

"Hey, ye will be a part of that soon enough"

"I know" Ray shook his head as though frustrated with himself. "Sorry, it's been an odd couple of days. Donny called yesterday; he seemed a bit…funny"

"Funny?" Brendan cocked his head to the side. "In what way?"

"It just felt like he wasn't telling me something. He seemed a bit upset with me, to be honest"

"Why would he be? Ye haven't done anything wrong"

"Except fall in love with someone else?" Ray shook his head, smiling wistfully. "He gets it, but he doesn't necessarily love the idea"

"Course not" Brendan mumbled awkwardly. "But ye told me it doesn't mean ye love him any less"

"And I don't. But he's gone, and you're here, sort of"

"Ye will be out soon enough, I'm sure things will be easier then" Brendan said confidently. It was rare that he was the one reassuring Ray of things.

"I know, well I hope so anyway. Have you told Cheryl yet?"

Brendan chuckled. "Oh ye, I think she fancies ye"

Ray laughed out loud. "Oh I don't think she's the Brady for me somehow"

"Oh ye? And who is?" Brendan leaned a little closer to Ray. Ray stole a quick kiss, much to Brendan's surprise.

"You" he said teasingly. "Now off you go, visiting time's almost up"

Brendan felt regretful all of a sudden. "I wish we had longer to talk, I feel like we've only scratched the surface of what we wanna say to each other"

"Well, when we're out we can stay up all night talking if you like" Ray said with an obvious wink. "Now bugger off, you lovely bastard. I have some weight training to be getting on with"

"Suit yerself" Brendan said, standing up. Ray grabbed his wrist before he could leave. "What is it?"

"See you soon, yeah?" Ray asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Of course" Brendan said with a mock bow. He looked off to the side before turning back to look directly into Ray's face. "Don't be long coming out, ye? I kinda miss ye around"

"Likewise" Ray grinned, releasing Brendan's wrist. "Good luck, by the way"

"Cheers" Brendan said, flashing Ray his teeth before leaving the visiting room.

XXX

Later at the club, Ste was busy tidying up a few empty glasses when Brendan entered the room. It was just the two of them and the tension was palpable. Ste looked at Brendan, wondering who would break the silence first. He felt embarrassed about what had occurred this morning; he shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. They were trying to do the friend thing and it had almost been ruined. Ste was content to have Brendan in his life in some way or another, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was slowly slipping away from him.

He didn't know if that was down to Ray, or down to everything they had been through. But something had changed; _Brendan _had changed. He was more hesitant with Ste, gentler, warmer. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing; it wasn't as though Ste was after a beating. But he couldn't help feeling disheartened at the knowledge that he hadn't been the one to help Brendan, that Ray had, a relative stranger. Ste was oddly grateful to the man, regardless of what he and Brendan had been up to in prison together. It only bothered Ste when he really thought about it, which he didn't do often.

A part of Ste knew that he and Brendan should walk away from each other but another part, the more dominant part, knew this to be impossible. They were like magnets, drawn together repeatedly and unable to separate, no matter the circumstances. Ste had tried, God he had really tried. Noah had been a mistake, that much was certain. He was supposed to be a distraction, a fresh start. But he didn't mean enough to Ste, and he didn't fit into Ste's life properly; namely with Amy and the kids. And weirdly Brendan did. Amy may hate him but even she couldn't deny the fact that he fully embraced the fact that Ste had responsibilities as a parent, something Noah had never accomplished.

Ste glanced over at Brendan, who was making his way slowly towards him as though reluctant to startle him. Ste met him halfway in the middle of the club. The air around them felt stilted; one of them had to speak soon otherwise Ste felt as though he was about to scream.

"Stephen" Brendan said croakily, reaching out a hand but then changing his mind to run it through his hair. "Alright?"

"Yes" Ste replied, his voice unnaturally high. He coughed to clear it. "Where have you been?"

"To see Ray" Brendan said, looking directly into Ste's face. Ste knew what he wanted, he wanted jealously. Ste wasn't going to give it to him.

"That's nice" he said calmly, brushing past Brendan to the other side of the bar. Brendan grabbed his hand, preventing his movement. It wasn't a painful grip but it was powerful enough to stop Ste in his tracks.

"I'm sorry about this morning" Brendan said very quietly. "It was too soon, it wasn't right"

Ste turned to face him. "Its okay, it was both of us really. We got caught up in the moment"

Brendan nodded, twisting his fingers in Ste's hand. He didn't seem to want to let go.

"I can't explain what's going on right now" Brendan said softly, having one of his rare moments of clarity. Ste cherished them like stardust.

"Do you love Ray?" Ste blurted out, unable to stop himself.

Brendan looked into his eyes, steely in their intensity. "I…I can't say"

Ste was disappointed, he tried to pull himself out of Brendan's grip but it proved impossible.

"I want ye to listen" Brendan said steadily.

"Of course I'm listening" Ste gave up his attempts to get free. "Just tell me what you're thinking, for once"

Brendan bowed his head. "I'm thinking that…I love you, and it's driving me insane"

Ste was momentarily stunned. Brendan's grip slackened and Ste's hand flopped uselessly back to his side.

He had known of Brendan's feelings for him the day he had confronted him about Danny's murder. But he had never heard Brendan utter those words. And he hadn't believed them, after what had happened between them afterwards. Everything had been so messed up back then and now things felt, well not clearer but certainly less complicated. Ste felt as though Brendan were telling him this because he needed to, not because he wanted Ste to be his unconditionally. No matter how true that might be.

"Brendan…" Ste was lost for words.

"Ye don't have to say anything" Brendan said, not looking Ste in the eye. "This is as hard for me as it is for ye"

"I don't doubt that" Ste replied quietly. "You really love me?"

"Yes. More than I probably should but there ye go"

Ste looked at Brendan incredulously. He took in his defeated posture, his insecurity and yet there was still that magnetic quality there. That confidence that always drew Ste in relentlessly. Brendan's power over him was shifting all the time; but for the first time in a long time, Ste felt as though he had some kind of control back. He reached out gingerly to stroke along Brendan's arm. Brendan looked at him in surprise, his eyes moist. Ste stepped forwards, his chest inches away from Brendan's. He looked up into his eyes freely as though informing Brendan that he was okay with this, that he wanted it.

Brendan was conflicted for a moment; it was an obvious emotion on his face, in his eyes. But then he drew Ste closer and kissed him so softly Ste felt as though he might melt into a puddle on the floor. Brendan's hand reached behind the back of Ste's head and pulled him closer in, his mouth tasting every inch of Ste's mouth.

Ste found himself being pushed backwards towards the office. Brendan undressed him quickly, kissing at every inch of skin he could get his mouth to. He laid Ste out on the floor and removed his own clothes before kissing all the way from Ste's mouth to his cock, his lips lingering there to moisten the tip. Ste groaned, his hands finding their way into Brendan's dark mane of hair. Feeling Brendan's mouth wrapped around him once more felt very disconcerting and yet oddly wonderful, like returning home after a long holiday. Ste knew it would never be this good with anyone else and the thought petrified him. Brendan sufficiently distracted him however by moving up to cup Ste's face and kissing him once more, more fiercely this time.

When Brendan found himself able to enter Ste, Ste drew his legs back to give him more room to do so. Brendan entered him, his eyes never leaving his face. His thrusts were slow at first but gradually built up momentum. Ste threw his head back, reaching out blindly with his hand to attach himself somewhere to Brendan's skin. One of Brendan's hands reached out to grasp it, holding tightly.

Ste felt himself gradually building up to his climax. He bucked his hips up to rub himself against Brendan's skin, the hair tickling against the base of him. It took Brendan climaxing within him, feeling himself tighten around him as he did so, that finally threw Ste over the edge.

They both lay there for several moments, neither of them able to move. Brendan reached out to push Ste's hair away from his face, a natural gesture that he often did before and after their most intimate moments. Eventually Brendan was able to withdraw from Ste and stand up once more to dress himself. He held out a hand to help Ste to his feet and then drew him close in an embrace. Ste felt Brendan's nose at his neck, inhaling his scent. It sent shivers down Ste's spine, knowing what this meant to Brendan, what _he _meant to Brendan. It was somewhat overwhelming.

Ste pulled away to look into Brendan's face, his eyes searching him for any traces of emotion about where this might lead. What he saw there shattered his heart. Brendan looked defeated, he looked devastated. And Ste knew instinctively how hard this had been for Brendan; to open himself up completely, to give himself to Ste in this way even though he still wasn't ready for any of this, wasn't ready for a real relationship, wasn't ready to be the man Ste deserved him to be. Ste knew all of this before and yet he couldn't help himself. He had let himself believe for one moment that this was endgame for them. Now he knew better. He pulled away from Brendan, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Brendan let him go, knowing what Ste had read in his face and unable to argue against what Ste believed to be true.

Had it been worth it? Ste wondered as he walked away from Brendan, muttering his love for him in goodbye. Of course it had. He now knew the truth, no matter how heartbreaking it would be. Brendan wasn't ready for this, and who knew what or who it would take to show him that he could be, if he would only let himself. But Brendan had told him he loved him, and for now Ste would treasure that and remember it in darker days and embrace it when the lighter days would come.

**A/N:**Just to reassure people, this isn't the end of Stendan. Plenty more of the story to be told :)


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

_Five weeks later…_

Brendan finally felt settled back into village life. The club was running smoothly, he and Cheryl were getting on better than before and even Foxy was laying off him, for now. Even the situation with Stephen had improved massively. They were much less awkward with each other; it was almost as though the sex had broken the tension between them.

Of course, immediately after their last encounter things had been exceedingly uncomfortable for a few days. They had both tried to avoid each other for a while but all that achieved was further longing and doubts. Brendan knew that it was the right thing to do by letting Stephen go. It may have been painful for the two of them but Brendan knew deep down that despite his love for him, he still wasn't ready to accept who he was and be in a relationship with anyone.

And with Ray… Brendan really didn't know. Ray wasn't asking for a relationship and yet he had told him that he loved him. Brendan found it strange that he wasn't asking for more, as a lot of the people in his life tended to do. Brendan didn't want to think too deeply about his feelings for Ray right now; it would only complicate matters.

Walking out of Chez Chez, Brendan slipped into the car he had borrowed from a friend and drove in the direction of the police station. He had seen Ray a few more times over the last few weeks and had promised to pick him up when he was out; it wasn't as though he had anyone else after all.

Stepping out of the car, Brendan popped in a piece of chewing gum to calm his nerves and walked towards the police station, hands deeply rooted in his pockets. Every time he came anywhere near a prison establishment his palms felt prickly with tension. But for Ray it was always worth it. When Brendan attached himself to someone, they were under his protection for life. He had failed in protecting his past lovers from himself; Vinnie, Macca and most importantly, Stephen, but he hoped that at least with Ray he could do things right.

Brendan took a seat in the station, crossing his legs and smacking his lips together with his gum, trying to keep his cool. He received a few odd looks from the officers on duty; most likely pondering if they had seen his face before. Brendan was relieved that he never had to come here again now that Ray was out. Just being near the place made him remember the crime he had committed that he had yet to be discovered for.

Sometimes he wondered whether he belonged here. He had taken another man's life after all, no matter the extenuating circumstances. He still saw Danny's face at night when he closed his eyes; sometimes he haunted his dreams, laughing at him, holding Stephen in a threatening manner, making Brendan feel the bile rise in his throat and yet unable to spill it. And Stephen would look at him, his blue eyes shining with tears, looking utterly betrayed and devastated, telling Brendan that he had taken everything away from him, had marked him out as a victim, and had now cost him his life. And then Danny took it from him. Brendan would scream out Stephen's name, trying to get to him and he would fail. Every time. Almost every night. And then he would wake up covered in sweat and fear, clinging to his pillow as though it were Stephen, and sometimes wishing that it was.

Tearing his mind away from such dark musings, Brendan's ears perked up when he heard a recognisable laugh from down the hallway. He stood up immediately, slicking back his hair, smoothing down his moustache. He spit out his gum out and tossed it into the bin; Ray didn't like him chewing it all the time.

Coming round the corner, Ray's wide smile relaxed as his eyes found Brendan's. He held out his arms to him, a challenge in his eyes as though daring Brendan to resist. Brendan hesitated and allowed himself to be held, briefly. Ray got in a good squeeze before releasing him, holding him by the shoulders at arms length.

"Brady" he greeted him. "Oh I could kiss you, you know"

"Don't though" Brendan smirked, clapping him on the shoulder.

Ray laughed. "You need a lot of work, my friend. Come on, let's get out of here" Ray slung his arm easily around Brendan's shoulders and headed towards the door. Ray grinned at the officers in farewell and held Brendan tight to prevent him loosening his grip. It was impossible to argue with the man.

"Ye seem cheerful" Brendan commented as they walked towards the car.

"Wouldn't you be? Just got out of prison" Ray replied happily, allowing Brendan to open the car door for him. "Such a gentleman" he teased, easing himself into the passenger's seat.

Brendan put his shades on and started up the engine. Ray gave him an amused look. "What?" Brendan asked, glancing from him to the road.

"You look so cool" Ray said, smirking.

"That is because I am" Brendan replied easily, fingering his shades.

"Well I can't argue with that" Ray settled back into his seat, his head resting back, eyes closed contently. "It feels so good to be out" he commented, winding down his window to let the air hit his face. His hair whirled around everywhere. "I can finally get a hair cut"

"No!" Brendan said sharply, looking over at Ray. "Don't ye dare"

"Really?" Ray asked inquisitively.

"I like it, leave it"

"For you, anything" Ray smiled and closed his eyes once more. He looked the most relaxed Brendan had ever seen him. The sunlight danced across his face, revealing the slight hints of age there. It was strange to Brendan because the majority of his lovers were normally younger than him; clear-faced, youthful, eager. It felt unusual to be in the company of someone his own age, someone he could relate to.

Ray turned his head to the side, grinning widely at him. Brendan nodded, a small smile on his face, before turning his attention back to the road.

When they eventually arrived at the village, Brendan parked up near Chez Chez, taking a moment once the engine was turned off. This was a big step, introducing Ray to his life in the village. It was entirely possible that Ray wouldn't like the Brendan he saw here. Brendan had prepared himself for it but he would still be devastated. Ray was more than a friend to him, he had opened Brendan up in ways that no one else had ever managed to. It would be very damaging to Brendan to lose him now, when he had come so far. More than that, he would miss him terribly.

"Alright?" Ray asked softly, placing his hand on his leg, squeezing reassuringly.

"Ye" Brendan nodded, looking up and taking his sunglasses off. His eyes immediately locked with Stephen's, who was walking towards the stairs in his uniform. Stephen froze, looking fixedly at Brendan.

Sighing, Brendan stepped out of the car.

"Stephen" he said, his voice low and rough.

"Bren" Stephen said, his eyes lingering towards Ray, who had exited the car at the same time as Brendan.

"Stephen!" Ray said joyfully, rushing forwards to shake his hand, much to Stephen's bemusement. "So glad I can finally meet you, heard so much about you" Ray glanced back at Brendan, still smiling. Brendan didn't know where he got the stomach for it.

"Um, thanks. It's nice to meet you too" Stephen said politely, looking at Brendan steadily. "I was just going into work… are you coming up?" Stephen looked a little uneasy, faced with both Brendan and Ray together. He stood up that little bit straighter but it was no use against the two taller men.

"I'm just gonna settle Ray back at mine first" Brendan told him quietly.

Stephen's face betrayed the smallest hints of surprise at Brendan's admission. "Right. Of course. He'll be living with you" Stephen ran his hand through his hair awkwardly. Brendan noticed his hand was somewhat unsteady.

Ray glanced at Brendan uneasily. "You're welcome to join us, Stephen"

"That's okay; I've got to get to work anyway. Thank you though" Stephen said, smiling a little. "And its Ste, only Brendan calls me Stephen"

Ray raised his eyebrows at Brendan. "You never told me that" he said with some surprise. "Would you prefer Ste then?" he asked Stephen kindly.

"Yeah, if you don't mind"

"Of course! I might slip up sometimes though, too used to it now, so I'll apologise in advance" Ray's smile was still firmly intact.

"Talk about me a lot, hm?" Stephen asked, glancing between the two men. Brendan looked away.

"Only good things, promise!" Ray said, laughing. "We won't keep you, sorry. See you later then?"

"Yeah, see you" Stephen gave Brendan another look before turning away to walk up the stairs.

Ray let out a breath. "I think that went well, don't you?"

Brendan rolled his eyes, giving him a hard look before walking in the direction of his place, Ray following.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

"So this is the Brady's palace, is it?" Ray asked, looking around at Brendan and Cheryl's house.

"Ye, it's not much…" Brendan began sheepishly.

"No, it's lovely" Ray said seriously, giving Brendan a small smile. "And there's your beautiful sister!" Ray had spotted Cheryl as she walked down the stairs dressed somewhat more extravagantly for walking around the house.

"You must be Ray" Cheryl said, a little more reserved than she normally was. Brendan raised his eyebrows at her.

"Ray, Cheryl" he introduced them. Ray's smile widened as he gave Cheryl a quick hug, much to her embarrassment.

"It's lovely to meet you, Cheryl. I hope you don't mind me staying here in your home" Ray said pleasantly.

Cheryl was somewhat flustered. "No, not at all… Bren said you needed a place to stay, how could I say no?" Cheryl began fluffing up her hair as she looked Ray over appreciatively. "Do you have any siblings, Ray?"

"Yes, I have two brothers"

Cheryl tilted her head to the side, smiling. "Aw, aren't they a nightmare?"

"Hey!" Brendan protested but Cheryl ignored him.

"At times" Ray agreed, laughing a little. "I'm sure your Bren is a treat though, he couldn't speak any more highly of you"

"Oh really?" Cheryl smirked, looking behind Ray at Brendan who put his hand over his face in exasperation.

"Yep, he's a closed book most of the time but his face lights up when he talks about you" Ray said kindly, making Cheryl smile sweetly at him.

"I am here ye know!" Brendan said loudly, but he was once again ignored.

"How do you get him to open up, Ray? We've all been trying for years but to no avail" Cheryl slung an arm around his shoulder, leading him towards the kitchen, leaving Brendan behind. "Would you like a cup of tea? Then we can have a good natter" she grinned happily at him.

"I'd love to" Ray said, turning his head to wink at Brendan. "Oh I have some stories to tell you. Brendan's not quite as hard as you might think"

"Oh I've always seen his sensitive side, even if others haven't" Cheryl whispered loudly.

"I'll just take these up, ye?" Brendan asked in annoyance, picking up Ray's bag.

"Thanks!" Ray called over his shoulder, helping Cheryl make the tea.

Brendan rolled his eyes and stalked up the stairs. There were a few spare rooms in the house but Cheryl had made up the guest room nicely next to hers. Brendan was somewhat suspicious about that. He placed Ray's bag in his room and looked around.

It was amazing how many spare rooms they had considering only three of them lived there; now four. Brendan had kept one of the rooms as a spare for when his boys might visit, but Eileen always seemed a bit uncertain at letting them come over. It gave Brendan dark thoughts about the reason why, which were ridiculous considering Eileen's character but nevertheless bothered him as everything about the prospect of being gay did.

He still couldn't admit it, and wasn't sure he ever could. Ray had tried to get him to admit it many, many times but Brendan was resistant. He could admit that he loved Stephen but only if he didn't dwell too long on the fact that Stephen was a man and so was he. It made no sense in Brendan's mind because everything that attracted him to Stephen was _because _of his manliness. Even more so with Ray.

Brendan had become resigned to the fact that the journey he was on was a long one and that he might never get to a place where he was comfortable being in a real relationship with a man. He had been tempted five weeks ago when he and Stephen had found themselves drawn together once more. When they had finished up on the floor together, Brendan had tried so hard to bring himself to ask Stephen to stay with him, but he just couldn't do it. Stephen had looked at his face and he had known the truth immediately. His expression had been mixed with both sadness and pity; pity for a man who couldn't admit what he really was and as a result was slowly losing the man he loved, and potentially the chance to move on with another man, who he also loved.

"Brendan?" Ray asked hesitantly, his head poking around the corner. "You okay?"

"Of course" Brendan said gruffly, wiping at his eyes. "Enjoying getting to know my sister are ye?"

"Yeah, she's lovely" Ray said absentmindedly. "Hey, what's the matter?" He came to sit beside Brendan on the bed, wrapping an arm around his waist. He pulled Brendan's head down gently to rest on his shoulder because he knew Brendan wouldn't do it voluntarily.

"Nothing" Brendan replied, his voice low.

"We were only messing downstairs…" Ray began.

"It's not that. It's nice seeing ye get on, means a lot" Brendan looked up to the ceiling. "Just got the same shit on my mind"

"Ah" Ray said, holding Brendan a little closer. "You and Ste… what happened?"

Brendan looked at Ray curiously. "What do ye mean?"

"You slept together" Ray said confidently.

"How did ye know that?" Brendan asked incredulously.

"I can tell, its okay I don't mind" Ray smiled sheepishly at him. "I just wondered what had gone on"

"It's a long story…" Brendan murmured.

"I've got time" Ray said quietly, smiling with encouragement.

Brendan took a deep breath and told him everything.

XXX

Later that day, Brendan took Ray back to the club to show him around. Coming up the stairs, Brendan noticed Warren was there. He was talking to Stephen, his face close to his ear. Stephen looked determinedly resistant, and annoyed. Striding forwards, Brendan came towards them, putting on his best menacing look.

"Alright, lads?" He asked easily, smacking his lips together with his gum.

"Hello, Brady. Nice of you to join us" Warren said smugly. "I was just having a private word with Ste here, if you don't mind"

"I do as a matter of fact" Brendan said, stepping between them to obscure Stephen from view. "Anything ye want to say to him ye can say to me, Foxy"

Warren laughed, looking at Brendan incredulously. "Oh yeah? I thought you two were finished?"

Brendan didn't allow any emotion to betray him on his face. "That's irrelevant" he said bluntly. "Now back off" he growled.

Warren laughed even harder. "You do make me laugh"

"Fancy sharing the joke?" Ray asked pleasantly from behind. Warren turned to face him, his expression darkening. "I'm Ray, nice to meet you" Ray held out a hand but Warren didn't shake it. He was studying his face carefully.

"Do I know you?" He asked, looking utterly confused.

"Nope but if you'd like to, I'm game" Ray smirked, raising his eyebrows suggestively. "How about you, Brendan?" He winked at Brendan who looked back at him in horror.

"Ray…"

"It's okay, clearly Warren enjoys chatting up young men, like Ste here, even if they aren't interested" Ray smiled but there was an edge to his voice.

"What are you, his keeper?" Warren sneered, clearly rattled.

"I could only be so lucky" Ray smiled. "But no, Ste is clearly his own man, and I think he wants you to fuck off, if you don't mind"

Warren looked at Ray, speechless.

"Bye now" Ray said, giving a mock wave. Warren glared at them and stalked towards the office, slamming the door shut.

"Nice one" Brendan told Ray, turning to look at Stephen. "Ye okay?" he reached out a hand but Stephen shook him off.

"I appreciate it but I can fight my own battles, thank you" he said coldly, walking off towards the cellar.

"Oh dear" Ray said, looking apologetic. "I think we over-stepped the mark there"

Brendan nodded, looking after Stephen.

"Go after him" Ray told him. "I'll be alright here, could do with a drink" he grinned to show that he was okay, giving Brendan a little push. "Go on"

Brendan walked down the stairs to the cellar. Stephen was lifting some crates; Brendan noted that his arms had bulked up a lot in his absence. He hadn't noticed before; they had been somewhat wrapped up in the moment to notice much else.

"Stephen" he said coaxingly. Stephen kept his back to him. "Will ye talk to me?"

Stephen turned around, his expression hard. "It's been a bad day, Brendan. I'm not really in the mood"

"For what? I just want to talk"

Stephen sighed and put the crates he was holding back onto the floor. "You don't know what it's been like working with him. He's always on at me, for one thing or another. He keeps pestering me to do work for him; you know what he's like. My friend Justin…" Stephen trailed off, shaking his head. "And I'm tempted, you know? Because times are hard, and the kids need new toys, and clothes. And our buggy is rusting and we need a new one and I can't even afford to buy one"

Brendan stepped a little closer while Stephen talked. Soon enough he was close enough to rest his hand on his waist.

"If ye need money, Stephen…"

"I'm not a charity case" Stephen grumbled. "It doesn't feel right, taking anything from you"

"Why not? Ye are m-" Brendan cut off, shaking his head at what he had been about to say. "Look if ye won't take it from me; at least accept some more shifts?"

Stephen looked as though he was considering this. "But you've given Ray a job…"

"There's always hours, Stephen" Brendan said. "Jacqui's gone and Rhys has another job, we need all the staff we can get"

Stephen nodded slowly. "I'm sorry for snapping, it's just, you know, I need to feel like I'm a man, like I can handle things myself. You should understand that"

"I do" Brendan said softly. "And something Ray has taught me is that to be a man means sometimes needing to ask for help, even if ye are too proud to"

"Ray's a smart guy" Stephen said, laughing a little and rubbing at his cheeks, which were wet from his earlier outburst.

"Come here" Brendan said, holding his arms out to Stephen. Stephen hesitated. "It's okay; we can at least have this, can't we?"

Stephen nodded and became enveloped in Brendan's arms. Brendan held him close, closing his eyes and inhaling the scent of him. It always felt good to hold him like this, especially when they were cocooned in their own little world down here in the cellar. It was where things had started, and where they would always continue.

"Ready to go back up?" Brendan asked him, still holding him with one arm.

Stephen nodded, turning back to look at the crates. "You know, I'm kind of glad Ray's around. He can lift these now" Stephen chuckled, making Brendan smile.

"He's got killer arms" he agreed, pulling away from Stephen to lift the crates himself. "Not as good as mine, mind"

Stephen looked at him, smirking. "You sure about that? He's pretty buff"

Brendan gave him a look. "Don't go there, Stephen. Ye know that I'm hotter than him"

Stephen laughed, following Brendan back up the stairs. "If you wanna believe that, sure"

"I do not like this conversation" Brendan said, coming up to the bar.

"What conversation?" Ray asked mildly, sipping on his cider.

"Which of you two is hotter" Stephen said, grinning.

"Oh yeah? Now there's a question" Ray winked at Stephen.

"If you like 'em hairy, and Irish, Brendan's the one to go for" Stephen said.

"Oh, naturally" Ray agreed. "But I'm taller and stronger"

"That's irrelevant" Brendan grumbled.

"Aw, Bren its okay, you and Ray are just…different" Stephen grinned wider.

"I think he needs you to admit he's better" Ray whispered to Stephen.

Stephen nodded in understanding. "He knows he is, in my eyes. He just likes to hear me say it"

"It wouldn't hurt every once and a while" Brendan mumbled.

Stephen laughed. "Okay, you are gorgeous, happy?"

Brendan looked up, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "How gorgeous?"

"Don't push it" Stephen said, still smiling.

"I think I'm going to like it here" Ray announced, leaning back. Brendan and Stephen looked at him and smiled. For once it wasn't awkward, and they could all get on. Brendan only hoped that it would last.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

That night, Ray's first night staying at Brendan's, Brendan couldn't sleep. They had departed to separate rooms at the close of the evening and Brendan had felt somewhat strange at doing so. Whenever Ray had been nearby at night before, they had often slept in bed together. Even though Brendan didn't really know where they stood right now, he still missed the comfort and warmth Ray brought to him when they lay asleep together.

By the time it became late, and dark, Brendan found himself rising from the bed and padding silently to Ray's room. He didn't know what force was bringing him there but it was too powerful to resist, and Brendan certainly didn't want to. He opened the door as quietly as possible and peered around the corner. Ray had his eyes closed, the lashes dark against his face. He looked beautiful to Brendan. His very own ray of sunshine.

The moment Brendan stepped further into the room, Ray's eyes fluttered open. He was half-asleep but opened his palm to call Brendan towards him. His smile was sleepy, and content and Brendan found himself grinning stupidly back at him, grateful that it was so dark. He crawled into Ray's bed beside him into Ray's open arms, who wrapped himself around Brendan's frame, warming him inside and out, making him feel anything was possible within this strong man's arms, and that he would always feel safe.

"What's brought this on?" Ray whispered, his lips in Brendan's hair.

"I felt weird in my bed, alone" Brendan whispered back.

"Yeah?" Ray asked softly. "Anything bothering you?"

"A few things" Brendan admitted, laying his head across Ray's chest.

"Tell me" Ray murmured, his eyes closing.

"But ye are tired" Brendan noted. "This is yer first night in a real bed for months" Brendan started to shuffle away but Ray held him tighter.

"Don't be soft. I'll be fine; I'll stay up for you"

"Ray…"

"Talk to me" Ray said sternly, opening his eyes fully to look at Brendan. "Tell me something irrelevant"

"Irrelevant?" Brendan asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, something from your past, irrelevant to your current situation"

"Alright…" Brendan thought about it. "When I was eleven, my Da took me down the beach, just me and him"

"Yeah?" Ray coaxed gently.

"We walked along the pier, played arcade games together, he bought me an ice cream, chocolate" Brendan raised his eyebrows appreciatively. "It was one of the best days of my life" Brendan said wistfully.

Ray smiled, holding Brendan closer. "Did you and your Dad get many days like that?"

Brendan frowned. "No. Not really. Ma was very…demanding. It's no wonder Da strayed" Brendan paused for a moment. "The night he left, he sung to me" Brendan smiled to himself. "He made the song up himself, it wasn't great but to me it was perfect" Brendan shook his head to clear it. "Sorry, ye don't want to hear this"

"Of course I do" Ray said quietly. "Right before my parents died, my Dad took me to a football match. He bought me a scarf to wear, because it was cold, and a woolly hat. I looked a right idiot" Ray chuckled to himself. "But it was brilliant, nothing else like it. And we travelled back for hours, and I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again I was home, tucked up in bed, my Dad was just shutting the door…but before he did he smiled at me, and gave me a wink. My brothers had complained that they didn't get to go, but Dad said they were too young, and he had to take his big boy first but he'd take them when they were older, and we'd all go together" Ray paused, his voice straining. "We never did get to"

Brendan tried to read Ray's face in the darkness but it was difficult. He did what words couldn't say, and clasped Ray to his body tightly.

"I'm sorry, Ray" he mumbled.

"It's okay" Ray said gruffly, holding Brendan back just as tightly. "I didn't mean to talk about me…"

"No, I'm glad ye did. I like it when ye do, I feel like I barely know ye sometimes"

"There's a reason for that" Ray said, pulling away from Brendan to look into his face. "I need to be the strong one, for you. I need to protect you, help you. Otherwise it all falls apart"

"Ye don't have to do anything, I'm a big boy, I can look after myself"

"Can you?" Ray asked with a slight smile. "I just want to look after you, everyone really"

"I'd noticed" Brendan said, laughing softly.

"But sometimes I just want someone to look after me" Ray admitted with a defeating laugh. "Is that bad? It makes me feel selfish"

"It's definitely not selfish" Brendan said, stroking along Ray's arm. "Ye are the least selfish person I know, truly"

"Thank you, means a lot" Ray said, shifting onto his back with Brendan in the crook of his arm. "I really like Ste, you know" he said suddenly, thoughtfully.

"Stephen" Brendan corrected him.

"Oh, Brendan you never stop"

"Ye love it"

"I do" Ray laughed. "Does Ste though?"

"Who knows" Brendan sighed, looking at the ceiling. "Sometimes I think I should just let him go, ye know. He could find a nice lad, or whatever, have a proper relationship"

"And he can't have that with you?"

"I can't offer him much" Brendan admitted.

"Maybe you're enough"

"I'm not" Brendan sighed.

"You are for me" Ray said. Brendan looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You know I love Donny, but with you it's a little different. I don't need everything, I'm happy to have you however I can. That's not to say Ste doesn't as well" Ray added thoughtfully. "But I imagine you've given him more reason to want to stay away"

"I have" Brendan murmured. "If ye knew the things I'd done…"

"I get it" Ray said, turning his head to look at Brendan. "You have to accept it and move on from it, as hard as it is. And once you do that, you and Ste need to have a talk about it"

"I don't think anything I say will ever make up for it"

"You're right. But still, you owe him that much at least"

"Cheryl says pretty much the same" Brendan said thoughtfully.

"She's a smart girl, your sister" Ray smiled; he took Brendan's hand in his own and brought it to his lips to kiss. "I know you're pretty uncertain of a lot of things right now, but just know that I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"I know, thanks, Ray. Ye are too good to me"

"Yup" Ray agreed, grinning. "I'm sorry to say my eyes are drooping…"

"I'll go back to my own room" Brendan said, starting to rise from the bed. Ray wrapped his arms around his stomach to pull him back down again.

"Stay. For tonight"

Brendan looked into Ray's face and bent down to kiss his lips softly. "Okay" he agreed quietly, lying back down.

The two men lay side by side for a while, only their fingertips touching. Brendan found it difficult to close his eyes; something was nagging at the corner of his mind. He had to say it, otherwise he may scream.

"Ray, I have to tell ye something. Ye know that I love Stephen, and that he's the first man I've ever loved. But I love ye too, and I needed ye to know that" Brendan looked to the side at Ray, who was fast asleep already.

"And ye are asleep. But I knew that, otherwise I couldn't have said it" he whispered to himself. "Baby steps" he murmured before closing his eyes, and slowly drifting off to sleep.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Brendan awoke the next morning to a soft tapping on the bedroom door. Glancing at Ray, who was still sound asleep, Brendan slipped quietly out of bed and opened the door a crack, peering through.

"Chez?" He whispered. Cheryl was stood there in her nightie, her arms crossed and her expression very disapproving.

"Can I speak to you?" She asked crossly, quietly. Brendan nodded and slipped out of the room, closing the door silently shut. Cheryl motioned for him to walk downstairs after her, which Brendan did so, feeling tense.

Cheryl sat down at the kitchen table, motioning for Brendan to do the same. Brendan's eyes kept flickering to her face, noticing that her stern expression didn't waver. The room was silent for several moments, driving Brendan to near insanity.

"What is it?" He finally asked, sighing in relief that the ice had been broken.

"Why were you in Ray's bedroom?" Cheryl asked, her eyebrows raised.

Brendan coughed uncomfortably. "Sleeping" he murmured.

Cheryl's eyebrows rose higher. "Really?" She asked sceptically.

"Ye, really" Brendan said, finally looking Cheryl in the eye. "We talked, we slept. That's it"

"If you're being like this because you're in denial…" Cheryl began.

"I'm really not" Brendan said seriously, running a hand over his face. "Trust me, Sis"

Cheryl looked as though she were considering it. Eventually her face relaxed.

"I believe you. I don't have a problem with you and Ray… well, you know" Cheryl blushed a little. "But I just want to know where you're at and what's happening with Ste"

Brendan gazed to the side intently. "We're not anywhere really" he mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Cheryl asked, resting her chin on her hand.

"A few weeks back…something happened" Brendan coughed again. "And that was it. We carried on as normal, then Ray got out and I don't know what's happening there either" Brendan looked to the ceiling. "I was barely ready for one man let alone two…"

Cheryl reached across the table to take Brendan's hand. "It's okay, it isn't an easy choice to make" She said reassuringly.

"I'm not sure there is a choice" Brendan admitted. "Stephen's staying away, and Ray and me aren't exactly serious… he has someone else"

Cheryl frowned deeply. "Someone else?"

"Yeah, an ex-boyfriend. Been together eight years"

Cheryl's mouth fell open comically. "Jeez, Bren. What are you lot playing at, hm?"

"I honestly don't know" Brendan put his head in his hands.

"Do you love them? Both of them?" Cheryl asked. Brendan looked up. He said nothing. Cheryl nodded, it was written all over his face. "You're in quite a mess then, big brother"

"What do ye suggest I do?"

Cheryl leaned back in her chair, looking thoughtful. She didn't say anything for some time.

"Sis?" Brendan prompted.

Cheryl looked at him, her face apologetic. "I don't know, Bren. A part of me thinks that you and Ste should be together, because you loved him first, and first loves you never forget" She paused a minute. "But on the other hand, I've seen how Ray looks at you, and with him it would be a fresh start and there's no bad history there. But then there's this other guy of his…"

Brendan looked at her incredulously. "That wasn't exactly helpful, Chez"

Cheryl started to laugh. "I'm sorry, it really wasn't was it? I guess just take things slow, see what happens"

Brendan groaned in frustration, burying his face in his hands.

"Something wrong?" A voice asked from the stairs. Brendan looked up to see Ray standing there. He leapt out of his seat quickly, making Cheryl hide a smirk with her hand.

"Yer awake" Brendan said.

Ray looked at him in amusement. "Nothing gets past you, Brendan" He walked into the kitchen. "What are we chatting about then?" Ray smiled at Cheryl, who smiled back much too widely for Brendan's liking.

"Nothing, nothing" she said airily, rising from her seat. "I'll cook you boys something…"

"Don't be silly, I'm a guest here, I should pull my weight" Ray insisted, pushing Cheryl back down gently. "I'll make us all a fry up"

"Ye don't have to…" Brendan began.

"But I will" Ray said, his eyes twinkling. "I'll pay my way too, as long as my boss isn't tight"

Cheryl let slip an almighty snigger. She slapped her hand across her mouth, her face reddening.

Ray looked at her in amusement. "I meant wages…"

Cheryl nodded, recovering herself. "Sorry, I know. Weird morning" Brendan shot her a warning look when Ray's back was turned.

"Where do you keep your pans?" Ray asked, turning to look at Brendan.

"Oh don't ask him, he can't cook" Cheryl said breezily, standing to help Ray locate the necessary pans and cutlery.

"Not strictly true" Brendan murmured quietly to himself, once again ignored. Cheryl settled back down opposite him. Her phone began to buzz beside her. She glanced happily at the screen but then her face fell a little. She rearranged her features to look at Brendan but he had already noticed the look.

"Is it Stephen?" he asked, his voice low.

"Yes" Cheryl said, standing up to answer. "Hey, love. What's up?" Cheryl walked out of earshot, making Brendan strain his ears in his attempts to hear the conversation.

Brendan kept looking at Cheryl's turned back, unable to hear anything. He suddenly felt a breath close to his ear, making him jump.

"Nosy" Ray whispered, smirking to himself when Brendan wheeled around to face him.

"Ye scared the life out of me"

"Heaven forbid" Ray teased, looking over at Cheryl. "Her and Ste are pretty close then?"

"Ye" Brendan answered distractingly.

"Is that a good thing?" Ray pressed, moving to put some sausages in the frying pan.

"I guess…" Brendan said, looking up at Ray. "She likes ye as well though"

Ray turned around to smile. "I'm glad, gotta get to know the in-laws" he laughed at the look on Brendan's face. "Kidding"

Brendan relaxed a little, still somewhat on edge. Ray stared at him, a puzzling look on his face.

"What's the matter?" He asked curiously.

Brendan looked at him. "Nothing"

"Don't bullshit, something's up" Ray insisted, sitting down beside Brendan while the sausages sizzled in the pan. "Tell me" he said, his eyes round and trusting.

Brendan sighed and turned to face him. "Cheryl came to see me outside yer room"

Ray didn't look remotely surprised. "I know"

"Ye what? Ye know?" Brendan said, momentarily distracted.

"Yeah, I felt you leave the bed; I heard your voices by the door"

"Why didn't ye say anything?"

"It sounded private" Ray answered, shrugging.

"She was just wondering what was going on between us"

"And what did you tell her?"

Brendan paused. "Neither of us knew what to make of things, to be honest"

"That makes three of us"

"Four. If ye count Stephen"

"Which we must" Ray agreed.

Cheryl came back to the table. "That was Ste; he's having a few problems. He can't make it into work today"

Brendan looked up in surprise. "Is he okay? What's the matter?"

Cheryl looked uncomfortable. "I think its private…"

Brendan looked back down at the table. "Alright" he said evenly.

"Don't be upset with me, Bren. He asked me not to say anything"

Brendan looked straight ahead. "It's fine" Ray looked between them awkwardly.

"Breakfast's nearly ready, sit down, Cheryl"

Cheryl did so, still looking at Brendan. "You really want to know?"

"Ye promised not to say"

"But it's you"

"And I'm not sure Stephen will want me knowing his private business"

"Of course he would!" Cheryl rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I don't know why he was so funny about it anyway. Poor little Lucas is unwell, and Amy's away with Leah and he's just a little freaked out"

"Right" Brendan said bowing his head. "Poor little mite"

"I know; he didn't say what was wrong but he sounded pretty panicked"

Brendan looked up with interest. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah" Cheryl said, unconvincingly. "He just called to tell me about work, that was all"

"He didn't ask for help?"

"Does he ever?" Cheryl countered.

Brendan sighed and looked up at Ray who had been listening to their conversation with interest.

"Perhaps you ought to go help him" Ray suggested pleasantly. Cheryl smiled at him.

"I don't think he'll want my help" Brendan murmured.

"Why not?" Ray asked, placing Brendan's breakfast in front of him and then doing the same for Cheryl.

"We're supposed to be getting a bit of distance, aren't we?"

"So? He needs help, he's on his own. If you don't go I will" Ray said challengingly.

Brendan looked at him, biting off half of his sausage. "Fine. I'll go in a sec"

"Good" Ray nodded, satisfied. "You know you were going to anyway"

"Then why did ye threaten to go yerself?"

"Thought you needed a little push" Ray smiled innocently, pushing the whole of his sausage into his mouth, earning a look from Brendan. Ray merely shrugged.

XXX

Brendan paced outside Stephen's front door, biting at his nails. This was definitely awkward. He hadn't been here for some time and the majority of the time he had come for a different reason. He hesitated, knocked, and waited for Stephen to answer. He didn't. Brendan knocked again, harder this time. He heard something fall over, and the distinct sounds of a child whimpering.

Rolling his eyes, Brendan reached into his pocket and took out his key. Stephen had always wondered how he could get in whenever he pleased and the truth was that Brendan had had a key made a long time ago.

Letting himself in, Brendan stepped out into the hallway, peering around the corner into the living room. Stephen was holding Lucas, who looked incredibly red and was crying, with a bowl of food spread across the floor.

"Need some help?" Brendan asked quietly. Stephen wheeled round, his eyes wide.

"Brendan! How did you get in here?" Stephen asked accusingly.

Brendan shrugged, moving to pick up the fallen bowl. "Not important. Why didn't ye call me?"

"I called Cheryl" Stephen grumbled, putting Lucas back on the sofa. "What are you doing here?"

"Ye clearly need some help"

"I'm fine" Stephen said, grabbing the bowl out of Brendan's hands to take it to the sink.

"Why so surly?" Brendan asked.

Stephen turned back to look at him. "I'm just a bit stressed. I swear every time Amy leaves something disastrous happens"

Brendan nodded, looking over at Lucas who was still grizzling. "He looks a little red"

"I know, I've been trying to cool him down but nothing seems to be working" Stephen said, walking towards Lucas with a wet cloth. Lucas struggled away from him, crying harder.

"Let me see" Brendan said and without waiting for an answer he bent down to examine Lucas. He placed his hand gently over his forehead, feeling his temperature. "Stephen, he's burning up. Ye need to take him to hospital"

Stephen bowed his head. "I feared as much"

"Why didn't ye take him sooner?" Brendan asked.

"I thought it was nothing, that he'd be okay in a bit. He's only really flared up in the last half hour"

"It's not yer fault. It's not easy having to take yer kids to hospital, especially by yerself"

"It's a terrifying prospect" Stephen agreed.

"I'll drive ye" Brendan offered, standing up.

"You don't have a car" Stephen said, his brow furrowed.

"I borrowed one to pick Ray up; I've still got it for a few more days"

Stephen nodded, bundling up Lucas. "We'd best go now then"

Brendan lead the way to the door, standing aside so Stephen and Lucas could exit first.

"Thanks for this" Stephen muttered quietly as Brendan closed the door.

"No problem" Brendan said, gently taking Stephen's elbow as they hurried back to the village.

XXX

Ray walked into the club, glancing around at its emptiness. It was still early; Cheryl had popped out for a while and Brendan was still helping Stephen out. He had texted him earlier to tell him Lucas needed to go to hospital and that he would be back later. Ray sighed, taking a seat at the bar. It was nice to have a bit of peace; some time in his own company. It didn't happen very often in prison and Ray had missed the silence.

He took the opportunity to let his guard down. It was exhausting sometimes being so positive and cheerful. Not that it wasn't genuine, but sometimes Ray needed a moment to allow things to set in. And often when he did so, some of his darker thoughts would surface.

It was very peculiar, being in Brendan's village like this, meeting those closest to him. Ray found himself settling in nicely into Brendan's life and yet something was still nagging at his thoughts. He liked Stephen a lot, he seemed like a lovely young man; someone Ray found himself wanting to look out for. He was gorgeous as well; he could certainly see the appeal to Brendan. Ray didn't do jealousy. He would be lying if he said he didn't find the whole situation very disconcerting but he was willing to make the effort to make things appear normal for Brendan's sake. He did love him after all and he wanted him to be happy.

Still, he knew somewhere down the line a choice would be made. He didn't know which of them would be making this choice but it would inevitably come. Ray wasn't sure he was prepared for it. Now that he was out and properly in Brendan's life, he found himself falling harder for the man. Seeing him with his sister and with Stephen made Ray acknowledge the kindness that was in Brendan's heart even if it often remained locked and untouchable. Ray wanted to be a part of that inner circle; he wanted to touch Brendan in the same way.

Sighing, Ray decided that he might as well go for a walk rather than stay in here all day. Before he had reached the stairs however he heard the office door open. He wasn't as alone as he had thought.

"Hello. Ray is it?" Warren asked, moving towards him.

Ray turned around, smile firmly in place. "Warren Fox" Ray said pleasantly. "Nice to see you again"

"Is it?" Warren asked, frowning.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Ray asked, aware that Warren was gradually moving closer to him.

"I don't know what your game is…" Warren said through his teeth.

"I don't have a game" Ray said calmly.

"I know you" Warren accused, now directly in front of Ray.

"Well, yes. We met yesterday" Ray said, cocking his head to the side.

"No we didn't" Warren said darkly.

Ray's eyebrows rose. "Oh? Have I missed an earlier meeting then?"

"Don't play dumb. You know where we met but the question is, does Brendan know?"

Ray grinned at Warren. "Are you threatening me?"

Warren put his hands up defensively. "Course not. But it'd be a shame to tell Brady that you've been lying to him"

"I haven't lied" Ray said, his hands laced behind his back.

"Am I going mad then or did we not meet several months ago?"

"I'd have thought you'd remember this face"

"Is that you admitting it?"

"I'm just making a comment on your question, that's all" Ray smiled. "Is that all? Can I go now?"

Warren nodded, his lips firmly pressed together. Ray turned to leave but Warren had one final remark to make.

"You must love him, if you're sticking around. What happened to your other fella, Donny was it?"

Ray composed himself, his hands tightening at his sides. "Nice try, Warren. See you around" He walked away without looking back.


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

It was a long wait in the emergency room. Stephen sat with Lucas on his lap, twitching impatiently, glancing at the clock every few minutes.

"Stephen, ye are making me tense, stop it" Brendan eventually said, leaning back to look at the ceiling.

"You don't have to stay, I keep telling you"

"Don't be soft, I'm staying"

"Alright" Stephen said, going back to tapping his foot in annoyance. "It's been ages though!"

"These things take time" Brendan commented, lacing his fingers together.

Stephen attempted to relax himself. He glanced over at Brendan a few times, his mouth opening and closing several times.

"Spit it out, Stephen" Brendan said, sighing.

"Well, while we're alone, maybe we can talk?" Stephen asked, looking intently at Brendan.

Brendan turned his head to face him. "Right now?" He asked incredulously.

"Well yeah, not heavy like but still"

Brendan wore his best defeated expression. "What do ye wanna know?"

"When you said you love me…" Stephen began quietly.

Brendan looked anywhere but at Stephen's face.

"Yes" he answered tightly.

"What made you say it?"

Brendan's eyes flickered to Stephen's face. "It just…came out I guess"

"Ironic" Stephen muttered under his breath, hiding a smile.

Brendan gave him a look.

"Sorry" Stephen murmured. "Continue"

"It wasn't the first time I said it" Brendan said quietly.

Stephen's face scrunched up in confusion. "Who?"

"Ray"

Stephen's face fell. "Ray? Right. Okay. I get it" Stephen looked away, fiddling with his thumbs.

"I don't mean! No, I meant I told him I…well, loved ye"

Stephen looked up hopefully. "I thought you meant…oh. Sorry" Stephen flushed. "But I don't understand; if you love me, why can't we be together?"

"It's complicated…" Brendan said evasively.

"Because of Ray?"

"No. Well, sort of. But not just that. I can't give ye what ye need, Stephen. Ye know that"

"I'm not asking for much" Stephen protested. "I just want us to be together, happy"

"And I don't know if I can offer ye that"

Stephen looked at his hands, a small, humourless smile on his face. "If you want to be with Ray instead of me, just say so" he said quietly.

"It's not that, I promise ye" Brendan said sternly, placing his hand on Stephen's shoulder. "Look at me" Stephen remained immobile. "Stephen, look at me"

Stephen looked up reluctantly; their gazes locked. "I just need time, that's all"

"I don't know if I can wait forever, its killing me, seeing you everyday and not being able to touch you, or be with you"

Brendan looked at him sadly, his mouth turned downward. "What are ye saying?" he asked with obvious effort.

Stephen looked at him, his expression grave. "I'm saying I need to move on, at least for now"

"With who?" Brendan asked angrily. Stephen shot him a warning look so Brendan lowered his voice. "Have ye met someone?"

"Not exactly. But that guy I told you about, he's called me a few times. He seems to like me a lot"

"I don't want to hear this"

"I'm sorry" Stephen said, and he looked like he really meant it.

Brendan was speechless for some time. Thankfully he was saved from saying anything more by the nurse who came along to say she could see Lucas now. Stephen glanced at Brendan warily, before rising to walk towards the room. Brendan sat there, unable to move. Stephen looked back at him once more, his face a mixture of sadness and regret, and walked into the room.

Brendan didn't move for some time. His phone buzzed in his pocket, forcing him to walk out of the emergency room. He went outside to answer, suddenly feeling the urge to have a large whiskey.

"Hello?" He answered his phone gruffly.

"Brendan. You okay? How's it going?" Ray asked.

"Oh just peachy" Brendan said sarcastically.

"What's the matter?" Ray asked, concern evident in his voice.

"I'll tell ye later, now's not the time"

"Well okay. I'll be home to meet you then, alright?"

"Great, thanks" Brendan hung up and then took a moment to lean against the wall. He couldn't leave yet; he had to take Stephen and Lucas home. He tried to digest everything Stephen had said to him, tried to be angry about it; forced himself to understand.

But the fact was he did understand. And no amount of anger was going to change the fact that Stephen was right. It wasn't fair on him to make him wait while something was still happening with Ray and when Brendan was nowhere near able to give Stephen what he really wanted; a relationship. And if someone else could… The very thought made Brendan's guts twist uncomfortably.

Launching himself off of the wall, Brendan took a deep breath and walked back inside. He would deal with this later.

XXX

It had been a somewhat awkward car journey home. Thankfully all Lucas had was a high fever and Stephen's relief was almost contagious. Brendan felt a lot more composed than he did earlier but perhaps that was because neither of them was saying anything. When they eventually parked up, Stephen took Lucas out of the car and held him to his chest, looking at Brendan expectantly.

"I'm glad he's alright" Brendan said hoarsely.

Stephen nodded, looking down with a small smile at Lucas. "Thank you for coming with us, means a lot"

"Anytime" Brendan said airily, waving his hand.

"And about what I said…" Stephen began awkwardly.

"I get it. It's fine" Brendan said gruffly.

"You sure?"

"Ye, I won't do what I want to do, which is chase after ye and go pay yer new friend a little visit. I'm trying to change, Stephen"

"I know that, and I'm thankful" Stephen said quietly. He looked into Brendan's face, hesitated, and then leaned forwards, kissing Brendan softly on the mouth.

Lucas smiled between them, reaching out to Brendan. Brendan gave him a cheery little wave, not feeling particularly cheerful at all.

"See you around, Bren" Stephen said quietly, stepping away.

"Ye… see ye" Brendan said distractedly. It was hard not to watch him walk away. Brendan wanted to tell himself to get a grip but he couldn't. Once he had opened the emotions within him, it was exceedingly difficult to contain them.

He walked home morosely after that, stopping outside his door to take a moment. He let himself in, Ray and Cheryl were sitting on the sofa together, giggling about something. Their faces fell when they saw Brendan.

"Bren? What's wrong?" Cheryl asked, standing up to put her hand on his arm. "Is Lucas okay?"

"He's fine" Brendan said, throwing himself into an armchair.

"Are _you_ okay?" Ray asked, looking intently at Brendan's face.

Brendan looked at him, his expression guarded. "I don't want to talk about it"

"I'll put the kettle on" Cheryl said carefully, leaving the room.

Ray immediately moved to sit on the edge of the armchair. He placed his hand on Brendan's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

"What happened?" He asked quietly.

"Stephen… he said… well he said he couldn't wait anymore. He's found someone else" Brendan's voice didn't sound anything like his own. Ray winced and tightened his grip on Brendan's shoulder.

"I'm sorry" he simply said.

"Are ye?"

"How can you ask me that? Of course I am" Ray said, looking fully into his face.

Brendan regretted his words. "I'm sorry, my heads not in the right place…"

"We're out of milk; I'll just pop to the shops!" Cheryl called from the kitchen. Ray waved her off and then turned to look at Brendan once more.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Nothing. It's what he wants, I can't stop him"

Ray nodded. "I think that's wise. He may change his mind…"

Brendan shrugged. "I've put him through too much, I don't blame him"

"We all deserve a second chance" Ray said seriously. "Are you going to be alright?"

Brendan looked into Ray's face, full of kindness and worry. He missed Ray; missed how it felt with him. The stubble rubbing against his face, his strong arms gripping him tightly. Most of all he missed the feel of Ray all over him; inside of him.

"Ray…" Brendan croaked, leaning forwards and kissing him.

Ray pulled away after only a few seconds. "No, Brendan. I won't be your rebound"

"Ye aren't!" Brendan protested. "How can ye think that?"

"You need time to accept this. This isn't what you need right now" Ray said sternly.

"But I miss ye" Brendan said honestly.

"I know, and I miss you too. But right now this isn't right"

Brendan bowed his head. "I'm sorry" he muttered. "Bad timing"

"Just a bit" Ray smiled to show that he was okay. "Oh, come here you" he said softly, moving to sit beside Brendan on the armchair and wrapping his arms around him. "You'll be okay, everything will be okay"

And there in Ray's strong arms, Brendan believed that it would be.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

A few weeks passed by. It was awkward at first, being around Stephen, but Brendan eventually adapted. Now and again Stephen would give him a small smile, and Brendan would return it with a nod. Ray stayed in the background of it all, his usual carefree self. But something was bothering Brendan about Ray's behaviour. Some of his smiles seemed forced when he was at the club and his demeanour towards Warren was most unusual.

Brendan tried several times to distinguish what the tension between them was. At first he thought it was sexual and he was momentarily horrified and angry at the prospect of it. But then he noticed the looks Ray gave to Warren; full of loathing and disgust. Brendan had never seen Ray look that way at anyone and he wasn't sure that he liked it.

Ray had always been a pillar of support; a strength for Brendan to rely on. But he was beginning to wonder if it was all getting to be too much for Ray; being in his village, around the people Brendan was closest to. He couldn't help thinking that Ray was struggling more than he was letting on. He was always so self-sacrificing that it frustrated Brendan at the same time that it made him love and appreciate him more.

Sitting one evening at the bar, nursing a whiskey, a little worse for wear, Brendan allowed his thoughts to run away from him. He was beginning to wonder if he had done something wrong; Ray was becoming more and more distant. Ever since Brendan had tried to kiss him several weeks ago, things had changed. Ray tried to hide it; tried to be his normal self to Brendan but there was something in his eyes that made Brendan incredibly nervous; as though something bad was approaching.

Sighing and taking another swig of his whiskey, Brendan looked up when someone coughed directly in front of him.

"Bren?" Stephen asked curiously. "You alright?"

Brendan glanced away from Stephen, feeling that this was the last thing he needed right now. It was difficult enough trying to stay away from Stephen without Ray becoming awkward and unattainable as well. Brendan felt adrift, and alone. Cheryl tried to talk to him but even she was confused. Brendan hated the idea that he was losing control of everything even though he was trying so hard to not be like that anymore. But without Ray's guidance and Stephen's warm presence, how else was Brendan supposed to cope?

"Bren?" Stephen asked again, sitting beside him.

"Sorry" Brendan said gruffly, looking up at Stephen. "What's the matter?"

"I was just about to ask you that" Stephen said, prying Brendan's fingers away from his whiskey glass. "I think you've had enough"

"Ye don't get to tell me that anymore, Stephen"

"I never did in the first place, you never listen" Stephen argued, successfully moving the whiskey away from Brendan. "Let me take you home"

Brendan laughed, baring his teeth. "I thought ye weren't interested anymore, Stephen"

"Not like that" Stephen murmured, flushing. "You're drunk"

"Like anyone cares" Brendan muttered, his hands splayed across his face.

"_I _care" Stephen insisted, placing his hand on Brendan's arm. Brendan shook him off.

"Ye don't care! Ye have forgotten me already for… what's-his-name"

"David"

"Right. Whatever" Brendan waved his hand.

"Has someone upset you?" Stephen pressed, leaning closer to Brendan. "Is it Ray?"

"No" Brendan said entirely unconvincingly.

"He hasn't been himself" Stephen admitted thoughtfully. "Did you two fall out or something?"

Brendan, in his hazy state, clung to the fact that he wasn't the only one thinking something was wrong with Ray. "Ye noticed it too? I'm not going crazy?" He looked into Stephen's face earnestly. "Don't lie to me, Stephen"

"I'm not" Stephen said clearly.

Brendan nodded, absentmindedly patting Stephen's arm. "Right, course not"

"Bren, let me take you home" Stephen asked, offering his hand for Brendan to take.

"Fine" Brendan grunted, taking Stephen's hand and gingerly getting to his feet.

Brendan staggered a little; how many had he had? Stephen wrapped an arm around his waist, making Brendan wrap an arm around his shoulder.

"Jeez, you're heavy" Stephen said, grunting with effort.

"No, ye are just too small"

"Don't you like your men small anymore?"

"I never did, Stephen" Brendan said soberly. Stephen laughed dryly at the joke.

"Funny. Come on, help me out here"

"I'm trying! My legs feel like jelly"

Stephen rolled his eyes, attempting to drag Brendan along with him.

"Why did you get drunk instead of just talking to Ray?"

"Who says this is about him?" Brendan countered.

"It's glaringly obvious" Stephen said. "Unless it's about me, which you know, I'm not bigheaded so I won't suggest it…"

"Ye know its both of yis. Ye have both abandoned me"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Stephen said, frustrated.

"I'm sorry" Brendan said, not quite sincerely.

"Where was Ray tonight?" Stephen asked, frowning.

"No fucking clue. He's not answering his phone"

"He must be busy or something"

Brendan barked out a laugh. "Doing what?"

"Well I don't know" Stephen said. "Look, we're almost there, just relax"

"Okay" Brendan said, relaxing far too much and slipping onto the floor, dragging Stephen along with him.

"Brendan!" Stephen shouted, trapped beneath Brendan's body. "Gerroff me!" Stephen pushed at him, forcing Brendan to sit on the ground.

"I didn't mean to do that"

"No, I didn't think so" Stephen grumbled, brushing the dirt off of his coat. "My arse is killing me, your fault"

Brendan shrugged. "Not like I haven't-"

"Brendan!"

"Okay, sorry. Help me up"

Stephen struggled to his feet, holding out a hand for Brendan to take. Brendan took it and hoisted himself up, using the wall as his main support.

"May I?" He asked, gesturing to his and Stephen's entwined hands.

Stephen sighed but nodded, allowing Brendan to continue holding his hand as they walked. It was dark and hardly anyone was around. Brendan was too drunk to care anyway.

"This new bloke of yers" Brendan said suddenly. "Are ye serious?"

"We've only been on a few dates" Stephen said. "So no, not really"

"What's it like?" Brendan began, squinting at Stephen. "Dating men?"

Stephen smiled a little. "It's… nice" he finished lamely. "A good change from being seduced by my boss and smothered by my ex-boyfriend" Stephen glanced at Brendan, his eyelashes long and pale.

"I don't know what's worse" Brendan murmured, rubbing his thumb over Stephen's hand. "I miss ye" he blurted out, making Stephen look at him.

"I miss you too" Stephen said quietly. "But there's too much unresolved between us"

"I know" Brendan said tiredly, his drunken state decreasing slightly. "But with ye and Ray both going AWOL, I don't know what to do with myself"

"Maybe you should start considering what _you _really want" Stephen suggested.

"And how do I work that one out?" Brendan asked, half-serious.

"That's not for me to tell you" Stephen said, stopping. "We're here"

Brendan looked up at the stairs. "Ye coming up?"

Stephen shook his head. "I'd best not. I'll watch to make sure you get up them alright though"

"Too kind" Brendan said sarcastically. He looked at Stephen, attempting to focus properly on his face. He leaned towards him, resting his forehead against his. "Thanks" he whispered, as sincerely as he could when he was drunk.

Stephen nodded, closing his eyes. "See you around" he murmured, resting his hand on Brendan's cheek before pulling away.

Brendan looked at him, waving his fingers in what could only be a farewell gesture. He tottered up the steps, aware that Stephen was still watching him. When he reached the top, he turned around and Stephen was gone. Heaving a deep sigh, Brendan took his keys out of his pocket and let himself in. He wasn't quite prepared for the sight he saw.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Ray had Warren by the shoulders while Warren's hands were on Ray's chest. The two of them turned to the door when they heard Brendan enter and Ray immediately let go of Warren.

"Brendan!" Ray said, rushing towards him. "I can explain" he said hastily.

Brendan looked at Ray in distaste, his lip curling. "What are ye doing?" He snarled.

"Don't be like that, shh" Ray said, attempting to soothe Brendan. Brendan shuffled away from him.

Warren was laughing throughout their exchange. "Maybe I should leave you two lovebirds alone"

"Maybe you should" Ray practically growled, turning his head to glare at Warren, still holding onto Brendan.

Warren moved to the door, looking Ray and Brendan up and down. "Have fun" he said, smirking. Ray's eyes remained fixed on Brendan as Warren left.

Brendan moved away from Ray once more, crossing his arms over his chest. "Go on then, explain"

Ray shuffled awkwardly on his feet. "It's a long story…" Ray said.

"Are ye fucking? Is that it?" Brendan asked bitingly.

"No! Of course not" Ray grabbed Brendan's arms. "Just listen to me. Me and Warren we…"

"Ye what?" Brendan had almost sobered up completely now.

"We have history"

Brendan was stunned; he took several steps back until he found the edge of the armchair where he sat, feeling numb.

"Ye lied to me" he said, his voice low and hoarse. His chest felt tight.

"I didn't mean to" Ray said, lowering himself onto the floor to kneel by Brendan's chair. "When I met you, I had no idea you even knew Warren Fox"

"But I mentioned him, and ye could have told me ye knew him personally but ye didn't… why?" Brendan stared at the floor blankly.

"You told me he was your business partner. I didn't want things to get messy for you. I'd already agreed to work for you before I knew about him"

Brendan shook his head in disbelief. "Ye could have said when ye came here; ye have had plenty of opportunities"

"I know, and I'm so sorry" Ray's face was drawn; Brendan had never seen him look so anguished.

"Just tell me why" Brendan said quietly, his fingers locked together.

Ray bowed his head. "I didn't want to drag you into my past"

"But how can ye not?" Brendan asked, looking at Ray's face. "Ye can't say ye love me and then not tell me anything about yerself"

"But I have! And I've already told you about how I know Warren, technically"

"What?" Brendan asked, feeling more confused than ever.

Ray grabbed Brendan's hands in his own. "I told you why I went to prison, for stealing off of those guys who beat Donny up"

"Yeah…" Brendan agreed doubtfully. "But what has that got to do with-"

"Think about it" Ray said, gripping Brendan's hands tighter. "Roughly six months ago, did you even know Warren really?"

"Well no-"

"So you don't know what else he was up to prior to his part in Chez Chez?"

"I don't exactly ask-"

"Exactly" Ray said seriously.

"Are ye trying to tell me Warren was involved in Donny getting beaten up? That he was part of the group of men who had a seemingly legitimate business who ye ended up stealing from? Is that what ye are saying?"

Ray took a deep breath. "Yes"

Brendan laughed, shaking his head. "This is insane"

"It's the truth" Ray said earnestly, searching Brendan's face. "Do you believe me?"

Brendan looked down into Ray's brown eyes, reading the sincerity there mixed in with the longing and fear of Brendan's reaction.

"I believe ye" Brendan finally said. Ray's shoulders relaxed in relief. "But I don't forgive ye" Brendan said plainly, moving off of the armchair to walk towards his bedroom. He heard Ray following him.

Brendan sat down on his bed, removing his shirt and pulling down his trousers to change into his pyjama bottoms. Ray stood in the doorway, not saying a word. His eyes lingered to Brendan's chest and Brendan found his own body betraying him with his urge to be physically close to Ray.

"Come here" he said gruffly. Ray stepped a little closer. "I need to ask ye something, and I need ye to be completely honest with me"

Ray nodded, sitting beside Brendan on the bed. "Ask away" he said quietly.

Brendan took a deep breath. "Did ye only agree to come here to get at Warren?"

There was silence for several moments. Unable to stomach it much longer, Brendan looked up at Ray's face. He was shocked to see anger there.

"How the hell can you ask me that?" Ray said, jumping off of the bed and whirling round to face Brendan.

"How can I not?" Brendan argued, also rising from the bed. "Ye come here, conveniently yer very worst enemy lives here, and ye expect me to believe ye didn't plan it?"

"You're a piece of work" Ray said, shaking his head.

"Am I? I'm not the one who lied!" Brendan roared, his hands shaking in anger.

"It was wrong! I know it was! But I told you why I kept it from you; you shouldn't have to get involved in my petty problems"

"But I want to! Ye get involved in mine!"

"And I don't know why!" Ray shouted. "Except that I can't help myself, no matter how hurtful it is seeing you be in love with someone else"

"That's not fair" Brendan said quietly.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't, I'm just saying it hurts"

"Well I wouldn't have guessed" Brendan murmured.

"If you want to say something, spit it out" Ray said bluntly.

"Ye aren't exactly easy to read! Ye are one of the most relaxed, kindest people I know and yet if I try to dig a little deeper, ye close up"

"That's bullshit" Ray murmured. "You can't accuse me of that when you're practically a closed book"

"I've opened up to ye more than I have anyone" Brendan protested, his eyes stinging.

"But _why" _Ray said, his expression both devastated and furious.

"Because I'm in love with ye!" Brendan stormed. He pressed his lips together firmly.

"You're in love with me?" Ray asked incredulously. "You're saying this to me now, when we're shouting at each other like this?"

"I don't know any other way to express myself!" Brendan raged, his whole body wracked with shakes. "I can't deal with this; I can barely accept loving one man, let alone two…"

"You have to accept it" Ray said sternly, stepping closer. "I can't carry you forever"

"I didn't ask ye to!"

"But I want to! Because I love you too!" Ray shouted.

Brendan surprised even himself. He stepped forwards, grabbed Ray roughly by his shirt and crushed his lips against his own. Ray pushed against him, practically throwing him onto the bed. All that passed between them were lips, teeth and tongues. Brendan ripped open Ray's shirt in his haste to get at his skin, licking and biting the flesh there.

Ray ran his hands across Brendan's chest, over his heart. He stopped for a moment, allowing himself to feel the heartbeat beneath his fingertips. He looked down at Brendan, his eyes softer than before and his kisses more gentle.

It didn't take long to build the two of them into such a frenzy that they ended up sitting on top of each other, rocking gently as Ray found himself inside Brendan once more. Ray's fingernails trailed down Brendan's back, not marking the flesh but merely needing to feel Brendan's physical response beneath him.

Brendan buried his face in Ray's neck, kissing up to his jaw line and meeting his lips once more. They kissed for the remainder of the time, not even breaking contact when they both climaxed; the remnants of their activity lying between them as evidence of their desperation and need for each other.

Brendan breathed heavily, collapsing back onto the bed, allowing Ray to bundle him up in his arms tightly as though reluctant to ever let him go. He kissed Brendan's sweaty forehead, murmuring that his cards were all out on the table now, no more secrets. Brendan found himself believing him without a moment's hesitation. To feel that connected to someone, as he did to Ray, it would be impossible not to.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

The next morning, Brendan awoke in his own bed, Ray's body draped across his own protectively. He turned over carefully, now facing him. Ray's body reacted instinctively as he pulled Brendan more tightly to his body. Brendan smiled to himself before placing the tip of his finger gently onto Ray's eyebrow, trailing it along the hair softly. Ray's nose twitched a little but he didn't wake up. Brendan allowed his fingers to then move over Ray's closed eyelids before coming to rest on his lips. Ray smirked then, kissing Brendan's fingers lightly before opening his eyes.

"Morning" he said sleepily.

"Good morning" Brendan replied, flashing his teeth. "Good sleep?"

"The best in a long time" Ray admitted, stretching himself out. "You?"

Brendan shrugged. "Kept the dreams away that's for sure"

Ray looked at him in puzzlement for a moment before smiling easily, deciding not to ask.

"I wonder what time it is?" Ray pondered, shifting his body up slightly to locate Brendan's watch on the bedside table.

Brendan rubbed at his eyes and smoothed down his moustache; it was always unruly in the morning. "Well?" He asked, closing his eyes once more.

"It's only nine" Ray said, settling back down. "I'm doing the afternoon shift, right?"

"Right" Brendan said vaguely.

"And you?"

"Me what?"

Ray sighed, turning on his side to face Brendan. "Where's your head this morning? What time are you in?"

"Oh" Brendan said, trying to think. "I'm not, actually"

"So who's in charge?"

"W-" Brendan froze, comprehension dawning on his face. "Oh, forget what I said. I'll come in"

"Brendan-"

"I got it wrong. I'm in later; I need to make a phone call…" Brendan attempted to rise from the bed but Ray pulled him back down.

"Brendan, its fine" Ray said gently.

Brendan looked at him firmly before sighing and allowing himself to be held once more.

"Ye don't have to work with him anymore, I can sort it"

"And make it look like I'm hiding from him? No chance"

"Ye don't have to put on a front with me; I know working with him can't be easy for ye after what he did to Donny and ye"

Ray's eyes fluttered closed for a moment. "I have to deal with it head on; otherwise I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if I'd done it differently would I feel any better about what happened"

Ray's words made Brendan's stomach twist uncomfortably with thoughts of Stephen, and how different things could have been if he had been able to deal with things sooner and more appropriately. Brendan shook his head; it was pointless dwelling on things he couldn't change; he had to look to the future now. He turned back to Ray.

"I can make ye feel better" Brendan said with a rising smirk.

"Oh yeah?" Ray countered, starting to smile.

Brendan laid his hand over his chest, pushing himself up to kiss Ray softly; gradually building it into a more passionate kiss.

Ray positioned himself on top of Brendan and curled his fingers around his chest hair as they continued kissing. Brendan gripped Ray's arms, his fingers unable to reach each other around the thickness of the muscle. He gave a contented little sigh at the thought of it and then frowned; wondering when such thoughts had started to affect him.

One of Ray's hands roamed down Brendan's body, resting to cup against him. They were still undressed from the night before, which sped things along a little. Brendan pushed against Ray's hand, willing him to move it. Ray chuckled into Brendan's mouth nipping his bottom lip with his teeth. Brendan grunted and pushed against Ray's lean body but Ray merely pushed him back down effortlessly with one hand, his eyes sparkling with amusement. Brendan glowered at him until Ray claimed his lips once more, driving all restraint out of Brendan's willing body.

Ray kissed along his neck, moving his hand to prepare Brendan's entry while his other hand stroked Brendan's matted hair; his fingers curling around its strands as they had done to his chest hair. Brendan felt Ray push against him and slowly work his way inside of him. Brendan bit down on Ray's shoulder, not painfully so; he would never hurt him. Ray groaned at the contact and slowly began to thrust; stroking Brendan's face and chest as he did so, locking him with his eyes, daring him to look away but of course Brendan didn't.

It was a lot more slow and languorous than the nights before had been. It was almost a reaffirmation of what had occurred in the previous night; it could have been said that it was a mere play of passion; a desperation that broke free from its restraints. But that wasn't the case. Brendan wanted Ray; wanted him with every bone in his body and he was beginning to learn that knowing that, and acting on it, wasn't as wrong as he had once supposed.

Letting out a stifled moan, Brendan felt himself stiffen and climax, Ray following him moments later. Ray rested on top of him, brushing the air away from his face and smiling down at him. It was almost disconcerting, seeing a man look at him in that way. Desire was easier to deal with; Brendan had a natural arrogance which allowed him to accept the idea that men or women could be attracted to him. Love was a whole other ball game.

It wasn't the same way Stephen looked at him. In the early days when it was more passion than affection, Brendan would notice how Stephen would look at him expectantly; eyes wide, lips parted, prepared to give Brendan what he wanted, and Brendan thrived on the thought that Stephen wanted it too. Wanted _him. _When things had progressed, Stephen's looks had changed. At first there had been fear mixed in with the desire but as Stephen grew more confident and resilient, Brendan noted the defiance in his gaze; the astuteness with which he demanded respect from Brendan.

Brendan spent most of his adult life hiding his feelings from people; except his sons. But Stephen had often looked at him, his face full and open, his eyes unblinking, the love direct and indisputable on his face. It made Brendan both terrified and thrilled at the same time. And now here was Ray, looking at him in his own way. Not as openly as Stephen but Brendan knew that was because Ray fully understood his own feelings, and embraced them whereas a lot of the time Stephen had found himself almost equally as confused as Brendan was.

"Brendan?" Ray asked, his head tilted to the side. "Something wrong?"

Brendan shook his head. "Course not, come here" Brendan wrapped his arms around Ray's neck and brought him down for a kiss.

It was never going to get any easier; loving two men.

XXX

Brendan walked Ray to work that afternoon. They didn't touch but now and again Ray would brush his hand over the small of Brendan's back as though telling him he wanted to be close to him and yet he understood to keep his distance in public. He hoped that one day he would get over this aversion but right now his hands stayed firmly in his pockets.

Coming to the entrance to the club, Brendan spotted Stephen loitering outside. He wasn't alone. Brendan cocked his head to the side, inspecting his _friend. _He was fairly tall, light-haired, freckly. He was Stephen's own age; that much was clear. There was nothing particularly special about him; Brendan found himself silently judging him for his scuffed trainers and the hoodie wrapped around his waist. He strode forwards purposefully in his pointed, black shoes and dark suit. He heard Ray suppressing a laugh from beside him.

"Stephen" he said evenly, his eyes flickering everywhere. He stood up straighter, marking his authority.

"Brendan" Stephen said, nodding. He wore an easy smile on his face. His friend had been making a joke of some kind. "This is Dave" he said, looking warningly at Brendan. "Dave, this is Brendan and Ray"

Ray strode forwards to shake hands with David and slipped Stephen a small wink. Brendan merely stood there, looking disapproving.

"I thought ye said his name was David"

Dave laughed, clapping Brendan on the shoulder. "You can call me that if you like, mate. I prefer Dave though"

"That is irrelevant, David" Brendan said coldly, glaring at David's hand on his arm. David slowly withdrew it.

"Brendan" Ray muttered warningly. Stephen looked embarrassed, but not at all surprised.

"Let's go, yeah?" He addressed David.

"Where are ye going?" Brendan asked, cocking his head questionably to the side.

"My shift's finished…" Stephen said slowly as though speaking to a small child.

Brendan glanced at his watch. "Ye have half hour left"

"Well Warren said I could go early"

"Oh did he now?" Brendan said, balancing on the balls of his feet. "Well I didn't say ye could leave early, did I, Stephen?"

Stephen glared at Brendan, looking apologetically at David. "Don't be like this, alright?" he said through gritted teeth.

"Like what?" Brendan motioned with his hands. "I'm just curious why my staff are clocking out early, that's all"

"I told you why, can I go now?" Stephen said, crossing his arms.

Brendan surveyed him for several moments, debating on what would be an appropriate excuse to keep him for longer.

"Of course you can, Ste" Ray piped up suddenly, ushering the two of them away. "Have a nice time; we'll see you later, yeah?" Ray's eyes widened as though warning Stephen to get away quickly.

"Thanks, Ray" Stephen muttered, grabbing David's arm and pulling him away. He shot a look at Brendan before he went.

When they had gone, Brendan rounded on Ray. "What are ye playing at?"

"You're being an arse" Ray told him plainly, walking up the steps. Brendan hurried after him.

"Excuse me? What are ye saying?"

Ray turned around to face him at the top of the stairs. "You're so blatant it's actually quite amusing" Ray turned around again but Brendan grabbed his arm.

"I'm sorry, alright?" Brendan looked at him in genuine apology. "After last night I should be, well…focusing on-"

"Us?" Ray asked, his face softening. He stepped in front of Brendan, placing his hands on his shoulders. "It's okay; I'm not asking you for anything. I get that you still love Ste and don't want to see him with anyone else. If it was Donny I'd be exactly the same" Ray continued walking towards the club but Brendan still wasn't satisfied.

"But what did last night mean exactly?" He questioned as they stepped into the club.

Ray turned his head and laughed. "You are too cute"

"That's not an answer" Brendan accused, disgruntled.

"Maybe I don't have one" Ray countered, walking towards the staff room. Brendan followed, of course.

"Ye but what is this? What are we doing?"

Ray smirked and lifted his shirt over his head. "I didn't think you were the type to need reassurance, Brendan"

"I'm not" Brendan said gruffly, admiring the view. "But I think I need something certain in my life"

Ray pulled on his Chez Chez shirt and looked at Brendan, his lips curling into a smile. "Okay. The way I see it is, we're both free agents. Donny's…" Ray's face fell for a moment. "He's um, absent I guess. Not speaking to me actually" Ray mumbled. He coughed before continuing. "And Ste's moving on with someone new"

Brendan looked away at that.

"But we have each other, right?" Ray strode forwards, wrapping his arms around Brendan's waist. "We don't have to label it but I'm here, for as long as you want me" Ray smirked, smoothing his hand against Brendan's waist.

"Don't put this on me. We're both in this, and of course I…want ye" Brendan ducked his head a little, feeling far too vulnerable.

"Good. I'm glad that's settled" Ray said, kissing the side of Brendan's head before zipping up his hoodie. "I'll be home later, yeah? Get us a takeaway or something" Ray flashed Brendan a smile before placing his hand on the door knob.

"I'm not some stay at home husband ye know" Brendan said distastefully. Ray laughed, shaking his head from side to side.

"Yes, dear"


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Brendan rushed around the house, preparing plates and cutlery. Ray was due back at any minute and Brendan had spent most of his time in the shower, preening himself. He had attempted to cook. Chicken, to be more precise. But it had all gone horribly wrong. The base was overcooked and the underneath was rough and thick. All in all the meal had been an absolute disaster.

Brendan heard a key in the door and tensed immediately. Ray came in, stripping himself out of his Chez Chez hoodie and hanging it neatly on the banister. He was quite a tidy house guest; Brendan tended to throw his clothes everywhere. In a strange way his bedroom was the one place he could lose that control he always had to posses in life. Now that Ray had moved into his bedroom for the time being however, Brendan noticed a definitive change in how tidy his room was. Cheryl called it a miracle. She often told Ray to stay forever, but Brendan doubted it had anything remotely to do with himself.

Ray looked up and noticed Brendan, smiling. His nose wrinkled slightly, acknowledging the burning smell loitering in the living room.

He looked at Brendan in amused astonishment. "Please tell me you haven't been cooking!" He shook his head, laughing quietly to himself.

Brendan crossed his arms. "So what if I have?"

"Brendan! Cheryl already told me you can't cook"

"Well she's no Delia herself" Brendan muttered, throwing his oven glove on the floor. "If ye don't want it!"

Ray tried to suppress his laughter but failed miserably. "Oh, Brendan. I love how you try"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Ye try and do something nice and what thanks do ye get…"

Ray strode forwards and wrapped his arms around Brendan's waist. "I appreciate it. I'm sorry" he looked at him in earnest. "Let's have our dinner then"

Brendan shook his head. "No, it's shit. I've ordered take out"

Ray laughed incredulously. "You could have said! What was the strop for?"

"Ye know I like teasing ye" Brendan smirked.

Ray rolled his eyes, pressing his body against Brendan's. "You are a nightmare, you know that?"

"I've been told on occasion" Brendan said airily, smirking.

"And yet you never quit" Ray said dryly.

"Why should I? Ye love me already, don't ye?"

"Yeah, well, don't push it" Ray joked, flashing Brendan a grin. "So what did you order?"

"Curry, naturally" Brendan said, running his hand through Ray's curly hair.

"Mmm our favourite" Ray said, closing his eyes contentedly at the feel of Brendan's palm against his face.

Brendan leant in closer to Ray, their lips almost brushing. "Maybe after our dinner we can…" he began to whisper but they were interrupted by a knocking on the door. Brendan sighed and pulled away, moving to open the door. He scowled at the delivery man who looked a little alarmed. Brendan had that effect on people.

"Thanks" Ray said to the man, giving him the money and steering Brendan away. Brendan pulled the food to his chest and stalked to the kitchen, making Ray chuckle.

When the food was on their plates, Brendan nodded towards the sofa and Ray followed behind, a poppadom between his teeth. Brendan sat down and nipped a piece of the poppadom off before Ray could remove it from his mouth. Ray laughed, allowing it to drop onto his lap.

"What we watching then?" Ray asked, settling comfortably onto the sofa with the meal on his lap.

"Few films on" Brendan said, surveying the TV guide.

"You pick" Ray offered, starting to eat.

They ate and watched television in companionable silence for a while. Placing their plates on the floor, Brendan glanced warily at Ray and coughed awkwardly, turning back to the television screen. Ray smiled to himself, moving closer to Brendan and putting his arm across the back of the sofa. Brendan's eyes darted to his arm and everywhere else in the room except Ray's face.

"Something wrong?" Ray asked.

"No" Brendan muttered, remaining still.

Ray sighed and moved right beside Brendan, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Why are you so tense, love?"

Brendan looked at the floor. "It's a bit odd all this" he gestured to the takeaway and the television.

Ray quirked an eyebrow. "I think it's safe to say you've done this before"

"Yeah, with family and…" Brendan hesitated. "Stephen. Kind of"

Ray frowned a little, apparently beginning to understand.

"It was never like this, like a…" Brendan struggled to form words.

"Relationship?" Ray supplied helpfully.

Brendan nodded shortly.

Ray contemplated this for a moment. "I said before we don't have to label this…"

"But this is so..." Brendan once again failed to find the right words.

"Couple-like?" Ray suggested. Brendan nodded. "Is that bad?"

"No, not exactly" Brendan said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Are you still uncomfortable with the idea of two men in a relationship?"

Brendan looked at Ray properly. He didn't look angry, just slightly disappointed.

"Thirty odd years of the same ideas, it's hard to change"

Ray looked down at his hands. "But you have changed, a great deal"

"I know" Brendan said seriously, placing his hands over Ray's. "Ye have done so much for me, I don't deserve ye"

"Silly talk" Ray said, shaking his head. He looked down, attempting to hide his face. Brendan gently placed his fingertips beneath his chin and tilted his head up. Tears were visible on Ray's lashes.

"Shit, Ray. Don't cry" Brendan said hastily. Ray smiled and moved out of Brendan's touch.

"I'm fine, it's nothing"

"Doesn't look like nothing" Brendan grunted. He pulled Ray somewhat roughly towards him for a tight embrace. Brendan didn't often hug other men but this was a rare exception. He loved Ray, he hated seeing him hurting. "I'm sorry" he murmured into the older man's hair. "Didn't mean to upset ye"

"You didn't, it's okay"

"Who else?" Brendan pulled away a little to hold Ray's face in his hands. "Warren?"

"No, Brendan. I just… this is all new to me too. No Donny and all. And you. And everything that's happened between us"

"Overwhelming" Brendan agreed.

Ray nodded. "And I never get overwhelmed!" He laughed a little. "You shouldn't see me like this, it isn't right"

"Don't be soft. We've all gotta cry sometime"

Ray grinned a little at Brendan; he seemed to have composed himself. "I do love you, you know"

"I know" Brendan said softly, moving forwards to close the gap between them with a kiss.

A while later, they lay together beneath the blanket from the sofa, Brendan curled around Ray's naked body, their forms joined as one. Brendan rested his head on Ray's chest, his eyes closed. He breathed in deeply, inhaling Ray's masculine scent. Brendan appreciated that most people had their own distinctive smell. He often found himself smelling a person's arrival before he saw them. Stephen in particular had a scent which was very distinguished to Brendan; most likely because he had spent a great deal of time in close proximity with him.

"Ray?" Brendan murmured.

"Hm?" Ray answered, sounding sleepy.

"Ye smell nice"

Ray chuckled lightly, kissing Brendan on the top of his head. "Adorable" he murmured, tightening his hold on Brendan's body.

"I'm thirsty" Brendan began. "But I don't wanna get up"

Ray laughed shortly, starting to shift his body. "Do we have anything decent?"

"Depends what ye mean by decent. We've got… uh, soft drinks"

"Doesn't quite take the edge off does it?"

"No… I could murder a whiskey right now"

"No change there then"

Brendan smirked, looking up into Ray's face. "I'll pop out; it's not that late…"

"You sure? I don't mind…"

"Nah it's okay. I promised Chez I'd get some milk earlier and she'll be pissed if she doesn't get her morning milky coffee"

"She is a force to be reckoned with in the morning" Ray agreed.

"Hence why I don't normally get up until noon" Brendan winked, slowly extricating himself from Ray and the sofa. "Ye want anything while I'm there?"

"Wouldn't mind some ciggies…" Ray said, his eyes shifting.

"Ray! Ye shouldn't be smoking"

"I know, I know. It's been so long though…" Ray sighed, looking forlornly at Brendan.

"Fine. But after this, no more"

"You have my word" Ray said solemnly, with an added wink.

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Won't be long"

Stepping out into the night, Brendan noted that the air was quite warm and the night pleasant. He made his way towards the village, Price Slice to be exact. It was only just gone eleven so it was still open for a little while longer.

Picking out a nice bottle of Jameson's, a packet of ten for Ray and some milk, Brendan paid for his items and vacated the shop. Across the road he saw a car pull up, nothing fancy but that wasn't what caught Brendan's eye. A dark blonde head emerged from the car and closed the door without looking back at the driver, who immediately drove off. Brendan frowned and strode forwards; the young man not noticing him until he was standing directly in front of him.

"Stephen" Brendan said, making Stephen start with surprise. "Sorry, did I scare ye?"

"Yes!" Stephen said, annoyed.

"I didn't mean to. Ye are in yer own little world"

"Well… yes, I suppose so" Stephen said vaguely. "What are you doing out here anyway? Thought it was your night off?"

"It is. Just popped to the shops" Brendan nodded at Price Slice. "And what are ye doing out here? Stepping out of strangers cars in a huff?"

"I wasn't-" Stephen pursed his lips. "Just leave it, yeah?" Stephen started to walk away but Brendan placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Why are ye running away from me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Stephen answered sharply but then winced at the look on Brendan's face which he hadn't quite disguised in time. "Sorry"

"It's fine. Look, just stop moving for a second and talk to me" Stephen had tried to walk away again but Brendan had followed him closely by his side, stopping him in his tracks.

"I'm not in the mood, Brendan" Stephen sighed, looking at him in exasperation.

"What's wrong?" Brendan asked suspiciously.

"Nothing"

"Don't lie to me, Stephen"

Stephen rolled his eyes. "I was in Dave's car"

"Ye didn't exactly look cosy"

"Well no. We had an argument"

"About?"

Stephen flushed. "I'm not talking about this"

"Why not?" Brendan asked, frowning.

"Let's just say it isn't going to work out" Stephen started to walk again but Brendan merely followed him.

"Can ye cut me some slack, Stephen? Please?"

Stephen stopped and faced Brendan once more.

"It was too soon" he said quietly. Brendan had to move closer to hear him properly.

"Too soon?" Brendan asked curiously.

"I said something… he got mad, the evening was ruined…" Stephen was blushing as he spoke. Brendan was frustrated that the sight of Stephen's pink cheeks made his cock twitch inside his trousers. It was almost as though it knew Stephen was near.

Brendan hesitantly placed his hand on Stephen's arm. "So it's over?"

"Not yet, but there's no way he'll want to see me again"

"Ye can do better"

"Oh can I?" Stephen said sarcastically. "Look, I'm not good company right now so I'm gonna head home"

"Alone?" Brendan questioned, glancing around. He felt a rising anxiety. "No, I'm walking ye home"

"I don't need a bodyguard…" Stephen grumbled.

"Don't ye?" Brendan said, having a thoughtful moment for threatening gangsters out to hurt Stephen. At least now they weren't together he was safe. Brendan felt assured that Ray could handle himself, having been in prison numerous times and involved in a fairly precarious lifestyle. Stephen however was still young and inexperienced. Brendan felt an unaccountable need to look after him, regardless of whether they were together or not.

"Fine" Stephen mumbled, leading the way.

They walked in silence for a while, their arms brushing now and again. It wasn't awkward; Brendan felt quite natural around Stephen. He had seen him at his worst and his best and was still willing to talk to him, surely that meant something?

"Are we okay, Stephen?" Brendan found himself saying quietly.

Stephen looked at him in surprise. "Of course, I know I've been a bit abrupt lately…"

"Can't say I don't deserve it" Brendan said, looking to the sky. "But if there's ever a problem, ye know ye can come to me anytime"

Stephen's expression softened. "I know, I appreciate that. Won't Ray get a bit annoyed though?" Stephen added awkwardly.

Brendan frowned a little. "No. No, he understands"

"He's a top bloke" Stephen agreed wistfully. "More suited to you, I'd say"

"Why do ye think that?" Brendan asked curiously.

"Well think about it; he's older and more experienced than you, he doesn't put up with your bullshit" Stephen smiled apologetically. "And well, he just gets you in a way I never could"

Stephen's tone sounded both impressed and a little sad.

"That's only because I never let ye in…" Brendan muttered.

"Maybe" Stephen agreed, looking ahead. "I'm glad you're happy though"

"That's big of ye to say" Brendan said truthfully. "Are you going to tell me what that argument with David was about then?"

Stephen smiled a little, stopping outside his flat. "Let's just say getting the right name is important"

Brendan stared at Stephen uncomprehendingly. Stephen laughed at his expression and then did something very unexpected. He leaned forwards and kissed Brendan lightly on the cheek, his smooth face an unfamiliar sensation against Brendan's stubbled one now. He pulled back, his face only a few inches from Brendan's. Brendan's expression was still somewhat puzzled but it shifted at the feeling of Stephen so close to him. He breathed in his scent, remembering his earlier thoughts on the subject. Stephen's eyes lingered on Brendan's lips but he then shook his head and stepped away, his cheeks once more flushed with embarrassment. That was what Brendan supposed it was a result of anyway.

"Night, Bren" Stephen said softly, letting himself in.

Brendan stood for several moments on his doorstep, too stunned to move.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

The next day, Brendan entered the club and immediately found his way to the office. He had given Ray the morning off; they had tired themselves out last night. When Brendan had returned with the items from the shop, Ray had asked what had taken him so long. Brendan had told him the truth; he could never lie to Ray. Ray had looked odd for a moment but had let it pass, allowing Brendan to curl around him once more on the sofa.

They had sat up most of the night, just talking. Ray told Brendan a few more things about his history. He had grown up in a fairly reasonable background; nice house, with a garden. Good family, fairly normal. But once his parents had died, everything had changed. The money they had left for their sons only went as far as covering the cost of the house and the funeral with only a small amount to spare. The three of them had lived with various relatives until Ray had gotten frustrated and decided to find them their own place when he was sixteen.

"Ye lived by yerself? With yer two brothers?" Brendan had asked incredulously, taking Ray's hand in his own.

"Yeah. It wasn't easy; I couldn't go to college obviously so I took up a job, two in fact"

"Ye seem to have struggled all of yer life" Brendan noted, looking at the floor.

"It was worth it though. For my brothers to feel loved, and safe. And the same for Donny"

"Who looks after you, Ray?" Brendan asked softly.

Ray laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "You do, right?" He looked at Brendan and their eyes locked. "We look after each other, don't we? Because no one else has"

Brendan smiled a little, his eyes closed. "Ye speak to my soul, ye know that?"

"That was oddly deep, even for you" Ray laughed, tightening his grip on Brendan's hand.

Brendan shook his head, reflecting on the memory. It had been a weird night. After their heart to heart they had made their way to Brendan's bedroom. It had been tender; it wasn't their first time that night after all. Brendan had felt connected to Ray in a way he hadn't before. He felt like he knew him; he felt as though they were almost the same; two men who had made mistakes and were trying to fix them. And yet, Stephen still lingered in the back of his thoughts as he lay afterwards with Ray in bed. That was the tragedy really. He and Ray had each other, irrevocably, and yet the both of them couldn't give themselves over fully to each other because there was always a lingering doubt that their first loves would return to them.

Brendan wished he could simply forget about Stephen, move on with his life, but he knew it was fruitless. Stephen was ingrained into his heart, irreversibly. He would always linger there, no matter how much time had passed. And Brendan knew it was the same for Ray, with Donny.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a knock at the door. Brendan glanced at the clock, wondering who it was this early.

"Come in" he said clearly, pretending to look busy.

Douglas peered around the doorframe. "Brendan? Hello" he said somewhat nervously.

Brendan instantly stood up. "Douglas, come in"

Douglas shut the door behind him and stood awkwardly in front of Brendan's desk. Brendan motioned for him to sit.

"What can I do for ye, Douglas?" Brendan asked pleasantly, his hands folded in front of him.

Douglas looked a bit awkward. "I was wondering if you had any jobs going…" he asked quietly. "Money's tight and I know I haven't got the best background-"

Brendan coughed, hiding a smile.

"-But I could really do with the chance to prove myself" Douglas took a deep breath. "So what do you say?"

Brendan observed Douglas for some time; eventually he released his fingers and stood up, moving to kneel in front of Douglas' chair.

"Ye really want this? I didn't think a day job was yer thing"

"Evening job, technically" Douglas corrected.

Brendan nodded and stood once more, walking towards the rota on the wall. "We haven't got many shifts; I had to give Stephen extra…"

"Yeah, he said" Douglas said, looking up into Brendan's face. Brendan didn't like the unwavering gaze he was fixing him with.

He coughed to hide his discomfort. "Well, I can move some things about, should be a couple of shifts available for ye"

"That'll do" Douglas said happily, rising from his seat. He hesitated as he walked past Brendan. "Have you spoken to Ste?"

"When?" Brendan answered, not looking at him.

"Since last night" Douglas replied.

Brendan nodded briefly. "Why?"

"It's nothing…" Douglas trailed off, stepping towards the door. Brendan grabbed his arm.

"Tell me" he fixed him with his most persuasive glare.

Douglas stood that little bit straighter; the kid had balls, that was for certain.

"I don't like that Dave guy" Douglas whispered. "He doesn't seem right"

Brendan raised his eyebrows. "And what makes ye say that?"

"He just seems a bit…dodgy" Douglas said vaguely.

"And we aren't?" Brendan asked ironically. Inside his heart was pounding hard.

"Not like us, he's more blatant…"

"Care to give me an example, Dougie?"

Douglas flushed, staring Brendan in the eye. "You know the type, boasting about the things he's done, how he's been inside…"

"That's nothing to boast about" Brendan said seriously.

"I know, I've been close enough times" Douglas agreed. "I just don't think he's right for Ste, that's all"

"Why are ye telling me this?" Brendan asked suspiciously.

"Because I know you. You'll sort it, like you do best"

"Will I now?" Brendan said but there was an edge to his voice. "What makes ye think he'll listen to me? He'll just think that…" Brendan trailed off.

"You have to try, or ask Ray to at least" Douglas said urgently. "He's so jittery; I don't think he's sleeping"

"Has this guy hurt him?" Brendan asked tightly. He knew he had no right to ask, but he couldn't help himself.

"Not as far as I know, but he's been through so much… I just want him to be happy" Douglas said sadly.

Brendan looked at Douglas pointedly for a moment but then shook his head, laughing at himself. "For a minute there…"

"What?" Douglas asked, frowning.

"Nothing" Brendan waved his hand at Douglas. "Leave it to me, I'll sort it"

"Thanks, Brendan. And for the job too, means a lot" Douglas smiled at him, a rare genuine smile. Brendan found himself smiling back; it was nice to have a friend who wasn't constantly on his case, accusing him of all sorts and judging him, as had been the case before prison.

"Take care, Douglas. See ye tomorrow morning for yer first shift, alright?"

"No problem" Douglas said jovially, stepping out of the office.

Brendan watched him leave and then sat back down at his desk, pondering.

XXX

Later that morning, Stephen arrived at work. He wasn't in a pleasant mood. He threw off his jacket angrily and in his unknown haste managed to get his t-shirt stuck above his head. Brendan smiled in bemusement, moving forwards to assist him in undressing. He smirked at Stephen when he saw him, his eyes drifting to his bare chest.

Now, this was dangerous territory.

Coughing and stepping away, Brendan allowed Stephen the space to get into his uniform. Stephen eyed him warily, a lot more careful in his movements.

"Something wrong, Stephen?" Brendan asked casually, crossing his arms.

"You know what" Stephen replied sulkily, zipping himself up.

"Any…developments?" Brendan asked carefully. Stephen looked at him somewhat suspiciously.

"Who have you been talking to?"

"No one" Brendan replied automatically.

"Really?" Stephen asked sceptically. He sighed. "It's Doug isn't it? I told him to butt out"

"He's worried about ye" Brendan said calmly. "And to be honest, so am I"

That gave Stephen pause. He stared uncomprehendingly at Brendan for several moments.

"Why?"

"Ye aren't yerself, anyone can see that"

"And who am I really?" Stephen asked in exasperation. "Because to be honest, I don't have a clue anymore"

"Why?" Brendan repeated, tilting his head to the side.

Stephen put his head in his hands. "Everything's just getting on top of me at the moment; I don't feel as though I have a second to think"

"Being a parent…it can take a lot out of ye" Brendan theorized, moving closer to Stephen.

"It's not just that. I love my kids, me but money's still tight and Amy's got her own problems" Stephen ruffled his hair. "And then there's Dave, who I thought was a really nice, normal guy and now look"

"Ye thought that about Noah too" Brendan pointed out unnecessarily.

"And you" Stephen said, laughing. "Actually no, I never thought you were normal considering the first time we spoke you punched me in the face"

Brendan blanched at the memory. "Right, course. Bit handy with my fists back then"

Stephen gave him a pointed look. "What's changed?"

"A lot of things" Brendan replied vaguely. "Ray's uh, shown me the light?"

"It's not just him" Stephen shook his head. "You don't give yourself enough credit"

Brendan shrugged. "Why should I?"

Stephen opened and closed his mouth several times as though at a loss to answer.

"Exactly" Brendan murmured, pacing around the room. "Now, listen. I can't have my staff distracted and unable to perform" Brendan coughed at the turn of phrase. "So take some time off, I insist"

"I can't afford to-" Stephen began but Brendan interrupted him.

"Ye never take holidays, Stephen. It's about time ye had a rest. Ray can cover ye shifts, and Douglas"

Stephen's eyes brightened. "You gave Doug the job?"

"Of course" Brendan said airily. "Now do ye accept? This is a once in a lifetime offer"

Stephen laughed and shrugged. "How can I say no to that? But if you need me-"

"We won't, we'll be fine" Brendan interrupted.

"I know but, if _you _need me" Stephen said awkwardly. "I'll be around"

"Likewise" Brendan said quietly. Stephen smiled and nodded briefly, turning to leave.

"One more thing, Stephen"

"Yeah?"

"Stay clear of Dave, okay?"

Stephen frowned a little. "Why does it matter?"

"Because he sounds like bad news, and I don't want ye seeing him" Brendan said bluntly.

Stephen opened his mouth to argue but the expression on his face told Brendan that he knew he was right.

"Okay, no problem"

"Good, good" Brendan said, nodding to himself.

XXX

Ray came by the club in the early afternoon. He approached Brendan casually and gave his arm a gentle squeeze in greeting. Brendan smiled at him, leading him into the office. Brendan sat behind his desk while Ray sat on the edge, his long legs touching the floor easily where many others had failed.

"Good morning?" He asked chirpily.

"Not bad" Brendan replied, leaning back in his chair. "You?"

Ray shrugged. "Did some cleaning about the house, Cheryl was a bit… um, enthusiastic about it" Ray chuckled and Brendan rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"My sister better not be stealing my man" He mumbled in annoyance.

"Your man am I now?" Ray asked with amusement. "I think I like that"

Brendan grinned wolfishly at him. "I have some good news for ye"

"Oh yeah?"

"Ye have a few more shifts; I gave Stephen some time off"

Ray nodded. "He definitely needed it. That was good of you" Ray said truthfully.

"Yeah well… I hired Douglas too, he needs the work"

Ray suddenly grinned. "The cute American? Oh I must meet him"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Of course, he'll be in tomorrow"

"Excellent" Ray said, crossing his ankles. "And Warren?"

Brendan's expression darkened. "I've done my best to make yer shifts coincide with mine instead of his"

Ray nodded. "Well naturally I want to work with you but you don't have to do that, I can handle myself"

"I know, I just don't want ye to be uncomfortable"

"That's sweet" Ray said, moving forwards to kiss Brendan softly on the lips. "And I love you for it but really, I'm fine" Ray smiled brightly to illustrate the truth of his words and Brendan found himself relaxing. "Now I was thinking, should we go out tonight?"

Brendan frowned slightly. "Where?"

Ray shrugged. "A meal or something? You know, I haven't been out properly since I got released"

"Can't have that" Brendan murmured, distracted.

"So?" Ray looked at Brendan expectantly.

"Sure" Brendan said uneasily.

Ray sighed and placed his hand on Brendan's arm. "It's okay, it's not as though we'll be snogging in the street or anything. I just plan to eat until I burst and drink until I'm merry"

"Ye are always merry"

"Merrier then" Ray said, clapping his hands together. "It'll be fun, Brendan. You know it" Ray winked.

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'm there"

"Brilliant" Ray grinned. "Say about eight?"

"Great" Brendan agreed. "Now get off my desk, I have work to do"

Ray slid off easily, running his hand lightly over Brendan's cheek. Brendan shivered a little at the touch, remembering those hands on him the night before.

"Until later then" Ray said, walking towards the door.

"Later" Brendan said gruffly.

Ray gave him a look. "Or now?" He suggested.

"Now" Brendan agreed, rushing to the door and locking it before throwing Ray against it, burying his face in his neck.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Brendan dressed himself in front of the mirror. He had opted for a black, open collar shirt and dark jeans. He smoothed a hand firstly over his dark hair and secondly over his moustache, flicking his small comb over the hair there. Feeling arms wrap around his waist, Brendan smiled at Ray in the mirror. Ray was wearing a long sleeved, maroon shirt with a dark tie. He looked very smart, and handsome. Ray's dress sense differed greatly from Brendan's; he was much more casual, and yet was effortlessly smart and sophisticated in anything he wore.

Brendan looked at the two of them in the mirror, entwined together. He frowned a little at the image. It still didn't seem right somehow; two grown men holding each other in this way. But then Ray kissed him beneath his earlobe sweetly and Brendan ignored his doubts.

"Ready to go?" Ray asked, stepping in front of Brendan for the view of the mirror.

Brendan gave him an affectionate shove, making Ray smirk at him and allow Brendan room to share the view.

"Yeah, taxi should be here soon"

"Great" Ray said, straightening his tie. "Where we going?"

"Town" Brendan said, stroking his own stubble. "I thought Italian?"

"Perfect" Ray grinned, his teeth memorising in their perfection.

"Did ye get yer teeth done?" Brendan asked, frowning and prodding at his own canines.

"You don't ask a bloke that" Ray said, grinning slyly at Brendan.

Brendan shrugged. "Just curious"

"Or jealous"

"I don't do jealous, Ray"

Ray snorted. "Course not"

"Are ye taking the piss?"

"Never" Ray said, smiling.

Brendan growled under his breath and grabbed Ray's waist, pulling him back against his body. "I'll wipe that smirk off yer face in a minute"

"Will you now? I think all you could do to me would only make me smile more" Ray replied easily, leaning his head back on Brendan's shoulder.

"Wanna bet?"

"I'll take my chances" Ray agreed, turning around in Brendan's grip and pushing him onto the bed. "Naughty Brendan, making us late for our own date"

Brendan shrugged. "What can I say? I'm irresistible, apparently"

"And insufferable" Ray added, climbing on top of Brendan. "But you'll do, I suppose"

"I am honoured" Brendan said, looking teasingly into Ray's brown eyes. "Ye gonna do anything or just sit on me?"

"Both" Ray said, moving to kiss Brendan, his hand at the zip of his jeans.

After making themselves thoroughly late to the point where the taxi was close to driving off, Brendan and Ray eventually bundled themselves inside, not quite as smart looking as before. Ray's tie was skewered and Brendan's hair was now a ruffled mess. He attempted to settle it but Ray took his hand and held it still.

"You look gorgeous like that" he whispered low into Brendan's ear, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

Brendan smiled and relaxed, staring out of the window instead as they drove past the club. Warren was in charge tonight; Brendan found himself thinking what a relief it was that he had given Stephen some time off. He didn't want Warren anywhere near Stephen; especially after all of the trouble he had given him while Brendan had been inside. He and Ray hadn't discussed Ray's history with Warren for some time now; it was a sore issue and Brendan didn't like to bother Ray with it.

When they arrived in town, Brendan insisted on paying for the taxi and they climbed out, shivering a little in the night air. They walked side by side, not quite touching. Ray kept glancing at Brendan but didn't say anything, just smiled contently. Ray's presence always calmed Brendan. He didn't know if that was just the way Ray was himself or whether it was Brendan's feelings for him.

With Stephen, there was an unbearable urge to be both close to him and to push him away. But with Ray he was content to relax, let himself go. Again, he couldn't explain why. Perhaps his love for Stephen was more irrepressible and his love for Ray more composed.

Ray placed his hand gently at Brendan's elbow, alerting him to the fact that they had arrived in front of the restaurant.

"Where was your head?" Ray asked softly, his head tilted enquiringly to the side.

"No where" Brendan replied gruffly, leading the way inside.

They sat at a table in the corner of the restaurant, for added privacy. Brendan ordered a soft drink for a change, wanting his head to be clear. Ray did the same, respectfully.

Brendan inclined his head at his choice. "I don't mind if ye want a drink"

"Nah, not in the mood" Ray said, leaning back in his chair and studying Brendan intently.

"What?" Brendan asked, feeling self-conscious.

Ray shook his head, smiling. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

"Fuck off" Brendan grunted, looking away.

"Aw and now you're blushing, lovely" Ray smirked, prodding Brendan's hand on the table. "Hey, look at me"

Brendan looked up at Ray, surprised to see the intensity with which Ray was looking at him.

"Thanks for doing this, it means a lot"

Brendan coughed uncomfortably and looked away. "It's nothing"

"I know it isn't easy for you, coming out in public like this"

"Coming out?" Brendan asked in alarm. He relaxed immediately when he realised what Ray meant. "Right, yeah. Well, with ye it's… um… okay"

"Not with Stephen?" Ray asked intently.

"It's different…" Brendan said vaguely.

"How?"

"I guess with you… ye know what it's like, being out for so long. I practically turned Stephen…" Brendan said, smiling a little.

"I don't think it quite works that way but okay" Ray said with amusement, urging Brendan to continue.

"So Stephen's as new to this, well… _coming out _as I am. So there's no one to really be the strong one, if ye get what I mean"

"I do" Ray said, nodding. "It's always good to have a guiding hand in these circumstances"

"Who was yers?" Brendan asked curiously.

Ray looked thoughtful. "My brother" he said with a small smile.

"Really?" Brendan asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, he always known about me… he's only 2 years younger than me" Ray stared off wistfully into space. "I remember I came home from school one day, I was twelve at the time. Some kids had been bullying me, no real reason except I think they knew somehow… and you know, didn't approve"

Brendan nodded solemnly.

"And Jeremy, my brother, just sat down with me, didn't say a word. Just wrapped an arm around me and let me cry and do you know what he said?" Ray smiled, his eyes shining.

"What?" Brendan asked, leaning forwards.

"They only do this to you because they don't understand. And they don't understand because they're scared. But you should feel sorry for them because you know exactly who you are, and that's what counts"

Brendan was speechless.

"I just wish I'd listened a bit more carefully back then" Ray said, sighing. "Because when I got a bit older, went out into the real world, I realised that some people would never accept me, and I let it anger me to such an extent that I took it out on the people around me that I love the most…does that sound familiar?"

Brendan bowed his head. "When I was a teenager…my best friend, Peter, you've seen him around, in the wheelchair…" Brendan looked at Ray, urging him to understand. "I messed up. I felt things I didn't understand, and Peter was shocked and I did something stupid and well, the end result is fairly obvious"

Ray said nothing, he simply allowed Brendan to talk.

"I'll never forgive myself for that. And in a way it set me back much further than I was. I retreated further into my shell after that, I couldn't stand the fact that what I was" Brendan shuddered with obvious distaste. "Was the cause of such heartache, and the loss of the best friend I ever had"

"These terrible things…they make us stronger" Ray said soberly. "When my parents died, I thought that was it. My life was finished. But you just have to pick yourself up again and carry on, no matter how difficult it may be because there are always people around you who need you to be strong, and as well as that you need to be strong for yourself otherwise you'll never make it through another day happy"

"But what if ye don't deserve to be happy? What if ye have done things that are simply unforgivable?" Brendan stared at Ray desperately.

"Not possible" Ray shook his head. "Not for you, I mean. Nothing you tell me about yourself could ever make me believe you don't deserve to be happy, nothing"

"I wouldn't be so certain…"

"Nothing" Ray said firmly. His expression was so certain that Brendan didn't dare argue with him. Brendan had a fleeting wonder if Ray somehow knew the worst thing he had ever done, Danny. But he couldn't possibly know that, there was no way. Brendan decided it was safer not to ask.

"This is pretty intense" Brendan said with a nervous laugh.

"I'm sorry; it wasn't really the point of tonight was it?" Ray asked, reaching under the table to clasp Brendan's hand. Brendan reached out at the same moment, allowing their fingers to interlace.

"What was the point?"

"To have a nice time together, to show you that we can, and no one cares if we do" Ray looked around them. The restaurant was mainly filled with other couples, oblivious to those around them except each other. Brendan realised that throughout their conversation he had been acting in exactly the same way.

"How do ye do it, Ray?"

"Do what?"

"Make me open up like that…" Brendan glanced down at the table, making Ray tilt his chin up with the fingers on his other hand.

"You just needed someone to listen" he said softly. "And I always will, no matter what might happen…" Ray looked saddened for a moment but attempted to compose himself before Brendan asked.

Brendan opened his mouth but closed it once more, unable to voice the question. A part of him knew the answer, anyway.

The evening lightened considerably after that. The two men shared a pizza; Ray laughing whenever Brendan got sauce stuck in his moustache, Brendan raising his eyebrows at Ray's appetite, almost as consuming as his own. When the evening drew to a close and they walked home in the dark, neither of them considering ordering a taxi, Brendan tensed his knuckles several times before clasping Ray's hand, not letting go. Ray smiled at him in the darkness, his brown eyes wise and unsurprised. Brendan had turned a corner tonight; he had learnt things invaluable to allowing him to change, to grow as a man. Brendan thought to himself that if he could be half the man Ray was, he would be… well, he would be okay.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

A few days passed by uneventfully. Brendan settled into work without Stephen's presence, but still felt an odd sense of loss. Ray and Douglas distracted him well enough, however. The first time Ray had met Douglas was intensely amusing.

Douglas walked up the stairs, head bowed, a small, curious smile on his face as though he couldn't quite believe he was employed. Brendan had spotted him instantly and sauntered over, making Douglas stop short on the stairs.

"Welcome, Douglas" Brendan said silkily, his hands in the pockets of his suit trousers. Douglas was supposed to have started working a few days ago but Warren had insisted on an interview and getting all of the paperwork in order. Brendan had become exasperated at the tediousness of it all.

"Morning, Mr Brady" Douglas said politely.

Brendan grinned widely. "Mr Brady? I like that. Hm, very nice"

"Call him Brendan, he doesn't need his ego over-inflated more than it already is" A dry voice piped up from beside him.

Brendan raised his eyebrows at Ray. "I don't hear ye complaining"

"I find it rather endearing, actually"

"Of course ye do" Brendan said easily, turning once more to face Douglas who was looking at them in bewilderment. "There's a uniform for ye in the office, feel free to change in there"

Douglas was about to move past the two men when Ray held out his arm.

"One second, you haven't introduced us" Ray smirked at Brendan, his eyebrows raised in a suggestive manner. Brendan gave him a hard look.

"Douglas, this is Ray. Ray this is Douglas. Are we done now?"

"No, don't be rude" Ray chastised, moving to stand slightly in front of Brendan so he could address Douglas directly. "Nice to meet you, Doug" Ray shook Douglas' hand a little too eagerly. Brendan jerked his arm subtly out of the way.

"Um, you too" Douglas muttered awkwardly. "It'll be nice working with you"

Ray smiled brightly at Douglas and then at Brendan, who scowled.

"And you. I've heard only good things about you" Ray informed him.

"Really?" Douglas asked in some surprise. He glanced at Brendan somewhat suspiciously.

Brendan coughed. "Well ye know I'm all heart, aren't I?"

Ray sniggered noticeably, prompting Brendan to elbow him in the side.

"Its okay, Doug. You go get changed. I've had my um, curiosity satisfied" Ray grinned, Douglas smiling back sheepishly.

"Thanks" he said softly, brushing past the two men. Ray turned to watch him leave, smirking at Brendan. "Nice lad"

"Shut up" Brendan murmured.

When he had said it was an amusing introduction, he meant for Ray.

XXX

It turned out that Douglas was a good worker. He was meticulous, polite and hardworking. Brendan watched him carefully throughout the day to make sure he was coping alright. He didn't know Doug that well but he felt a strange protectiveness over him.

Ray seemed quite fond of him as well. After initially teasing Brendan about their complicated relationship, he admitted that the lad had a spark, something different about him. Brendan had told Ray all of his history with Douglas, and to begin with Ray had thought that something less professional had passed between them but Brendan had insisted it hadn't. Granted, if he hadn't been so dedicated to pursuing Stephen at the time, he may have attempted it, truth be told. Whether Douglas would have been interested however was another matter entirely.

While Brendan was pondering this, Douglas walked towards him, coughing quietly to gain his attention.

"Was there anything else you wanted me to do?"

Brendan considered this. He looked Douglas over; he was very slight, perhaps he should send Ray down to the cellar instead. Then again, Stephen had coped himself well enough. Lingering thoughts of Stephen and himself in the cellar almost distracted Brendan once more but he shook his head to clear such thoughts.

"Just serve for now, Dougie. I'll call ye if I need anything else"

Douglas nodded and moved away back to the bar.

Ray moved to stand behind Brendan, his fingers lingering at his waist. Brendan inclined his head to smile at him.

"Alright?" He asked softly.

Ray nodded; he looked like he wanted to say something.

"What is it?" Brendan asked, turning around to face him. Their bodies were pressed quite closely together but not obviously so. The club was fairly quiet anyway. Brendan noticed Douglas glance over at them before looking away quickly when he noticed Brendan's eyes on him.

"My brother called" Ray said quietly. "He wants me to go visit"

Brendan felt his stomach drop. "Oh" he said lamely. "Well, that's alright"

"Yeah" Ray nodded, uncertainly. "It's only a few days but, well, I'll miss you"

Ray's expression was soft, his lips relaxed and puckered expectantly. Brendan glanced around them and, satisfied, leaned forward to plant his lips gently against Ray's. Ray stroked the back of his neck when he pulled away, resting his forehead against Brendan's.

"When do ye leave?" Brendan asked, a little huskily.

"Tonight"

"So soon?"

"Yeah. Luke's coming by as well; it seemed like the best time"

Brendan nodded, pulling away a little. "Ye won't be long?"

"Few days at most"

Brendan nodded. He reached into his pocket and brought out a few notes. "Here, in case ye all want to go out" he offered Ray the money but Ray pushed his hand gently away.

"That's okay, thank you but we'll be alright" Ray smiled easily. Brendan tucked the money away.

"Just a thought" he muttered. Ray brushed his hand.

"I know, you're too thoughtful"

Brendan laughed shortly. "Do ye need to get off work early?"

"Nah its fine, plenty of time"

"How are ye getting there?"

"It's not too far, I'll get a taxi"

Brendan hesitated at his pocket once more but Ray shook his head.

"You do remember I got paid recently, right?" Ray grinned at him, breaking the tension of the moment.

"Yeah, course" Brendan said, taking a deep breath. "Anyway, back to work"

"Yes, boss" Ray said with a wink. Brendan smiled.

XXX

Sometime in the evening, Stephen came by the club. Douglas was by the stairs and greeted him cheerfully, giving him a hug. Brendan observed them carefully, his head tilted to the side. Stephen looked up and met his gaze. Brendan found it impossible to look away.

However, once Ray stood beside him, a look of finality on his face, Brendan found his attention completely diverted.

"Time to go then?" He asked gruffly.

"Afraid so" Ray said.

Brendan took his sleeve and directed him towards the office. Closing the door behind them, Ray pushed Brendan against the door and kissed him, hard.

Pulling away, breathless, Brendan smirked at him questioningly. "Hey, what was that for?"

"Is that not why you dragged me in here?" Ray asked, his fingers on Brendan's lapels.

"Well…" Brendan said, his arms wrapped securely around Ray's waist. "Perhaps…"

Ray closed the distance between them once more, his lips moist and inviting against Brendan's. Ray slid his tongue inside, tasting the roof of Brendan's mouth. Brendan pushed against Ray; their bodies moulded together, their groins pressed together precariously. Brendan shifted his body, creating a delicious friction between them. Ray made the first move, unclasping Brendan's trousers and pushing his hand through the fabric of his boxers, wrapping his hand around Brendan's cock. Brendan groaned into his mouth, pushing against his hand to make him move it. Ray obliged, starting with slow strokes, eventually having to withdraw his hand to spit on it for lubrication.

Brendan looked into Ray's face, searching his eyes. Their gazes locked as Ray moved down Brendan's body onto his knees, taking Brendan's cock suddenly into his mouth, making Brendan almost collapse right there against the door. Feeling Ray's tongue sweep across the head of his cock made Brendan shiver and grasp Ray's curls in his hand, needing a lifeline to hold onto. The moment was so heated and intense that Brendan found his orgasm arriving quickly with a jerk of the hips and a low groan.

Brendan found himself sliding down the wall to sit with Ray on the floor. He looked at him gratefully before pulling him against his body in an embrace, inhaling the scents around him including the smell of sex and the essence of Ray himself. Brendan wanted to memorise it, treasure it in the days that would follow.

Once they had cleaned themselves up, Brendan led the way out of the office, forgetting in their moment of passion where they actually were. Douglas was alone now, wiping the bar.

Gripping Ray's hand once more before he departed down the stairs, Brendan moved towards Douglas, leaning on the counter.

"Did Stephen leave?"

Douglas looked uncomfortable. "He's down in the cellar; he insisted on helping"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Doesn't know the meaning of a day off, that boy"

"Tell me about it" Douglas agreed. "Want me to open up?"

Brendan glanced at his watch. "Too early" Brendan glanced around the club. "Ye get off home; I'll open up when it's time"

"You sure? Won't you be alone?"

"Well, Stephen's here" Brendan nodded to the cellar door. "Cheryl's coming by later as well. It's not so busy at this time anyway"

Douglas nodded. "Alright then, see you same time tomorrow?"

"You bet" Brendan said, flashing Douglas a smile.

Once Douglas had departed, Brendan moved to the cellar door and called down the stairs.

"Stephen?"

There was no answer. Frowning, Brendan walked down the steps and paused, not sensing another presence in the room. He walked further down the stairs, confirming his suspicions when he realised it was empty. Stephen must have slipped out the back. Brendan frowned, wondering why it bothered him so much.

He passed the evening at work distracted. Ray was gone, Stephen had disappeared. Cheryl was somewhat put out that Ray had left them for a few days so suddenly. Brendan explained until he grew tired of doing so and retreated to the office. Being a weekday, and a quiet one at that, the club closed earlier. Brendan was practically dead on his feet having been there all day. Warren was away with Mitzeee and Brendan had wanted to come in earlier to make sure Douglas settled in alright.

Cheryl offered to close up for him but Brendan didn't like the idea of her being left here alone. He sent her off with Jacqui and Rhys who were also leaving. Cheryl kissed his cheek and told him to hurry home. Brendan nodded, running a tired hand over his face.

When he was alone, Brendan sighed, moving towards the bar to pour himself a drink before he headed off home. Suddenly he heard movement downstairs. Walking towards the cellar door, Brendan tugged on the handle, frustrated when it wouldn't budge. It needed replacing, he kept telling Warren but he would always prattle on about budget cuts.

Sighing, Brendan tugged a bit harder until the door gave way. He walked down the steps cautiously. Either someone had broken in or someone had the key. Brendan hoped for the latter. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Brendan sighed in relief when he saw Stephen standing there.

"What ye doing? Sneaking in here like this?" Brendan asked in exasperation.

"I wanted to…talk" Stephen said carefully, looking at the floor.

"And this couldn't have waited until a more reasonable hour?"

"I tried earlier but you were…busy" Stephen said awkwardly.

"Right. Yeah, sorry about that" Brendan ran a hand through his hair. "Shall we go up then? To the office?"

Stephen nodded and followed Brendan up the stairs. Closing his hand around the door handle, Brendan found that it had stuck once more.

"Stupid piece of shit…." He pulled as hard as he could, Stephen backing away to allow him the space to do so. With an almighty cracking sound, the door handle came clean off in Brendan's hand, locking the two of them inside.

Brendan turned to look at Stephen slowly. "Ye have yer key for the other door?"

Stephen patted his clothes, his expression apologetic. "I dropped it. I think it rolled under a barrel somewhere"

Brendan sighed and scanned the room, almost full to the brim with barrels and cases of drinks. This was going to be a long night.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Brendan threw aside several empty crates in frustration. He had been searching for the key for over an hour now and he was beginning to lose his patience. He was sweating, he was red-faced, and his teeth were bared menacingly at the world in general.

Stephen had given up half an hour ago and was sitting in the corner, his legs pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped protectively around them. Brendan composed himself and turned slowly to face him, hoping he didn't look as psychotic as he felt. Stephen looked back at him nonplussed, a good sign.

"You should give up for a while" he said, his voice rough. They hadn't spoken for a full hour now.

"And how else do ye expect us to get out of here?" Brendan said, keeping his temper in check.

Stephen shrugged. "Someone will come find us. Cheryl will wonder where you are"

"Not if she's fallen asleep" Brendan commented, moving to lean against the wall opposite to Stephen. Brendan looked at the floor, wondering whether Ray had gotten to his brother's okay.

"I'm sorry about this" Stephen said, as though reading his thoughts.

"Hardly yer fault. It's Foxy's really for not getting that fucking door fixed"

"Well, you know, he's an idiot" Stephen said bluntly, his lips creeping upwards into a smile. Brendan gave a small smile in response, still feeling irritable.

"I don't even have my phone" Brendan said absently, patting his pockets. "I left it on the bar. Do ye have yers?"

Stephen shook his head regrettably. "It's on charge, sorry"

Brendan sighed, sliding down the wall. "I guess we're stuck here then for the foreseeable" he said glumly.

"Yep" Stephen said, matter of fact.

Brendan eyed him suspiciously. "Ye don't seem too fazed by it"

"I've been in worse situations" Stephen said reasonably.

"With me?" Brendan asked.

"Maybe" Stephen looked away; it was difficult to see his face expression from this distance. It was odd how far apart they were physically right now in connection to how absent they were emotionally.

Brendan glanced over at him, and then looked at the wall beside him. He did this several times, indecisive. Sighing, he stood up and walked towards him. Stephen flinched a little but attempted to hide it. Brendan rolled his eyes and sat down beside him, his arms resting on his knees. Stephen looked at him in surprise but said nothing. They sat that way in companionable silence for what felt like an age. Eventually Brendan broke the silence.

"So have ye enjoyed yer time off?" He asked awkwardly. It felt strange, knowing that they were trapped here, no means of escaping each other. Brendan thought he might as well make it comfortable.

"Not really" Stephen admitted, running his hand through his hair, making it stick up.

"Why not?" Brendan asked curiously, his head tilted to the side.

"Dave" Stephen said shortly, staring straight ahead.

Brendan gritted his teeth. "Where does he live?" He said with more venom than he was expecting. Sometimes he surprised even himself.

Stephen turned to look at him and laughed a little. "No need, Brendan. It's finished"

"What happened?"

"He came over to talk things through, we ended up arguing. He said it wasn't worth the hassle and stormed out and that was that"

"What was the point?" Brendan found himself asking.

Stephen looked at him curiously. "How do you mean?"

"In ye two being together. Ye went out a few weeks, argued, split up. And for what? Why bother in the first place?"

Stephen shrugged a little sheepishly. "It just happens sometimes. You meet someone, hit it off, things don't work out, you end it. Simple"

Brendan scrunched his face up in confusion. "Never had that before"

Stephen smiled grimly. "Your relationships are a bit more…complicated"

"Meaning?" Brendan asked sharply.

"Well Vinnie-"

"Don't" Brendan said, his voice cracking. He gave Stephen a hard look. Stephen's expression softened.

"Okay. Macca then. He loved you, you couldn't cope with it, you ran, and he followed"

"That's a reasonable summary" Brendan noted.

"It's a lot like we were" Stephen admitted.

"No it wasn't" Brendan said petulantly.

"Really?" Stephen asked sceptically. "Macca fell in love with you, despite the beatings and so did I. And we both ended up losing you and a whole lot more"

Brendan looked at Stephen in disbelief. "It's not the same"

"Why?"

"Ye know why, I told ye"

"When?"

Brendan sputtered uncomfortably. It was a rare reaction from him. "When ye came to the club, asking about- about what Warren told ye"

"Can you be more specific?"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "I'm not fucking saying it, Stephen. Ye can forget it"

Stephen looked at Brendan unwaveringly. "You scared?" It was almost mocking.

"Fuck you" Brendan muttered. "Fine. I said that I, that I…" Brendan hesitated, frustrated. "That I didn't care for them like I do about ye"

"Do?" Stephen asked very quietly.

Brendan looked at him, he said nothing.

"And now Ray" Stephen continued as though nothing else had been said in-between.

"Ray…" Brendan uttered softly.

Stephen looked at him, his gaze unfiltered. "You love him" he said simply.

Brendan didn't look up. "Stephen…" he said to himself, almost like a groan.

Stephen touched his arm. "I know it's hard, moving on… not to say I'm difficult to move on from because well, I'm not arrogant like that" Stephen laughed a little nervously. "But I'm proud of you. For being with Ray properly" His tone was a little sad. It snapped Brendan out of his consciousness.

"Properly?" He asked blankly. "What do ye mean?"

"Well, you know. You're together, a couple"

Brendan looked at Stephen sharply. "Who said that?"

"No one. I just assumed-"

"Well don't assume. Don't assume that I'd happily go with another man and forget ye even existed. Don't assume I'd jump in a _relationship _so easily when I couldn't with ye after all this time. And don't assume that that makes it seem like I care any less about Ray, or about ye. Don't" Brendan took a long, drawn breath.

"I'm sorry" Stephen said, and he sounded genuinely apologetic. "I shouldn't assume anything about you, you always surprise me"

"Not always a good thing, hm?" Brendan muttered.

"No…" Stephen admitted. "But I survive"

"Ye do, ye do" Brendan agreed absently.

"Ray's a good man though, Bren"

"And ye don't think I know that?"

"But don't you think someday he might want more?"

"More than me?" Brendan asked, his throat constricting.

"No I mean more from your, well, arrangement"

"He doesn't expect anything from me" Brendan said, flicking his fingernails together. "He isn't you"

"No, he isn't" Stephen said blankly. "But it's clear he adores you. Like I do. So why wouldn't he want you properly?"

"He knows that I can't" Brendan said, not liking this turn in conversation.

"I understand"

"But do ye, Stephen? Really? When have ye ever understood?"

"I do my best; you don't exactly make it easy"

"It's not my way"

"What am I supposed to understand?"

"Why I act the way I do, why I do these terrible things"

"Are you talking about the violence?" Stephen asked quietly.

"Among other things" Brendan said, looking at the far wall.

"We never talk about it" Stephen said softly.

"What's there to talk about? It happened; I can't take it back or change it"

"But you can change, and you have"

"But have I?" Brendan asked, turning to Stephen. "I'm around Ray a lot, and obviously I don't hit him"

"He wouldn't take it" Stephen said seriously. "He's bigger than you, and stronger"

"Exactly" Brendan looked away. "And what if that's all it is? What if I haven't changed? What if it's only because of who Ray is?"

"And if we were together…" Stephen began. "What would happen then?"

"I don't know" Brendan said honestly, his hands splayed in front of him. "I don't particularly want to find out"

"But if you're conscious of this, you must know its wrong"

"Of course I know it's wrong!" Brendan hissed. "I always have. But I just needed to know, to see, how far I could push ye. See if ye would come back to me, always. I needed to know I had ye, unconditionally"

"You didn't need violence for that" Stephen said. "In fact, you had me from day one. Every punch pushed me further and further away"

"I'm not right, Stephen" Brendan said, his hands were noticeably shaking. "I'm a fucking mess, I always have been. Ye are just a poor bastard who got dragged into it all because I chose ye"

"Why did you? Choose me I mean"

Brendan laughed humourlessly. "Ye challenged me, I liked that. I wanted to break it. Make ye follow me, want me, need me"

"Job done" Stephen interrupted.

"Yeah well if I could go back and change it…"

"You wouldn't go after me?" Stephen stared at Brendan, his eyes unblinking. Brendan couldn't look at him. "We had good times too" Stephen added. "Really good times"

"More bad"

"It doesn't always have to be that way. People can change, relationships can change"

Brendan snorted.

"Why do you think Ray's with you? The way he looks at you, he respects you. Anyone can see that"

"Fuck knows why"

"It's because when you're good, you're amazing. When you're kind, it's the best feeling in the world"

"Ye think too much of me, Stephen" Brendan murmured. "It isn't right"

"I can't help it" Stephen said simply. "And I doubt Ray can either. Or Macca, or any others"

"Ye must all be deluded"

"Probably" Stephen said, nodding. His face started to crease up with laughter. It broke the tension of the conversation, especially when Stephen outwardly laughed and Brendan joined him.

When their laughter eventually died down, Brendan sighed and looked to the ceiling.

"We're gonna be here all night, aren't we, Stephen?"

"I reckon so" Stephen said. "It's not all bad. At least we have food and drink" Stephen nodded towards the crates.

"Crappy alcopops and crisps ye mean?" Brendan said, raising his eyebrows.

"Better than nothing"

"Well I'm starving so we might as well start on them"

"The crappy alcopops too?"

"Why not? Might as well get pissed if we're stuck down here, eh?"

"Sounds like a plan" Stephen said, jumping up. He brought back several bottles in his arms and two packets of crisps between his teeth. He opened his mouth so they fell onto Brendan's lap, who tore the bag open hungrily. He tossed the other one to Stephen, already munching away.

"We need a bottle opener" Stephen said, looking around himself, drink in hand.

"No need" Brendan said, grabbing the bottle and opening it with his teeth. "Party trick" he said, smirking.

"Strange but oddly endearing" Stephen commented, taking a swig of the drink. "Bleurgh. Tastes like shit"

"Anything that isn't whiskey does"

"Oh really?" Stephen handed Brendan a drink. "I dare you"

Brendan shrugged. He removed the lid and took a long gulp, which he ended up spitting out. Stephen laughed loudly, uninhibited. He patted Brendan on the back.

"Nice was it?"

"Not exactly!" Brendan spluttered. He took another swig. Stephen looked at him strangely. "Gotta drink something, don't I?" He said, shrugging.

Several drinks later and many hours into their locked in status, Brendan and Stephen were completely drunk. Brendan had never been this kind of drunk; giddy and free. He was normally reserved and bitter but the private-ness of the environment uninhibited him.

Stephen was prancing around, dancing along to music that wasn't really there. He hummed tunelessly, making Brendan openly laugh at him.

"Don't sit there and laugh! Dance!" Stephen told him, holding out his hands for Brendan.

"No chance"

"Come on! I dare ya!"

"Stop daring me!" Brendan grumbled, but he stood up all the same, somewhat unsteady on his feet. "What shit are ye humming?"

"Gaga of course!" Stephen said jubilantly.

"Didn't think she was yer kinda thing"

"She isn't but meh, why not?" Stephen said, shimmying his hips about. "Dance! Come on"

Brendan threw his empty bottle on the floor with the rest and started swaying his hips about, uncoordinated. Stephen rolled his eyes and grabbed his waist, directing him. He moved closer and closer unwittingly, their bodies becoming pressed very closely together. Brendan felt the heat rise on his face and it wasn't from the alcohol. He found himself staring at Stephen's lips.

Shaking his head, Brendan moved away. Stephen remained nonplussed and continued to dance, unaware of how close he had just came to a kiss.

Slumping back onto the floor, Brendan kicked the empty bottles away from him with his boot. Grunting, he tore off his shoes and flung them across the room, undoing a few buttons on his shirt from the warmth of the cellar. Stephen eventually flopped down beside him, the entire half of his body resting against Brendan's as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Brendan found his eyes beginning to droop. He was knackered. His head started to slip down onto Stephen's shoulder. Stephen pushed at his head, eventually pushing so hard that he ended up falling on top of him on the floor. Brendan groaned, pushing against the weight of Stephen's body on top of him until they were upright once more.

Brendan closed his eyes, feeling the need for sleep pull at him. Stephen started to snuffle, still pressed against Brendan's body. He was fidgeting. Brendan sighed and moved his arm out of the way, making Stephen fall in closer to his body, his head resting on Brendan's chest. He was already almost asleep. Brendan sighed, tired beyond measure, and put his arm around Stephen's shoulder, holding him in place. It wasn't long until he found himself drifting off, Stephen's body against him a reassuring and familiar presence.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

By morning, Cheryl had arrived for her shift and managed to open the door from the outside. She had taken a few steps and had seen Brendan almost instantly, who had placed a finger across his lips and indicated to a still sleeping Stephen who sometime in the night had managed to lay himself across Brendan's lap.

Cheryl had given him a knowing smile and rolled her eyes, walking back up the stairs to give them some privacy.

Brendan glanced down at the sleeping man and felt somewhat apologetic that he had to wake him. He gave him a gentle nudge on the arm, prompting a snuffling sound from Stephen. Huffing in frustration, Brendan nudged him again, more urgently this time. Stephen, startled from sleep, jumped up and then immediately held his head in his hands, groaning.

"Alright?" Brendan asked quietly.

Stephen turned to face him, his eyes half-closed. "My head…"

"Lightweight" Brendan teased, stretching himself. His crotch still felt warm from where Stephen's head had lain. Brendan thought it wise not to dwell too long on these thoughts.

"No jokes" Stephen protested, waving a hand blindly at Brendan. "What's going on?"

"Cheryl's here" Brendan said lightly. "So we're free now"

"Right" Stephen said, nodding. He didn't sound particularly enthusiastic, or perhaps he was still recovering from his hangover. "I'd better go then" he said, gingerly rising to his feet. Brendan caught him and held him steady when he wavered a little. "Amy's gonna kill me, coming home to the kids like this" Stephen groaned, still holding his head.

"Ye can rest at mine, I'll get my keys" Brendan offered.

"No, I couldn't-"

"Don't be soft, come on" Brendan insisted, leading the way up the stairs. After a moment's hesitation, Stephen followed.

Taking in the two of them, Cheryl grinned widely. "Good night was it?" She wasn't insinuating anything, as far as Brendan could tell, but merely commenting on their obvious discomfort including bloodshot eyes and aching muscles.

"Would have been better if someone had came looking for us" Brendan said pointedly.

"Well I didn't know you were locked in the cellar did I?" Cheryl asked in exasperation. "It isn't exactly a likely occurrence"

"And ye didn't wonder where I was, Sis?" Brendan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I fell asleep" Cheryl admitted apologetically. "Otherwise-"

"I know, its fine" Brendan said, waving his hand. "Stephen" Brendan said, turning to address him. "Take my keys, have a shower, sleep, whatever ye want. Come back when ye are ready"

"Bren I can't-"

"No arguments" Brendan said, his keys dangling in Stephen's face. Stephen eventually relented and took them from Brendan's hand. "There's a good lad" Brendan murmured appreciatively.

Stephen paused. "Aren't you coming as well? You must be as knackered as I am"

"Best not, I'm needed here"

"Bren, you should go too" Cheryl said gently. "You're no good to me like this, plus no offence but you do need a shower, love…" Cheryl hid her smile behind her hand. "Jacqui and Rhys will be in soon, I'll be fine"

Brendan considered this. "I suppose a shower would be a welcome relief…"

"Exactly, go on now" Cheryl gave the two of them a little push.

"Wait" Brendan said, turning back. "Did Ray call?"

"He left a message on the answering machine, I was already asleep. He's there and he's fine" Cheryl smiled. Brendan nodded, satisfied.

When they arrived back at the house, Brendan stood by the door with Stephen, a little uncertainly. It had been a while since he had been here; especially alone with Brendan like this. Brendan suddenly didn't trust himself to speak.

"Um, do you want the shower first then?" Stephen eventually asked.

"No, ye go" Brendan offered. "I'll make us some coffee"

Stephen nodded and headed upstairs. "Towels still in the same place?"

"Yeah, ye remember" Brendan said, a little surprised.

"Of course" Stephen said, smiling a little and averting his eyes. He continued up the stairs, Brendan eventually looked away when he was out of sight. Sighing, he turned on the kettle and then went to the answering machine. Thankfully Cheryl hadn't deleted the message yet.

"Hey Brendan, Cheryl. It's Ray, if you hadn't guessed already. Just letting you know I got here safe and sound, my brothers were very pleased to see me. I should be back the day after tomorrow. Can't wait to see you both, especially you, Brady. See ya"

The phone clicked to signal the end of the message. Brendan ran a hand through his hair, feeling oddly emotional all of a sudden. Shaking his head he went to make the coffee, placing them on the table until Stephen came down, clad in only a towel.

"Better?" Brendan asked, not looking directly at him.

"Much" Stephen said, taking a seat at the kitchen table and taking the offered coffee mug between his hands. "Thanks"

"No problem" Brendan said. There was silence for a moment. "I'll go take my shower then" Brendan said gruffly, moving towards the stairs.

The hot soak certainly refreshed Brendan, allowed him to think more coherently. He felt as though he needed to snap out of it and stop mooning over Stephen like he was doing right now. He was with Ray. That was it. Stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist, Brendan walked back downstairs with an odd sense of purpose.

Upon arriving in the kitchen, Brendan noted that it was empty. Frowning, he moved towards his bedroom, noticing that the door was open. Stephen was sitting on his bed, his hands clasped in front of him.

"Sorry. I started to get a bit…" Stephen trailed off. He did look exhausted.

"Its fine, sleep here" Brendan offered, moving towards his cupboard to look for clothes.

"What about you?" Stephen asked.

"Ray's room's free" Brendan shrugged.

Stephen looked down. "You can stay here"

Brendan turned to look at him. Stephen's gaze was unflinching.

"Stephen" Brendan said, annoyed at how meek his voice sounded. He coughed. "Stephen" he said again, more purposefully. "We shouldn't"

Stephen looked at his hands. "I don't mean _that_. Just sleep, that's all"

"Why?"

"Weirdly I seem to sleep a lot better with you" Stephen admitted, his blue eyes focused on Brendan's face. "Maybe it's the comfort of a warm body next to mine, I don't know"

"And ye had that with Noah?" Brendan asked, his teeth gritted.

Stephen shrugged. "He kicked a lot. And we didn't do many sleepovers"

Brendan found himself oddly relieved at this admission. Stephen looked at him again.

Brendan sighed, suddenly finding his eyes beginning to droop. It hadn't exactly been a comfortable night's sleep. His back still ached from the odd positioning of their bodies.

"It's alright for ye, ye got to sleep on my lap" Brendan found himself saying.

Stephen's face went bright red. "I did? Shit, sorry"

Brendan sat on the edge of the bed. "I only noticed when I woke up"

"You woke up before me?" Stephen asked curiously.

"Yeah, only ten minutes though"

"And you didn't move me?" Stephen asked.

"No…" Brendan said slowly, realising how bad this was sounding.

"What did you do for ten minutes?" Stephen questioned. Brendan turned his head to face him.

"Why are ye doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Playing with me"

"I'm not" Stephen said, shocked. "I'd never do that. I know you and Ray are, well…"

Brendan brushed the awkwardness aside. "I'll sleep here" he said, lying down outside of the covers. Luckily he'd put on some boxers beforehand. Stephen had already gotten into his trousers before he'd sat on the bed.

"Okay" Stephen said awkwardly, lying down beside Brendan on the bed. They weren't touching but Brendan could feel Stephen's presence all over him. He wondered how it was possible to be so acutely aware of someone; to feel them even if they weren't close, to feel their loss when they were notably absent.

"Stephen" Brendan said gruffly.

"Yes?"

"Sleep well" Brendan said, turning onto his side.

"You too" Stephen said quietly, turning the other way.

XXX

They woke up sometime later; it could have only been two hours or so. Stephen woke up first and had attempted to creep out of the room without waking Brendan but Brendan's eyes had opened immediately, seizing Stephen's wrist.

"Where ye going?" He asked gruffly. He didn't like Stephen leaving him unawares.

"Home to change" Stephen said. He glanced at Brendan's hand still on his wrist, prompting Brendan to remove it.

"Right, good" Brendan said, sitting up.

"Did I wake you?"

"Not really" Brendan said truthfully. There was that awareness again.

Stephen nodded. "Thanks. Amy would have been so angry" he laughed a little awkwardly.

"Did ye tell her where ye were?"

Stephen looked uncomfortable. "No… still got that to explain" he pulled on his jumper. "I'll see you later at work, yeah?"

"Yeah" Brendan said, sitting on the edge of the bed in just his boxers. He noticed Stephen's eyes drifting to his chest wistfully. Stephen eventually drew his eyes away and walked towards the door. Brendan had a sudden moment of realisation.

"Ye had the key all along, didn't ye?"

Stephen froze. He didn't turn around.

"Stephen" Brendan said warningly.

Stephen turned around to look at him. His eyes looked a little moist; his smile was embarrassed and apologetic.

"I just wanted to spend some time with you"

Brendan was speechless. Stephen didn't say anything more, just walked out of the room, leaving Brendan alone and flummoxed on the bed.


	20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

When Ray returned a few days later, he was met with an over-exuberant Brendan who immediately tackled him when he walked into their bedroom. Kissing him everywhere; his lips, eyes and jaw, Brendan hastily pulled at Ray's shirt for him to remove it. Ray laughed beneath him and pushed at Brendan a little bit to look at him properly.

"Nice to see you too"

"Talk after" Brendan growled, attaching himself to Ray's neck.

Ray, hardly one to argue with such an offer, accepted.

He allowed Brendan to dominate today because he clearly wanted to. Brendan removed Ray's trousers and smoothed his hands over Ray's inner thighs. He smiled triumphantly at the little moan which escaped Ray's lips and took advantage, taking Ray into his mouth. Ray bucked his hips a little; it felt amazing to feel Brendan's lips around him once more, it felt as though it had been forever since he had when in reality it had only been a few days.

Brendan licked his fingers thoroughly and began stroking at Ray's entry in small, circular motions. Ray grabbed a fistful of Brendan's dark hair, tugging gently. His other hand found its way to the back of Brendan's neck, stroking the wisps of hair located there.

As Brendan began pleasuring Ray with his fingers inside, Ray very almost lost control of himself. Nine times out of ten it was him pleasuring Brendan. He knew that Brendan had rarely bottomed for the majority of his past lovers and the idea that Ray was one of the few people to be inside of Brendan exhilarated him immeasurably.

Once prepared, Brendan positioned himself above Ray, ducking his head to claim his lips. He pushed inside still attached to Ray's mouth, prompting Ray to bite Brendan's lip gently between his teeth. Brendan had calmed down from his earlier excitement and took his sweet time making love to Ray. Ray gripped his hips tightly, blessing the universe for presenting him with such an amazing, gorgeous man as Brendan Brady.

Towards the end, Brendan lay across Ray's body, permitting slow, gentle thrusts. Ray locked eyes with him, seeing a desperation and sadness in Brendan's eyes which shocked him to the core. He found himself pulling Brendan closer to his body, his arms wrapped tightly around Brendan's waist, unwilling to let him go. They came together in this position, Ray clinging on for dear life throughout his orgasm. Hearing Brendan groan aloud as Ray tightened around him, pushing Brendan over the edge.

Brendan collapsed beside Ray and curled around his body, his leg draped over Rays and his arm across his chest. Ray placed one hand on the back of Brendan's head and brought him closer to kiss the top of his head. They rested together for a while until Brendan eventually sat up, cocking his head to the side as he took Ray in.

"Good time?" He asked lightly.

"It was lovely" Ray answered, pushing himself to a sitting position. "Did I miss much here?"

"Only Stephen and I getting locked in the cellar" Brendan said, his eyebrows raised.

"Seriously?" Ray asked incredulously. "Don't tell me, Warren locked you in there together"

"Ha, no. Wouldn't put it past him though. The door handle broke"

Ray's brow furrowed. "What about the other door?"

Brendan looked embarrassed. "Stephen hid the key" he murmured quietly.

"And why…" Ray trailed off, already knowing the answer. He couldn't ignore the small ache in his chest at the thought. He pushed it aside and smiled, as he always did.

"Nothing happened though" Brendan said hastily, his eyes wide. "Ye know I wouldn't-"

"I know, its okay" Ray said, shuffling closer to Brendan to kiss him lightly on the lips. "Did you miss me then?"

"Was that not evidence enough?" Brendan phrased with a chuckle. "Yes" he confirmed. "Very much"

"Good" Ray said, beginning to re-dress himself. "Fancy a walk?"

"Ye only just got home!" Brendan said, almost whining.

"I know but I need some fresh air I think" Ray said, pulling on his shirt.

"Don't ye want a shower?" Brendan asked hopefully.

Ray suddenly grinned. "Well alright, I can do that"

Brendan leaped off of the bed and held out his hand to Ray.

"Keen aren't we?" Ray asked in amusement, taking Brendan's offered hand.

"For you, always" Brendan said, sincerity unquestionable in his gaze.

After a refreshing shower with yet more touching, Brendan and Ray emerged, towels securely wrapped around their waists.

"Where do ye want to walk to then?" Brendan asked, choosing clothes for himself and Ray from the cupboard.

Ray shrugged. "Anywhere really, the park?"

"Sure" Brendan said, flashing him a smile.

There was a buzzing sound from Ray's discarded trousers pocket. He bent to pick them up, glancing at Brendan who had his back to him once more. He looked at the screen, his heart giving a little jolt at the name. He pressed decline and turned his phone on silent. Brendan turned around, now dressed.

"Who was that?" He asked.

Ray smiled. "Doesn't matter. Come on" Ray led him out of the room by the small of his back. He'd only just returned and things were already becoming complicated.

XXX

Walking through the park, Ray spotted Ste with his kids. Little Leah was on the slide while Ste was pushing Lucas on the swings. There was a slight, blonde woman with them which Ray could only assume was Amy. Walking closer, Amy turned and spotted them, a little frown between her eyebrows. Ray knew she didn't approve of Brendan. Ray touched his arm briefly in support. It didn't go unnoticed by Amy, who raised her eyebrows questioningly.

Ste looked up, a bright smile etched on his face. It faded a little when he spotted the two of them.

"Ray, you're back" he sounded sincere, his smile friendly and genuine.

"So I am" Ray said, glancing at Amy.

Ste followed his gaze. "Oh, Ray this is Amy. Amy this is Ray"

"Nice to meet you" Ray said, holding out his hand for Amy to shake. Amy did so, looking more than a little suspicious.

"Brendan" she said curtly, nodding at him. Brendan nodded back politely. His eyes lingered on Ste now and again.

The awkwardness of the situation hung in the air. Thankfully Leah bounded over at that moment, pulling on Ste's trouser leg.

"Daddy, can we get ice cream now?"

Ste smiled down at her. "Not today, sweetie. Me and Mummy are trying to cut back" he whispered, clearly hoping Ray and Brendan wouldn't hear.

Ray found himself reaching into his pocket. He subtly allowed a five pound note to drop behind him on the floor. No one noticed except for Brendan who looked at him in curious astonishment.

"Hey, what's that?" Leah asked happily, chasing after the note and picking it up. "Look Daddy, I've found some money! Now can we have ice cream?"

Ste rolled his eyes, grinning. "Well alright then. Go and get Lucas off of the swings, yeah?"

Leah nodded happily, skipping over to Lucas.

"We'd best be off then" Ste said awkwardly. Amy had already walked after Leah.

"See ye at work later?" Brendan said, his eyes flickering everywhere. Ray glanced between the two of them, feeling the electricity in the air.

"Yup, I'll be there. You'll be in won't you, Ray? I wanna hear about your trip" Ste said cheerfully.

Ray smiled at him. "Of course"

Ste nodded at the two of them, his eyes lingering a little on Brendan before he departed.

Once they were out of sight, Brendan turned to Ray.

"Ye are all heart, aren't ye?"

"Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same" Ray said, a twinkle in his eye.

Brendan shrugged and looked away. "Well for that, I'm going to buy ye an ice cream"

"I am honoured" Ray said, laughing deeply.

XXX

When they arrived at work later that day, Warren was already there. He gave Ray a knowing smirk but said nothing. Ray glared at him, smoothing his expression out when Brendan turned to look at him.

"Can we order in tonight? I'm exhausted"

"You work too hard" Ray told him, patting him on the shoulder. "And sure, no problem"

Brendan grinned and moved towards the office. Ray watched him go, a thoughtful look on his face. He didn't realise that Warren was still in the room until he heard his voice behind him.

"Shame" he merely said.

Ray didn't turn around, his fists clenched at his sides. "What is?" he asked evenly.

"That he's so besotted with Ste. You do make a lovely couple" Warren grinned in triumph.

Ray took a deep breath, turning to face Warren, his smile firmly in place. "Aw, I sense some jealously. Sorry, Warren, I don't think you're really Brendan's type" Ray said mockingly.

Warren frowned deeply. "Why not?" he said without thinking, grimacing at his choice of words. Ray laughed and shook his head, walking towards the staff room.

"Classic" he murmured.

It wasn't long until Ste joined him. He smiled at Ray as he entered and blushed a little at the fact that Ray was standing topless in front of him.

"Alright, Ste?" He asked cheerfully.

"Yup, never better" Ste said, beginning to undress. He was so skinny; sometimes Ray was overwhelmed by the differences between them.

"So that was Amy then" Ray said.

"Yeah… sorry about her. She's never, ah, liked Brendan much"

"Don't apologise, I understand"

"I wish she'd cut him some slack. He's been to prison and he's trying to change"

"Some people are set in their ways" Ray said reasonably.

"Yeah but she forgave me" Ste murmured. Ray looked at him questioningly. "Forget I said that. Um, so your trip? How are your brothers?"

Ray spoke to Ste for a little while as they changed, finding the lads mannerisms utterly adorable and wondering if the circumstances had been different, he would have been tempted to pursue Ste himself.

When Brendan emerged from the office sometime later. His eyes immediately found Ste's and a moment of understanding was shared. Ray wondered what could have possibly passed between them to warrant such a look and vowed to question Brendan about it later. He wasn't a jealous man, far from it, but he liked to know what was going on in Brendan's head. But then again, there were a few things Ray wasn't telling Brendan either and perhaps when they got home, it was time to share.


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

Chapter Twenty-One

Ray's timing however, was unfortunate. Before either of them had even made it home, a visitor had arrived. Ste was out back, thankfully. Ray took in the man standing before them, recognising him after several moments. He felt Brendan tense up beside him. He had recognised him immediately.

"What do ye want?" Brendan had asked, his voice gravely and undoubtedly hostile. Ray sighed. Yes, there was a lot to discuss later.

"Ste" Dave said simply, crossing his arms and leaning against the bar.

"Well I'm not sure he wants to see ye" Brendan said, grim satisfaction evident on his face.

"I'll let him be the judge of that" Dave said, glancing behind the two men. "Is he here?"

"Listen" Ray said quietly, stepping forwards. "Ste told me what happened and I think its best that you leave things be. Everything has been said that needed to be, let's not cause any unnecessary hassle"

Dave raised his eyebrows. "And who the fuck are you?"

Brendan stepped forwards purposefully, his teeth bared menacingly. If Ray hadn't gripped his arms in time, he was almost certain that Brendan would have lashed out. This wasn't doing him any good. Ray wasn't going to let some jumped up idiot ruin all of Brendan's progress. He stepped forwards, obscuring Brendan from view.

"I tried to be nice, but truth be told, I'm not having a great day" Ray said, his voice low. "Either you get lost, or I'm gonna make you"

Dave laughed. "Are you now?"

"I eat boys like you for breakfast, or at least, I did. Don't make me revisit my many experiences from inside" Ray said warningly.

Dave hesitated, clearly hedging his bets with the two men, both noticeably larger than him. "Fine. Just give him this, alright?" Dave held out a piece of a paper. Ray took it from him, holding it lightly between his fingers.

"Run along now" he said pleasantly enough.

Once Dave was gone, Brendan held out his hand for the paper. Ray looked at him quizzically.

"What?" He asked, smiling just slightly.

"I'll take it" Brendan said, his hand still outstretched.

Ray shook his head. "It's for Ste"

Brendan frowned. "But ye said so yerself, everything's been said between them"

"He should still see it" Ray said, walking towards the cellar where Ste currently was. He sighed and turned back at the look on Brendan's face. "What's going on? With you and Ste?"

Brendan's face rumpled in confusion. "Nothing noteworthy" he said.

"Just the way you've been looking at each other… is there something you want to tell me?"

Brendan looked towards the ceiling. "We had a good talk in the cellar the other night. Sorted a few things out"

Ray nodded. "And why did I find a pair of his socks in our bed?" Ray looked down, his voice neutral.

"He came back for a sleep and a shower. He wanted to lie on the bed; I just lay next to him. Nothing happened"

Ray said nothing. He didn't look up. He felt Brendan stepping closer.

"Ray" he said softly, placing his fingers beneath Ray's chin. He got Ray to look him in the eye. "Ye believe me, don't ye?"

Ray stared at him for some time, considering. Eventually he nodded. "Of course I do"

"Cheryl can vouch-"

"It's not necessary. I'm sorry; it's just been a bit…" Ray trailed off.

"What's wrong? Ye told Dave ye were having a bad day"

Ray looked at Brendan; he felt inexplicably vulnerable in that moment. "I haven't been entirely honest"

"Oh?" Brendan said evenly.

"When I went to my brothers, I started getting phone calls…" Brendan's expression remained blank. "From Donny"

"Oh" Brendan simply said.

"He's been trying to contact me for a while. He's sent a few letters"

"Why didn't ye say anything?" Brendan asked. He sounded hurt.

"Because I'm with you" Ray said, taking Brendan's face in his hands. "And Donny's gone"

"And if he wasn't?" Brendan asked, frowning.

Ray opened his mouth several times before closing it. "I honestly don't know"

Brendan shook himself free of Ray's grasp.

"And if Ste wanted to try again? You wouldn't?" Ray countered.

Brendan looked up, his eyes dark and fathomless. "I am not having this conversation"

"But we need to have it!" Ray insisted. "Clearly there are some unresolved issues between the two of you"

"And there isn't with ye and Donny? Why's he calling ye?"

"I don't know" Ray said truthfully. "I did find it odd that he's started calling me. I only answered a few letters, nothing substantial"

"So ye are still speaking to him, right" Brendan nodded as though this proved everything.

"I was with him for eight years, Brendan! And besides, we see Ste every day, don't we?"

"That's different" Brendan said sharply.

"How?" Ray said, although he thought he already knew the answer.

"Ye two were in a relationship, Stephen and I…" Brendan trailed off uncertainly.

"You slept together, you said you love each other, you were in a relationship" Ray said firmly. Brendan glared at him.

"Why are ye doing this?"

"Because you need to face up to your feelings" Ray said simply.

"I did enough of that inside"

"Yes, you did. But now we're out, and he's here, you've regressed again"

"I haven't! I've done my best to be honest, to accept things I can't change…" Brendan ran his fingers through his hair agonizingly.

"There's just one more step to take" Ray said softly. Brendan stared at him uncomprehendingly.

"Enlighten me"

"You need to choose"

Brendan balked at Ray's words. "_Choose?_"

"I can't believe it's come to this…" Ray said, closing his eyes. "But I'm starting to think that maybe we aren't enough for each other"

"Of course we are!" Brendan roared. "We, I, I love you" Brendan stuttered.

"I know you do" Ray said, tears starting to build in his eyes. "And I love you too. But something's gotta give. You, _we _need to make a choice"

"I didn't realise ye had other options" Brendan said, not looking at Ray.

Ray sighed heavily. "I think I need to see what Donny wants"

"Ye do that then" Brendan said brusquely, stepping past Ray towards his office. "I'll be here"

"Brendan-"

"Just go" Brendan slammed his office door shut, making Ray wince.

Several moments later, Ste emerged up the stairs from the cellar.

"Ray?" He asked timidly. "What's going on?"

Ray turned to look at him, his expression drawn. "Oh, Ste. I don't even know where to begin"

XXX

Ray took a long walk afterwards. He hadn't told Ste much. Just that he and Brendan had had a disagreement, and it was fairly serious. Ray ran a hand over himself, feeling the stubble on his face. He was getting too old for this; all he wanted was to settle down somewhere comfortably, maybe even start a family, and have everything he never thought he would be able to have as a confused teenager.

And yet he also wanted the excitement, the thrill of being completely absorbed by another person; never reaching the fill of them. He had that with Brendan and more. Ray sighed, pausing in the street and looking back at Chez Chez. He couldn't leave things as they were. He had to speak to him, put things right again.

He started to move towards the club but was stopped in his tracks by a passing taxi. Weirdly it pulled up right outside. Ray cocked his head to the side curiously at the passenger. He only saw the back of his head but he felt his heart start to hammer immediately with anticipation. He knew him anywhere.

The taxi pulled away. The man turned around.

"Donny" Ray said breathlessly, surprised beyond belief.

"Ray" Donny said, smiling warmly. "I'm back"


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

A/N: Okay, final chapter's here! Sorry I know I should have said before it was coming to an end but I wasn't sure how many more chapters to do. But this just seemed to fit, and felt right so :) Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me all of your support.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Brendan paced around his office in agitation. He then stopped, realising that it reminded him of Ray. Everything reminded him of Ray. Brendan leaned against his desk, his palms flat on the table top. He breathed out a short puff of air, uncertain of what to do next. The sensible thing to do would be to find Ray and sort things out but Brendan was far from sensible.

A knock at the door alerted him to his present location.

"Come in" he said huskily. Stephen entered, looking as unsure as Brendan felt. "Close the door please, Stephen" Brendan requested, placing his hand over his eyes.

Stephen did so, standing in front of the closed door as though wary to venture further into the room.

"What's happened, Bren?" He asked warily.

Brendan removed his hand from his face, looking Stephen over. "I've had about as much as I can take, Stephen"

"What does that mean?" Stephen asked cautiously, stepping forwards.

"It means I'm sick of who I am. Sick of lies; I'm angry, Stephen and I'm tired. So fucking tired" Brendan heard his voice breaking. Stephen immediately strode forwards, his hands reaching out but then hesitating. Brendan simply looked at him. He gave neither invitation nor dismissal. Stephen did what he thought was best, and wrapped his arms around Brendan's neck, holding him steady, keeping him still.

"It'll be okay" he whispered reassuringly, kissing Brendan's hair. "I'm here; we can get through this together"

"No, no" Brendan said, pushing Stephen gently away. "This isn't right. Ye deserve better"

"I don't care!" Stephen said incredulously, laughing almost hysterically. "There's no one better, not for me. Ever"

Brendan looked at him in disbelief.

"Ye are young…"

"Old enough to know what I want" Stephen said firmly, crossing his arms.

"And what's that?" Brendan asked tiredly.

"You" Stephen said simply, never breaking Brendan's gaze.

Brendan shook his head. "I can't…can't give ye what ye want"

Stephen's expression crumbled. He recovered quickly. "I'll understand if you don't want me anymore, but if there's another reason, besides Ray of course…"

"Ye know there is" Brendan said quietly.

"If you'll let me" Stephen said, taking Brendan's hands in his own. "I'll be there every step of the way. I won't push, I'll be patient. We'll get there, together"

Brendan looked down at their entwined hands. He felt the inevitable electricity ride through him at the contact.

"Stephen, I-" Brendan was cut off by his phone ringing. He sighed, releasing his hands from Stephen's grasp. It was Ray.

"Hello?" Brendan said warily.

"Brendan" Ray said, relief evident in his voice. "Something's happened. I need to see you, please"

"Okay" Brendan agreed. "My place, ten minutes"

"I'll be there"

The phone hung up. Brendan looked at Stephen, not knowing what to say. Stephen's expression was resigned; he didn't seem to expect much, he never did.

"Ray needs to talk"

Stephen nodded. "We'll talk later" it wasn't a question.

Brendan nodded, standing. He was very close to Stephen; he could feel his breath against his neck. On impulse, Brendan leaned forwards and kissed Stephen's forehead, his eyes closing, savouring the moment.

"Later" he promised, and swept out of the office.

XXX

Brendan opened his front door hastily. His eyes scanned the living room. Ray was there, and so was…

"Donny" Brendan said, not knowing for certain but taking a good guess.

"Brendan" Donny said, standing up and walking towards him. "Heard a lot about you, nice to meet you finally" Donny held out his hand for Brendan to shake which he did so.

Brendan looked at Ray. "What's going on?"

"Donny's visiting, from Spain" Ray said warily. "Look, we need to talk"

"I'll go for a walk…" Donny said.

Ray looked at him in concern. "You'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine, I won't go far" Donny assured him.

"Don't go near the club" Ray said seriously. Brendan understood his panic.

"I won't, I promise" Donny said, smiling in reassurance. Ray nodded, appeased.

Once he had left, Ray turned to Brendan.

"I didn't know he was coming, I promise"

"Its okay, I believe ye" Brendan said, striding forwards to take Ray immediately into his arms. He held on tight, it felt necessary for some reason. When he pulled away, he looked Ray directly in the eye. "What does he want?"

Ray sighed heavily. "He wants me to come to Spain with him"

Brendan stepped back, suddenly needing to sit down. "What?" he eventually asked.

"He said he's doing really well over there, they've offered him a full time position. He said we'd never have to struggle again. He said he did it for us" Ray looked at Brendan, his expression pained. "I don't know what to do"

Brendan was speechless. "What do ye want?" He asked quietly.

Ray looked at him blankly. "I don't know! A part of me wants to stay here with you, always. Another part remembers Donny, and how good we were together. How much I…" Ray trailed off. "I love both of you, so much"

"I know" Brendan said, standing again.

"What about Stephen?" Ray asked cautiously.

Brendan laughed dryly. "Ye have spoken to him; ye know where his heart lies"

Ray nodded slowly. "He told me he respects me, and would never do anything to hurt either of us. But that he can't help the way he feels and he's been trying so hard to move on for everyone's sake, but he-"

"Can't" Brendan finished for him. "He isn't the only one"

"No" Ray admitted.

They were silent for several moments.

"This is a huge decision" Ray said, looking at Brendan.

"I know" Brendan said.

"We need more _time_"

"I don't think we have it" Brendan said, running his hand through his hair.

"Hold me" Ray pleaded. Brendan was astonished; it was so unlike Ray to say such things. He immediately complied, crushing his lips to Ray's, grabbing his waist and dragging him close.

Brendan pulled him towards the bedroom, never breaking the contact of their lips. There wasn't time for preamble. Brendan practically ripped Ray's clothes off in his haste. They explored each other as though it were the last time; memorising every inch of each others bodies, savouring every caress.

Afterwards they lay together, both of them troubled and uncertain. Ray kissed Brendan's bare chest, unable to utter a single word.

"I think this has been a long time coming" Brendan finally said. He looked at Ray's face; it confirmed for him that Ray was thinking the same.

Ray sat up on his elbows. "You have no idea how much I wish we had met each other ten years ago" Ray said seriously, his eyes pools of sincerity and heartache.

Brendan laughed but it came out hollow. "I was an even bigger mess then"

"I would have saved you" Ray whispered, placing his hand at Brendan's cheek. "You need to promise me something"

"Anything"

"If things don't go the way we hope, and we're left alone once more…"

"It goes without saying" Brendan said with difficultly.

Ray nodded. He suddenly laughed, shaking his head. "Those two… they'll always be our weakness, won't they?"

"I'm afraid so" Brendan said. "I want to thank ye-"

Ray placed his fingers over Brendan's lips. "No need. You did so much for me, you don't even know"

Brendan bowed his head. "Why is it we can't let them go?"

Ray smiled. "You know us, they're…well, ours" Ray laughed.

Brendan didn't need Ray to elaborate, he knew.

"Ye better keep in touch" Brendan warned him half-heartedly.

"You know I will" Ray said, his eyes were shining. "I guess this is-"

Brendan cut him off by kissing him tenderly, full of the emotion his words couldn't say. "No" he whispered. "Never"

Ray nodded, the tears rolling freely down his cheeks. He opened his eyes, wiping the tears from Brendan's face. He didn't even realise he was crying.

"Bye, Brady" Ray said softly, rising from the bed and taking his clothes from the floor.

Brendan reached out and grasped Ray's hand briefly. It was his own kind of goodbye. He conveyed everything he could into that touch.

"I love you too" Ray said, he always understood.

XXX

Ray left soon after that. Brendan remained immoveable for several days. Cheryl was growing very concerned for him. After trying to talk to him herself several times, she eventually conceded and called Stephen.

Brendan sat on his bed, half-dressed. He was just staring. This was more than Ray leaving. This was the realisation that things needed to change. He couldn't begin to imagine what he would say to Stephen. He'd been mulling things over in his head constantly. He was barely sleeping. He didn't know what he could offer Stephen, wasn't sure if he was ready, after Ray, after everything.

When the bedroom door opened, Brendan sighed, expecting another of Cheryl's attempts to chat. He was surprised when a familiar presence sat beside him.

Stephen looked him over. "You look terrible, Bren"

"Thanks" Brendan grunted.

"You know what I mean" Stephen said quietly. "I'm sorry if my being here is too much"

"It isn't" Brendan said truthfully. His chest felt lighter already. "I meant to come see ye but…well, I've had a lot to think about"

"I can imagine" Stephen stared straight ahead. "I was sorry to see Ray leave"

"Ye were?"

"Of course. He's a good man, a good friend" Stephen said confidently. "Do you know what he told me? The day he left?"

"What?" Brendan asked gruffly, turning to face Stephen.

"Take care of him" Stephen said. "And you know what? I will"

Brendan shook his head. "I do that"

"Well then we can take care of each other" Stephen smiled. "I meant what I said, we're doing this together. I've learnt from my mistakes, I won't push"

Brendan shook his head again. "Not yer fault"

"It's in the past" Stephen said thoughtfully. "Isn't it?"

"Of course it is" Brendan said, his gaze unflinching.

"Well then" Stephen said, taking Brendan's hand. "That's that then"

Brendan suddenly grinned. It was the first time he had smiled in days. His mind felt clearer than it had in days also, perhaps even months.

"Come here" he growled, knocking Stephen almost breathless by pushing him backwards onto the bed, Brendan on top of him.

"Bren!" Stephen protested, laughing.

"I'm not letting ye go again" Brendan promised, kissing Stephen wherever he could find. Stephen squirmed beneath him, not really resisting. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"I wouldn't let you" Stephen replied, his hands finding their way around Brendan's neck. Brendan kissed him again, more fiercely this time. "Love you, Brendan Brady" he said, smiling and shaking his head in disbelief as though he couldn't contemplate where they were at.

"Love ye, Stephen Hay" Brendan said, content that this was only the beginning. He would never forget Ray, and he knew he would see him again one day. But he was here, in the now, with Stephen rightfully his once more, and things couldn't be more perfect.


End file.
